We at The Stranger realize that many of our readers are often too busy to write us the kind of hate- and vulgarity-filled responses that fill our letters page every week (see pg. 5). So in our continuing effort to save you time, we have created a simple form designed for you to air your invective-laced grievances. Just fill in the blanks, clip, mail, and watch our insecure writers experience an emotional collapse, their lives forever ruined by your stinging venom. Yes, it's that easy!

Dear Assholes:

What is up with ___________'s story about ________________? It's fucking unreadable! Maybe if __________ didn't hang out so much at the ______________ with his/her "hipster elite" friends (the Murder City Devils), he/she wouldn't sound like such a goddamned fucking moronic idiot. How dare you insult ____________, the greatest _________ ever to grace the planet? He/She has more talent in their ___________ than any of you will ever express in your tired, holier-than-thou, alcohol-soaked, yellow tabloid trash.

And another thing! The Stranger's hackneyed "we-hate-everything" stance makes me want to vomit -- ON YOU. Oh, and please... PLEASE, send _____________ back to _______________. He/She is a horrible writer, deficient of both talent and humanity, and deserves to have his/her ____________ devoured by ___________. In conclusion, yours is a despicable, loathsome rag not fit to wipe a leper's bottom, so fuck YOU, you FUCKING FUCKS.

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