Dear Assholes:
What is up with ___________'s story about ________________? It's fucking unreadable! Maybe if __________ didn't hang out so much at the ______________ with his/her "hipster elite" friends (the Murder City Devils), he/she wouldn't sound like such a goddamned fucking moronic idiot. How dare you insult ____________, the greatest _________ ever to grace the planet? He/She has more talent in their ___________ than any of you will ever express in your tired, holier-than-thou, alcohol-soaked, yellow tabloid trash.
And another thing! The Stranger's hackneyed "we-hate-everything" stance makes me want to vomit -- ON YOU. Oh, and please... PLEASE, send _____________ back to _______________. He/She is a horrible writer, deficient of both talent and humanity, and deserves to have his/her ____________ devoured by ___________. In conclusion, yours is a despicable, loathsome rag not fit to wipe a leper's bottom, so fuck YOU, you FUCKING FUCKS.
_________________