The Best Damned Dinner Party in the History of Ever
Culinary god Ethan Stowell, of downtown’s glorious Union, comes to your house with bags of groceries and cooks a feast for six. Stranger food critic and columnist Bethany Jean Clement tags along. Plus! Stellar wine pairings courtesy of Mark Ryan Winery—a whole case’s worth! D Priceless! Opening bid: $1.99!
Home Set #1—Edo Bedroom
Courtesy of the ever-modular folks at Area 51: an Edo queen bed, Edo low dresser, and two Edo nightstands. Plus a gift certificate to Shiga’s Imports and a pink skull duvet cover from Sin in Linen. Valued at $2,304! Opening bid: $1.99!
Home Set #2—Quadro Table
Courtesy of Kasala, a Quadro coffee table (37.5 by 37.5 inches and 16 inches high) with a wengé finish and a storage compartment you can keep your weed in! Plus a set of soft, soft towels made of bamboo fiber. I know! Valued at $740! Opening bid: $1.99!
Six venues, eight LARGE pizzas each, and most of ’em deliver—that’s almost a pie a week! Then, at the end of your year, list your favorite crust, sauce, delivery time, toppings, and more in the paper. Courtesy of Piecora’s, All Purpose, Piccolo, Topolino’s, Toscana, and Zagi’s Pizza Ristorante. Valued at over $700! Opening bid: $1.99!
Date for One
Not one, not two, but sixteen (!) boxes of heterosexual pornography, from the original Debbie Does Dallas to Specs Appeal: Girls with Glasses to the disconcertingly named Anabolic Initiations IV. This vast collection of preowned but nonsticky wankspiration is spread over DVDs, VHS tapes, and even a few laserdiscs (?!?), and comes with a complimentary package of tube socks. Priceless! Opening bid: $1.99!
Cheer Up, Motherfucker
It’s a fact—Seattle’s six months of gray rain can make even the most chipper person contemplate offing herself. Stave off suicidal ideation with a therapeutic light box from the Indoor Sun Shoppe, a smattering of comedy CDs, and a video of Mike Nipper, The Stranger’s chipper receptionist, shaking his sweet, sweet ham to cheerful tunes. What? You’ve never seen Nipper dancing? His sick moves have inspired neo-Nazis to join the Anti-Defamation League and once gave Mother Teresa a hard-on—and they will save your life. Priceless! Opening bid: $1.99!
For the Person Who Has Everything
A monster cornucopia of odds and ends, including a case of vanilla cream soda, two pounds of coffee, a Motown CD, an umbrella, a six-pack of Brutal Fruit (mango flavored), and a buncha other crap, all courtesy of the nice pack rats at the Seattle International Film Festival. Priceless! Opening bid: $1.99!