Somebody PASS me some RITALIN, I'm about to pee my pants! Last week I was lamenting the sorry state of star-seeing in Seattle, whining and bellyaching like a great big whiner with a bellyache. Well, you can just fuck that noise with a big forked stick, sweetheart--a new day has dawned! Brace yourself, because none other than Backstreet Boy (and perennial sex muffin) Kevin Richardson was in town last week and was spotted at NOT one but TWO of Seattle's GAYEST establishments (barring Storm games and Café Starbucks, of course). First he was seen pounding down margaritas at the Broadway Grill ("He was very sweet and unpretentious," says the twitterpated manager), then he was spotted cocktailing at the KING of all fag bars, Manray! Couldn't you just PLOTZ? Of course, Kevin had his pretty, young (and pretty young) "wife" (read: BEARD), Kristin Willits, in tow. SO! Is Kevin really a bona fide yet firmly closeted fudgepacker? Nah. I think he was just trying to take the heat off Nick Carter. But fruitcake or not, Kevin is hotter than two rats fucking in a wool sock, so it's aaaall gravy, baby.

So what could possibly top seeing Kevin from BSB in a queer bar? Well, nothing. But Conan O'Brien was spotted browsing through manly manly sports books in the U. Village Barnes & Noble, and that's pretty cool. (Regular readers will recall that Conan's main squeeze is from these parts, and every now and then he graces us with a visit.) For the record, Conan bought a book on sailboats and a copy of Oprah's latest recommended drivel.

Actually, I'm beginning to suspect that Barnes & Noble is THE new celebrity hotspot! Mad, you say? Certainly not! Bookish Dave Matthews practically lives there (two sightings this month--he got a Scrabble set and a Cranium game), as do Duff from Guns 'N Roses (He's still ALIVE? And he can READ?) and Fight Club author Chuck Palahniuk, who's said to sit in the sci-tech section for about 45 minutes every single day!

On a sicker note, Woody Allen's former daughter, current wife, and celebrated "jailbait" poster girl, Soon-Yi Previn, was overheard talking to an older female companion (Woody in drag?) while poring over the sale scarves at Nordy's. When the companion asked, "Is pink a color you normally wear, Soon-Yi?" Little Mrs. Allen--without missing a beat and with a delicious lack of irony--answered, "No. It makes me look too much like a LITTLE GIRL"! I love it when these jokes write themselves....

celebisawu@thestranger.com