Concessions 90210

The Last-Ever Concessions

Sorry in advance, but I'm about to get sincere all over you people for just one minute. (To tide you over, ducklings: POOP POOP POOP POOP POOP POOP POOP POOP POOP.) This will be my last piece of writing in The Stranger for the foreseeable future and, I think, the last Concessions column ever. Cry. I've accepted a new job (a bloggy job that will remain nameless until I'm 100 percent sure that I don't get pre-fired for excessive POOP POOP POOP POOP POOP POOP POOP POOP POOP), and my new job insists that we go steady—which means no more writing "POOP POOP POOP POOP POOP POOP POOP POOP POOP" for whatever hussy of a weekly newspaper shakes its pooper in my direction. And so I am gone. Poop.

I just want to say, with my whole heart, that I've had the fucking time of my life, I've never felt like this before, yes, I swear, it's the truth, and I OWE IT ALL TO YOU, STRANGER (also, Jerry Orbach). As a kid in Seattle, I grew up on The Stranger—and then, for the past seven years, I really grew up at The Stranger.

When I was in high school, Famous Celebrity David Schmader™ was in my top 10 favorite writers. Now, David "Dave" Schmader is the person I send my shitty excuses to when my column is late because I spent too much time watching House Hunters International ("I could really see us eating food in this dining room!" COOL STORY, DINGDONG). During my freshman year of college, which was terrible, I used to copy and paste my favorite editions of Charles Mudede's Police Beat column into a Word document on my desktop computer ("HOW DOES THE INTERNET WORK!?!?!?"—me, year 2000) and then read it over and over to remind myself that life wasn't just one endless root canal, because stuff was funny and sometimes people had a knife where their penis should be. Now Charles "My Friend" Mudede is this sort of strange/drunk African wizard who pops up in my dreams to explain what to do should a dog bite me on the leg ("Grab a stone and dash its brains!!!!!"). I don't know how it happened, but I'm super fucking lucky.

When I first started at The Stranger (May 26, 2005—a 23-year-old baby!), I was a shy weirdo who didn't know what the poop I was doing. (Not like now, when I am basically the entire dictionary [Merriam-Webster's All-Caps and Fecal Synonyms Edition].) I've learned something from every single magical human at this paper, made at least half of my best friends, and turned—somehow—into a hireable grown-up. I know I'll go the rest of my professional life wishing for the freakish level of creative freedom (POOOOOOOOOOOP!!!) and nurturing band of hilarious geniuses I'm leaving behind. I'm so grateful. Now FIND ME ON THE INTERNET, BITCHEZ. recommended


Comments (40) RSS

Oldest First Unregistered On Registered On Add a comment
Fnarf 1
You will be missed, dear funny lady. Be more funny at that other place (a euphemism often used for "hell", but I'm sure that won't be true for you).
Posted by Fnarf on March 14, 2012 at 9:08 AM · Report this
Suz 2
You will be missed Lindy! Good luck to you in your travels!
Posted by Suz on March 14, 2012 at 9:14 AM · Report this
Griffin 3
We shall all miss you, Ms. Lindy.
Posted by Griffin on March 14, 2012 at 9:15 AM · Report this
Fenrox 4
Haha, Poop.
Posted by Fenrox on March 14, 2012 at 9:19 AM · Report this
MacCrocodile 5
@4 - You noticed that, too? It was subtle.
Posted by MacCrocodile on March 14, 2012 at 9:31 AM · Report this

I mean it.
Posted by STJA on March 14, 2012 at 9:38 AM · Report this
So happy for you! I won't miss you a bit, because wherever you go I will bookmark you severely.
Posted by gloomy gus on March 14, 2012 at 9:46 AM · Report this
Geraldo Riviera 8
Both you and I know this could be the worst decision in your entire life. You will be missed.
Posted by Geraldo Riviera on March 14, 2012 at 10:19 AM · Report this
Eric F 9
I started working at The Stranger when I was 23 and left at 29. We're like multigenerational twins, except I'm not funny and I never poop.
Posted by Eric F on March 14, 2012 at 10:25 AM · Report this
I will always love a Lindy! And can't wait to see what you're up to next
Posted by Kelly O on March 14, 2012 at 10:26 AM · Report this
rob! 11
Well, Rebecca Schoenkopf kvetched her way to the very tip-top of Wonkette, so your potential is... um... unlimited.

