It's bad enough that Buffy the Vampire Slayer died on the vine while Xander was still huge as a country horse's country house, and without ever bringing Seth Green back without his shirt on, but did they have to go and close Les Misérables off-Broadway before I had finally shed the shreds of my post-ironic poseur's disdain of Andrew Lloyd Webber?
I'm just not emotionally equipped to handle this shit.
And if you've been wondering and wondering what size of women's jeans James Hetfield from Metallica wears, well, he's a 14, extra-long. And if you were wondering why James Hetfield from Metallica is wearing women's clothes, well, "They don't make men's stretch jeans anymore. Nowadays it's all about homie, baggy stuff," is his explanation. But me? I'm still wondering and wondering.
Who am I kidding? I live for this shit.
Guess what makes me giggle like gay girls? Ridiculous geeks who camp out for weeks trying to get into heavy-budget flicks like The Matrix: Reloaded. Matthew McConaughey and Kevin Costner, for example. Kevin barely scraped his way into The Matrix: Reloaded's repugnantly lavish $3 million opening-night party on the French Riviera (merci very much) by the skin of his big Costner-ish teeth. (Insiders? They say he spent several "nail-biting" weeks on the waiting list, bwa ha, ho ho, tee hee hee.) And poor Matthew McConaughey was refused tickets entirely, confirming my suspicions that Tom Cruise possibly feels threatened by Matt's smooth, smooth pecs and is a petty bitch.
Great. Now Tom's going to sue me. And you know? It sat-is-fies. Or does it?
"Once they've taken their clothes off, I become very disinterested. I think it's more or less I'm intrigued with the foreplay."
Yes, Justin Timberlake said that, and yes, he was talking about girls again. Yes, yes indeed. And I ain't saying jack shit about it, buster.
And not a week has passed since I reported that Jennifer Love Hewitt (best known for slasher flicks and trying too hard) was probably balling John Mayer (best known for being 16 different kinds of delicious), and here she's seen in a "tight embrace" with John Cusack after their "intimate" breakfast date, the tramp. No reports on what poor John Mayer was doing during the infidelity, however. Crying and questioning his sexuality maybe. Please God.
