Thank you.
In other news: Crazed rumors speculating upon the alleged penile-vaginal (and possibly penile-anal/penile-oral) doings of Angelina "Lips" Jolie and Brad "Please Fuck Me" Pitt are intriguing, arousing, spiritually titillating, and wrong. This is a fact.
"Adrian, I don't know if this is really a 'celebrity' considering she is famous for having sex with a 13-year-old boy, but I was at La Belle Elaine's bridal shop and Mary Kay Letourneau was in the fitting room a couple doors down. Her dress was kind of plain. Just an ivory slip dress. She had a good body for someone her age, though I'm sure she had enough time to work out while she was in prison. Thanks."--Nurit
Dear Nurit. Not a "celebrity"? Madness. If I had a dime for every celebrity who's recently mostly famous for allegedly having sex with 13-year-old boys, I'd have at least one big freaky-ass dime of indeterminable race with tape on its fingertips and a monkey. Sha'mon!--Adrian
In reference to previous things: Do you suppose that Jennifer Aniston just sits around these days, listless, sighing wetly and thinking, "Jeez. I used to star on a repulsively popular syndicated TV show that will run in high rotation on the WB for eternity, you know? I was married to the hottest fucking stud that has ever lived, and every woman on earth would have committed murder to have my hair. But now…" and then she cries a single sad little unicorn tear and eats another muffin or something? I do.
"Adrian--What was Moby doing in Cafe Flora on May 4th?"--BA
Dear BA, Putting things up his ass. --Adrian
In interminable events: PETA is still tormenting poor Jennifer Lopez and her fabulous furs no matter where they hide; Britney Spears is still waxing fatter by the second and blaming some alleged fetus; Bobby Brown is being indicted every 10 seconds for not financially supporting zillions of Little Bastard-Browns; the crack is still the whack; Courtney is still suspiciously quiet; everyone famous is still gay. Except for Vanilli Pokeroldpoonani or whatever, who likes Mary Kay Letourneau. Or used to. Whatever.
Send!
Brad Pitt COMMANDS IT!