Thanks for the laughs, and be well.
Posted by rob! on March 14, 2012 at 10:33 AM · Report this
Matt from Denver 12
Sorry to see you go, but PLEASE be sure to let us know what it is when you're safe... I'd hate to miss the next review on par with SATC2, one of the best EVER.
Posted by Matt from Denver on March 14, 2012 at 10:42 AM · Report this
merry 13
Best of luck to you, Lindy dear! The Stranger's loss is That Other Place's gain - but as gus points out, we the lucky readers can bookmark you like there's no tomorrow!! :-D

(And don't forget - sunscreen!!)
Posted by merry on March 14, 2012 at 10:46 AM · Report this
Zebes 14
Bye, Lindy! Have fun!
Posted by Zebes on March 14, 2012 at 11:08 AM · Report this
biju 15
Bye Lindy.
Posted by biju on March 14, 2012 at 12:35 PM · Report this
Will in Seattle 16
Posted by Will in Seattle on March 14, 2012 at 1:14 PM · Report this
See you later, Lindy! (I will find you.)
Posted by daftgiraffe on March 14, 2012 at 1:25 PM · Report this
DeaconBlues 18
I knew this day would come, but I'd hoped it wouldn't be so soon.
Posted by DeaconBlues on March 14, 2012 at 1:27 PM · Report this
Tracy 19
@17 Agreed. And now I've got that Daniel Day Lewis clip from Last of the Mohicans repeating in my brain. Could be worse, I guess...
Posted by Tracy on March 14, 2012 at 3:06 PM · Report this
Lindy West's review of the Wicker Man is why I started reading the Stranger in the first place.
Posted by Ben on March 14, 2012 at 3:53 PM · Report this
eclexia 21
Now where's the fucking movie review?

It's been about 8 years since I landed in L.A. High time I handed you my "new L.A. arrival" crown. I should have given it to Ms. Iowa seven years ago, but I punched her and ran with it.
Posted by eclexia on March 14, 2012 at 3:59 PM · Report this
Poop thee well! We'll miss the poop outta ya.
Posted by gnossos on March 14, 2012 at 4:14 PM · Report this
reverend dr dj riz 23
whaaaaa.. no more chocolate together and now this ?.. i'm gonna hoist some chocolate at the naral benefit tomorrow night in your honor...
Posted by reverend dr dj riz on March 14, 2012 at 6:21 PM · Report this
Poooooop! Best of luck to you, and I know you will poop your way to the heights of whatever place you write for.
Posted by Max Power on March 14, 2012 at 8:46 PM · Report this
freesandbags 25
If rev. dr dj riz is sad then we are all sad. Whenever I hear about an earthquake or Santa Anna wind driven brushfire in L.A. I'll know Lindy is up to some mischief.
Posted by freesandbags on March 14, 2012 at 9:06 PM · Report this
mtnlion 26
We'll miss you, Lindy! I will stalk you on the interweb after drinking a few glasses of wine and read you aloud to my roommate, who, only half-paying attention will stop me mid-sentence and say "wait, what is this about at first? You have said poop like 6 times in the last minute."
Posted by mtnlion on March 15, 2012 at 12:45 AM · Report this
JonnoN 27
holy shit, did you know that POOP spelled backwards is POOP??!?!?
Posted by JonnoN on March 15, 2012 at 2:32 AM · Report this
Posted by dagnabit on March 15, 2012 at 9:05 AM · Report this
Grrr 29
Thanks for a lot of great moments in The Stranger, Lindy.
Posted by Grrr on March 16, 2012 at 10:34 AM · Report this
Bub 30
Bye, Lindy! May this be known forever as Lindy West Day!
Posted by Bub on March 16, 2012 at 10:46 AM · Report this
Superfrankenstein 31
I poop you.
Posted by Superfrankenstein on March 16, 2012 at 11:17 AM · Report this
Doorknob Danny won't have Lindy to kick around and bully anymore.
Posted by Doorknob can't abide obese women. on March 16, 2012 at 12:05 PM · Report this
Thanks for making me laugh- your review of SAC2 is masterful and will always set the high bar for awesome movie reviews. Thank you for allowing us to wean ourselves slowly from your fabulousness. And good luck to you in your adventures- drop us a postcard now and then.
Posted by Duvall-ite on March 16, 2012 at 12:15 PM · Report this
Puty 34
Best of luck!
Posted by Puty on March 16, 2012 at 12:19 PM · Report this
Jaymz 35
This is what happens when you move from the rain to the sun. I trust the dehydration won't suck your soul dry. Keep a baggie of water in your pocket to remember where you started...
Posted by Jaymz on March 16, 2012 at 1:14 PM · Report this
Baxter 36
You're probably about to become super famous so I'm very pleased that Seattle can claim you as our own.
Posted by Baxter on March 18, 2012 at 8:25 AM · Report this
Aw, Lindy, even the anonymous troll is sad you are going! I'm sad too, though I wish you hadn't talked about poop so much (I'm not into that - but it's okay that you are! But I'm not!).
Posted by sahara29 on March 21, 2012 at 9:00 PM · Report this
I've only been reading you about a year; so sad to see you leave. But I was so happy to see you write for Jezebel (how long has that been going on?), which I read religiously. Will continue to follow your hysterical antics across the internet.
Posted by lenaray on March 23, 2012 at 11:04 AM · Report this
Thank God no more terrible movie reviews.
Posted by No Name Here on March 27, 2012 at 2:07 AM · Report this
Posted by mickeymammoth on April 26, 2012 at 2:55 PM · Report this

Add a comment