From the Nov 15 – Nov 21, 2001 issue

Columns

Celebrity I Saw U

by Adrian Ryan

So you say you want PROOF that Seattle hasn't completely devolved into a burnt-out suburbanite moonscape of malls, cheesecake factories, and insipid hair-farming soccer moms in $100K SUVs who'll cheerfully mow you down as they make that oh-so-crucial cell phone call (shut yer cake-holes and drive, you brainless gits!)? Fine--I'll give you PROOF! Perry Farrell! Yes, the eternally innovative, explosively eccentric Jane's Addiction lead was in town briefly last week, and I received not ONE, not TWO, but SIX reports of Perry sightings! My favorites: Perry decked out, psycho-pimp style, at the Spiritualized show at the Showbox ("I told him it was good to see him, he said it was good to see me too. Why, I don't know," says the perplexed Perry-spotter) and Perry cutely trying to act all incognito while buying authentic Beatle boots at John Fluevog on First Ave. ("He wasn't very successful. We spotted him as soon as he came through the door.") And you can bet your ironic pierced 'n' tattooed caboose that he wasn't recognized by hair-farming soccer moms. Ergo, there are AT LEAST six cool people still wandering around here, somewhere. Ahhh... a ray of hope...

But astute readers will quickly recognize the real question here: Have there really been TWO major celebrity sightings at John Fluevog in the short week since Adrian publicly announced his adulation for their oh-so-deliciously clever styles (first Sally Field, now our friend Perry)? Is Adrian setting trends among the stars, or is he making all this shit up because there's some kind of sneaky "free shoes per published promotional mention" deal with John Fluevog? Well, that's for me and John Fluevog to know and you to find out! Yes... John Fluevog! John Fluevog, John Fluevog, JOHN FLUEVOG!

Do you know who couldn't possibly appreciate the ingenious designs of John Fluevog? Why, Jean Enersen, of course! She also lacks appreciation for public displays of affection: At the Sonics' home opener at KeyArena, they played the Sonics' traditional and repulsively cutesy "Kiss the Girl" game. They crank the ever-so-romantic classic from the Little Mermaid as cameras pan for couples; when they catch themselves on the giant screens, the frisky lovers smooch. But when little Jean Prissy-Britches found her visage broadcast all over the arena, she buried her face in her hands, even though the whole darn stadium was cheering her on! But her unidentified man-bitch managed to steal a prudish peck on the side of Jean's head (ouch!) before the cameras gave up and panned away.

John Fluevog, John Fluevog.

celebisawyou@thestranger.com