Something, something, Justin Timberlake has itsy-bitsy mutant mouse balls, something, something.
But a girl laid claim to that so-called firsthand information, so of course it's a terrible lie. So forget it. This too:
Cute little Max Collins from sad little Eve 6 probably figured that getting arrested for streaking up, down, and all around a Pittsburgh hotel with naught but shaving cream slathered on his seductive nether-bits would score him some headlines, and the little shit was right, now, wasn't he?
Oh, so very right.
And yes, this is the first time I've wanted to stuff an entire Pittsburgh hotel in my mouth, smarty-pants.
But did you know that less than 12 hours after telling me a hysterical story (which I thought was total bullshit) about rushing himself to the emergency room with a chunk of carrot lodged in his sinuses, local director Jamie Hook won an honorable mention at SIFF's Golden Space Needle Awards for his film The Naked Proof? Neither did I. But I got Pacific Northwest Ballet-boy Jeff Stanton's number earlier at a SIFF party at Club Monaco, so it's all gravy, baby.
And what the hell does that have to do with anything? That's what I'd like to know.
And actually, now that I think of it, those sunglasses were really less Jackie O. than they were Fendi. Maybe the strange woman the actor wearing them picked up on the corner outside the W hotel could tell us for sure, if indeed that occurrence actually occurred. We may never know for certain.
And, sadly, that's about it for SIFF oh-three. Unless you count Daniel Baldwin (King of the Ants) partying at Barça, and that I'm really not as upset as I expected to be that I missed meeting Matthew Lillard (Shaggy, dammit--I'm not telling you again!) by seconds. But now, I really just need to be alone.
But first! Know what I truly hate? People who refer to restaurants as "eateries." And it feels darn good to get it off my chest.
And! Although it's so clear the Rugrats Go Wild movie ripped off the scratch-and-sniff "Odorama" shtick from Polyester that Helen Keller could see it in a coalmine during a solar eclipse, I still think that John Waters seeking legal damages against Jewish cartoon children is just north of tacky, and maybe even a little racist. Besides, he never got a copyright, everyone knows he thought of it first, and he's just lately spawned more Tonys than a Sicilian telephone book. Just let her go, John.
