This week, we'd like to give our sloppiest, wettest, most deep-throated blowjob to pastor Ken Hutcherson. Hutcherson is an ex-football-player-cum-mouthpiece for God, who's been a tremendous cockblock for gay rights in Washington. Despite that, we'd love nothing more than for Hutch to stare lovingly into our eyes, wrap his big, sexy, bear arms around us, and fuck the devil right out of us—in a totally biblical way. Heck, we could even tape it and enter it in next year's HUMP!

If you only do it once, it doesn't make you gay, Hutch.