"I'm sure you are well educated, cool, and hip as they come," writes "Raydog." "But damn, I swear I wish I could read one of your (columns) and COMPREHEND what you are trying to say. It sounds cool and hip, but what does it mean?"
Why, "Raydog"! I seriously think I love you. If only I could express it in a way you'd understand....
"Adrian... you used the acronym 'SNAG' to describe Whitney Houston. What does it stand for? Thanks loads, Michael."
I'd love to answer that, Michael, but in the very same installment I called Whitney a SNAG I also vowed never to call her a SNAG again. My hands are tied! And you're welcome, of course, but I'll have to get to know you much better before I accept your loads.
Oh. My. God. Remember Nick Carter? Eyebrow-farmer? The original Justin Timberlake, sans perm? Bingo. Well, kids, there's no putting this gently, so let's just blurt this out: Nick Carter is dating a basketball player! From a SEATTLE BASKETBALL TEAM!
And her name is Sue.
Well, what were you thinking?
Indeed, Sue Bird of Seattle Storm (look her up; she's a hottie) is the lucky beard, and according to The Voices it's pretty serious; she's kicking it with Nick at the Carter Family Estate over X-mess. Sadly, the innumerable possibilities for sarcastic remarks engendered by a romantic entanglement between a BOYBANDER and a WNBA STAR have temporarily struck me speechless. Something, something, Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman, something, Exodus International, something, something... you know where I'm going. And I was thinking it too.
I swear I won't mention a single word about Justin Timberlake being a repressed anything this week, especially not homosexual. I just wanted to mention that Justin's "girlfriend" Alyssa Milano is two-timing the poor boy with Fred Durst. Kidding? Heavens no! Witnesses report that Alyssa (Ava Save-a-lot, Charmed, can't seem to move her face when she speaks--it's the Botox school of acting!) was seen "making out," "groping," and "kissing" the sexily tattooed Mr. Durst in an L.A. whiskey bar last week, and who can blame her? Woof. But sources also report that Justin doesn't even know he's been cuckolded--yet. Poor guy. I sincerely hope he has someone understanding, you know, to listen. And (ahem) my e-mail address is widely published.
