From the Jun 21 – Jun 27, 2001 issue

Pullout

Cock Crazy

Lesbians don't turn me on

by Seth Zivotofsky

The apartment next to mine is occupied by a lesbian couple. I hear them going at it all the time. You'd think, as a straight guy, I'd break into a cold sweat and daydream myself right through the wall into their fun. Never happens. Whenever I wake up in the middle of the night to the sounds of my lesbian neighbors' moans, I just shrug and fall right back to sleep. For my money, the girl-on-girl thing isn't a major turn-on. I'd go as far as to say that it's a turn-off.

As a straight guy, I'm obviously in the minority here: Every straight guy's number-one fantasy is supposed to be a threesome with two broads, a fantasy that's endlessly promoted by "hot" porno scenes with two lesbos getting it on. Not me. Oh, I definitely understand it. Basically, all straight male fantasies are predicated on the idea that women--all women--are delirious, cock-craving nymphomaniacs. From housewives to librarians to corporate execs to rocker girls to athletes, from Italians to Cubans to Catholic girls to Jewish girls--everything they do is "really" about the fact that they're dying for cock. Especially those lesbians.

Lesbians getting it on makes a guy hot when he imagines that lesbian sex somehow involves him. This fantasy makes no sense. Lesbians are not interested in him. He's not in the lesbian story line. And so, lesbians don't turn me on. Why should they? My sex fantasies star ME. My turn-ons are all about me. And lesbians aren't thinking about me, are they? So I'll take straight girls, thank you very much, over lesbians any day. Now if I could only meet some of those delirious nymphomaniacs I've read so much about....

Seth Zivotofsky is a heterosexual.