Oh, the things I do for you people. THE THINGS! For instance, THIS week, on the morning of my 26th birthday, I got up at 9:00 a.m., which was actually 8:00 a.m. (daylight saving, you are dead to me), and went to see College Road Trip. For you. Think about that. To go along with College Road Trip, I watched a bunch of other road movies, too. (You're welcome.)
1. College Road Trip
Happy birthday, self! I finally got you that "Raven-Symoné's zany elastic bug-eyed face" you've been asking for! Also, I know how much you like jokes wherein a baby pig eats all the coffee beans and then goes bananas. Look, Martin Lawrence is here! Why are you crying?
Martin Lawrence and that actress who looks exactly like Jackée Harry but mysteriously isn't Jackée Harry have this daughter, played by Raven-Symoné. Raven wants to go to Georgetown and become some sort of stupid lawyer (god, that is so Raven of her) but Martin Lawrence wants Raven to stay in Chicago and become a codependent shut-in. Raven's unnaturally cinched waist wants the wardrobe department to let her take off those Spanx. Martin Lawrence wants gay guys (Donny Osmond) to stop kissing him on the face. The end!
2. Road Trip
Look! Tom Green is doing something weird! He put a mouse in his mouth! I wonder if the mouse pooped in Tom Green's mouth a little bit. I hope it did. Amy Smart's boobs costar as Amy Smart's boobs.
3. The Sure Thing
Baby-faced John Cusack travels across the country to have sex with Nicollette Sheridan (before her face got all gross) in the permanent naked beach party that is California. Along the way, he saves Daphne Zuniga from a rapist and she does not even say thank you. I love the shit out of this movie.
4. Crossroads
Crossroads captures that historic time when Britney Spears was not a girl, but not yet a woman. Money quote: "They said I lost the baby. Lost it. Like it was my keys or something."
5. The Long, Long Trailer
I'm so confused about Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz. They were married in real life, and married on TV, and in this movie they're married. And on TV they were named Ricky and Lucy, and in this movie they're named Nicky and Tacy. So are we supposed to assume they're playing themselves? So Nicky is Ricky and Tacy is Lucy? And Ricky is Desi?
Anyway, this movie is about a couple of newlyweds who buy a long, long trailer, fill it with wacky physical comedy, and drive to Colorado. It was perfectly cute and enjoyable, but I fell asleep before the end. The box assures me that Nicky and Tacy "live slaphappily ever after," so... awesome. 
