KENNEDY
Scrutinized thoroughly
"I'm agitated by what you said about Angelina Jolie. I had the great fortune to work with Lady Jolie on her movie. First of all, that silicone comment isn't true. And the joke about her brother was rude. It was weird to see her kiss her brother at the Awards, but that isn't grounds for you poking fun at her. Angelina is a very nice person. She introduced herself to us extras and didn't act snobby like some celebs do. She's a classy lady. Try not to talk shit about somebody unless it is the truth."Beep! Beep! Beep! Back that truck UP, Loretta! What in heck do you mean, "Don't talk shit unless it's the truth"? In all my born days I have NEVER-not-EVER-not-even-ONCE said anything even REMOTELY untrue about the lovely Miss Jolie! I said she was at Gene Juarez, and she was; I said she was filming a movie here, and she is; and I said kissing her creepy brother is gross, and you agreed with me! And, frankly, I can't imagine a BETTER reason to poke fun at somebody than if they slipped their look-alike sibling the tongue at a major awards show. Soooo? What? You mean the cracks about her LIPS? Well, reread previous issues, my man! You will note I didn't say her enormous lips WERE silicone, I said they LOOKED like they were silicone! (That is what we in the gossip business call "covering our little red behinds.") As far as I know, they could be estrogen. Or rubber. Or a vacuum cleaner accident, maybe. But thanks for letting us know that she is classy and not snobby. "Lips" is lucky to have a friend like you.
"I saw Julian Sands at REI. He was looking at hiking boots. He watched me and a friend look at some boots, then checked out the same boots when we left the area!"Nifty!
"I saw MTV's Kennedy at the Wallingford Ivar's. She was mismatched in a straw bucket hat, spring yellow sweater with plaid accents, her signature glasses--but a worse version of them--a baby blue and white gingham dress with yellow, and blue spring print pants...."About time somebody spotted Kennedy--she's lived here for centuries! But WOAH! Those DETAILS! Did you SEE Kennedy or did you STALK Kennedy? Or are you like a crack police detective with a superhuman memory and genius IQ? Scared of you. Oh! And for the record, Jennifer Lopez is here filming
Enough with Noah Wyle and Billy Campbell--that's why she was at Gene Juarez with "Lips" Jolie. Who, let's remember, is classy and not snobby.
celebisawu@thestranger.com
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