Johnny Depp--who makes one honey of a drunk pirate drag queen, by the way--reportedly reported that he would, if they were so inclined, acquire for his two children "quality pot." Now, you're thinking, "For Christ's sake! Little Jack and Lily-Rose are barely even toddlers!" right? Well, Johnny qualified the statement with "when they're older," so please stop thinking that. And also please stop thinking about my earlier reports on Johnny's mysteriously missing business partner and general creepiness. I used to think Johnny was creepy. Now I like to think of him as Dad.
"Pixiechick" informs me that Luke Wilson was spotted recently in town promoting Masked and Anonymous, a film he appears in with Bob Dylan. "Pixiechick" also asked if I agreed that Luke is "as delectable as a Wendy's French fry dipped in a Frosty." I faked knowing who the fuck he was until I could Google the guy, when I uncovered that he played the goofy yokel sheriff in that experimental vampire episode of The X-Files--the one where scenes are repeated to illustrate Scully and Mulder's vastly different points of view. Remember? Scully thought he was hot and Mulder thought he was a schmuck? I mostly agree with Scully. But I also find the idea of Frosty-dipped French fries beyond barf-making, so I'm far too confused to answer the question yet.
And Drew Barrymore just admitted she's a dyke. Actually, bisexual is what Drew admitted she was, but I think the word "dyke" is simply darling. So from now on, Drew Barrymore will be referred to in this space as "That Dyke." "I love a woman's body. I think a woman and a woman together are beautiful," "That Dyke" said in an interview, but that still doesn't make her as manly as Angelina Jolie, who explodes her own land mines. Angelina unearthed 48 unexploded bombs around her small property in Cambodia, blew them to hell with TNT, and doesn't even sleep with women. That I know of.
I know that's gonna come back to bite me on the ass someday.
Oh, and the folks at Marvel Comics have reneged. Amid much clamor and rancor, they've canceled Di Another Day, the Princess Diana-cum-undead-mutant comic they were planning. The filthy renegers.
And the person who wrote me about having seen some old Road Rules has-been, named Porky or Oinky or something, at 24 Hour Fitness ("blue spandex, skinny, small butt") insists that I not use her name, which makes me wonder why she sent it if she's so embarrassed about it. So... why so shy, ANGELA BELL? Huh? Why?
