MIKE EPPS AND FRIENDS

Mike Epps played Baby Powder ("pimpin' since been pimpin' since been pimpin'") in the 2001 stoner favorite How High. He also costarred in All About the Benjamins with Ice Cube. But wait—I'm not out of selling points! Epps's comedy might seem a bit too "spirited" or "black" for the typical Seattle audience, but don't be shy, Seattle: His routine explaining how his mother routinely threatens to give her grandchildren "head," because she has no idea what the term "giving head" means, is spit-take hilarious. "I give your daddy head, I give your uncles head, and I'll give you head," she'll say. "I've been giving head around here for many years. Now cut that damn song off." Paramount, 7:30 pm, $40.50–$48.50, all ages.

SUZANNE WESTENHOEFER

On a dare, Suzanne Westenhoefer began delivering gay jokes to straight audiences at comedy clubs. Then, in 1991, her routine landed her a starring role on an episode of Sally Jesse Raphael's daytime talk show called "Lesbians Who Don't Look Like Stereotypical Lesbians," and from there her career skyrocketed. Which is a fucking star-crossed coincidence, because in 1991 Raphael's people invited 8-year-old me and my extensive flannel collection to be guests on an episode called "Little Girls Who Look Exactly Like Stereotypical Lesbians," and now I work at The Stranger. Triple Door, 7:30 and 10:15 pm, $30 adv/$35 DOS, early show 17+/late show 21+.

ANJELAH JOHNSON

Anjelah Johnson is best known for her caricatures of minorities on MADtv (Johnson herself is of Mexican and Native American descent), costarring in the Alvin and the Chipmunks "Squeakquel," and being a former NFL cheerleader—which kind of makes me itch to chuck a tomato at her head. Sadly, my hands are too busy gunning through a Costco-sized bag of Tim's Cascade jalapeño potato chips (YUMMY!) and furiously masturbating to pictures of Anjelah Johnson on the internet. Here's you and your kids' chance to furiously masturbate to her in person! Paramount, 8 pm, $17–$33.50, all ages.