Now, EVERYONE knows that I'd rather EAT GLASS than spread idle rumor. And goodness knows that if I ever DID somehow go MAD for a moment or two and accidentally--whoopsies!--let slip some sordid story or other, well, I would be WRACKED with guilt and remorse, wouldn't I? Of course. Especially if that information turned out to be... well... less than true.Okay, so I'm full of crap. Sometimes. It's not like I do it on PURPOSE! I'm only human. I can get caught off-guard, swept up in the moment. Like when I was told recently that that desperately handsome little dreamcake Vince Vaughn was spotted (gulp) walking his DOG in (gulp) the Central District (yes... the CENTRAL DISTRICT), well, I bought it hook, line, 'n' sinker, didn't I? And I, in my thoughtless excitement, passed that info on to you. Well, it is my sad duty to inform you that there is no way in HELL Vince Vaughn was seen recently in the Central District. It's not really the DOG part that gave it away, or even that he was spotted in the frickin' CD (he's been to Seattle before, after all, so although it's a stretch, the CD is part of Seattle...). So what gave it away? According to "Miss Kitty"--the supposed Vince-spotter--her V.V. was a modest 5'10"ish, while the AUTHENTIC Vince stands an imposing 6'5"!!! "There's no way it was him then," laments "Miss Kitty." So: Vince Vaughn? Playing basketball somewhere, maybe. Walking his pooch in the CD, no. Sorry.

So who WAS seen? He's no Vince Vaughn, but that darling old curmudgeon Harry Wappler and the Mrs. were spotted having a lovers' night on the town! The cute coots were overheard at the ticket window of Uptown Theatre on Lower Queen Anne buying tickets to see (are you ready?) Sexy Beast! Which Harry adorably called "Sex and the Beast"! Awww! But it gets even cuter! "Technically, I qualify for the senior discount," Harry was overheard telling the ticketeer. You sure do, Harry.

Oh! And an anonymous tipper claims that Seattle Post-Intelligencer star columnist Robert Jamieson had his starry fanny tossed outta swank hipster hangout the Alibi Room for being too tossed! "He was drunk and vulgar to the waitresses," says the mystery tipper, who added that Mr. J was raving about some mysterious "bitches". But Robert laughed it off: "I wasn't 86ed! That's hilarious... I barely drink!" Jamieson added that he'd gladly e-mail me other silly stories he's collected, like the times he and the KING 5 anchors went on mad shoplifting sprees, or when he and Jim Forman whooped it up in bars in Forks. But we already know all about THAT stuff. Thanks anyway.

celebisawu@thestranger.com