Columns

Control Tower

A "Deflowering" Controversy Blooms on Kink.com

  • comments (61)
  • Print

The people at BDSM-porn giant Kink.com enjoy controversy and pushing bound-aries when it comes to sex, but lately they pushed things even further than usual. It began when they announced a special event: the live-streaming of a virgin being "deflowered." The star of this show? A 21-year-old named Nicki Blue. The widely issued press release read like Saint Augustine meets high-tech porn: "A trained expert will insert Kink.com's official Hymen-cam to validate that Blue's hymen is still in place and she is a true virgin." Fans would vote for one of three male performers to "take her innocence," and the other two men would join in and "make her airtight." Meaning: all three of them penetrating her at once.

I'm not easily offended, but even I was revolted by the language and tone of this. Online, sex-positive-feminist outrage exploded. Kink.com model Maggie Mayhem wrote an emotional blog post critiquing the ad campaign and debunking common myths about female virginity. (For example, the notion that every woman has a hymen, and that its presence or absence proves whether she's had a penis inside her. Wrong!)

To everyone's pleasant surprise, Kink.com CEO Peter Acworth quickly acknowledged that they'd bungled the promotion. He posted a graceful apology and stated, "We're deeply honored Nicki wanted to celebrate this event on Kink.com." Ad text and banners were changed to less controversial wording.

How touching. And how puzzling that a mature company like Kink.com would carelessly distribute such offensive advertising, create such an uproar—and then so smoothly and sweetly change its tune. Or perhaps it's not so puzzling. Perhaps it's simply a clever manipulation of the blogosphere.

So, a publicity win for Kink.com. But what about Nicki Blue? Critics were quick to assure us they supported Blue's choice to do the show; it was just the promotional language they deplored. I cannot say the same. If Ms. Blue were a friend of mine, I'd say, "Don't do this." True, Nicki Blue didn't just fall off the turnip truck—she's modeled nude and performed solo in webcam shows. She says having her first vaginal intercourse live on camera is her fantasy, and obviously she has the right to choose that.

But has the right is not the same as a good idea. An inexperienced woman getting into Big Porn to "explore her sexuality"? That's a seriously bad idea. Porn is a business. It doesn't exist to create a safe place for models to fulfill their fantasies; it exists to create entertainment for paying customers and to make money.

The concept of female virginity being something that is "lost" is archaic. But experiencing vaginal penetration for the first time is not a silly little nonevent. Whether it's enjoyable or anticlimactic, it's a physical, social, and emotional milestone that influences your feelings about sex in the future. So don't do it on a porn set. Do your sexual exploring in a private, no-pressure environment with someone you're crazy-hot for—and save your porn-virginity until later. recommended

 

Comments (61) RSS

Oldest First Unregistered On Registered On Add a comment
1
Wow. That was truly awesome. Well argued, and never have more realistic words about porn - really about any industry - been spoken.
Posted by Centrists Rule the World today on January 26, 2011 at 1:43 PM · Report this
2
"The concept of female virginity being something that is "lost" is archaic. But experiencing vaginal penetration for the first time is not a silly little nonevent. Whether it's enjoyable or anticlimactic, it's a physical, social, and emotional milestone that influences your feelings about sex in the future." - Excellently put, Ms. Mattisse. The idea that something is "lost" when women have sexual experiences is faulty and sexist and still all too common. Even thoughtful men in my life can fall victim to the notion that a woman can be "used up" by having lots of fun sex with a handful or more different men...It often comes from secret insecurity, and it drives me insane. I do my best to gently nudge them towards non-sexist thought patterns, and kick to the curb the ones who prove themselves stuck in those patterns. I argue to the death against the notion that a woman is tainted or tarnished or spoilt by sex.

But your distinction is the perfect one. That "the right" is not the same as "it's a good idea", and that early sexual experiences are undeniably formative, personal, and can have deep psychological impacts on us. And that, like any learning curve, it takes most of us time to become truly comfortable wielding and operating our new equipment. And all kinds of things can rear up and surprise us that we never saw coming - turn ons and turn offs that we wouldn't have called in advance.

We are not spoilt by our sexual experiences, but we are often altered by them. And until you have some experience under your belt (so to speak) it is unwise - not wrong, but Unwise - to engage in something as extreme as a live, webcast, three-man gang bang. Especially if it's going to be your first experience with penetrative sex. (yeesh! I mean o-60 much?)

More...
Posted by PocketMouse on January 26, 2011 at 2:44 PM · Report this
3
Erm, I would suggest that "Nicki Blue" is perhaps entirely aware of the fact that this about business and profits-- the contracts she's signed and the undoubtably large fee that she (or her agent) has negotiated would be a rather good first clue, don't you think?

Hectoring her from the business angle seems a bit condescending. If you, like a lot of us "non-pros", are just a wee bit icked out at the idea of selling off one's virginity to the highest bidder, then just say so. There's nothing wrong with being icked out about that, after all.
Posted by robotslave on January 26, 2011 at 5:36 PM · Report this
4
Inexperienced?

Perhaps you missed the parts about her having done anal and oral videos previously. This girl is by no means inexperienced, or even remotely a "virgin."

I appreciate the matronly attitude you take toward her, I'd expect no less, sadly she's not some rube right off the bus.
Posted by Zrob on January 26, 2011 at 6:18 PM · Report this
Mon Julpa 5
What robotslave said.
Posted by Mon Julpa http://www.twitter.com/vnmnd on January 26, 2011 at 6:27 PM · Report this
6
OK, then:

1. Fetishizing virginity is icky, for so many reasons.
2. This promotion only makes sense if virginity is being fetishized.

It's really not any more complicated than that.
Posted by Xof on January 27, 2011 at 1:11 PM · Report this
7
Nicki Blue isn't some pure young sex-positive kinky girl who approached Kink.com about this as a publicity stunt. She's been making porn for a while, and while none of it was vaginal, it's still porn. It was *brilliant* of her to think up this angle since she hasn't been on camera being vaginally penetrated. I don't think she's a naive little kinkster, I think she's a shrewd business woman and as someone in the porn industry, she did exactly what she set out to do to be successful. She marketed herself in a 'new-ish' way and it worked.

Posted by Ten on January 27, 2011 at 1:27 PM · Report this
8
Nicki Blue isn't some pure young sex-positive kinky girl who approached Kink.com about this as a publicity stunt. She's been making porn for a while, and while none of it was vaginal, it's still porn. It was *brilliant* of her to think up this angle since she hasn't been on camera being vaginally penetrated. I don't think she's a naive little kinkster, I think she's a shrewd business woman and as someone in the porn industry, she did exactly what she set out to do to be successful. She marketed herself in a 'new-ish' way and it worked.

Posted by Ten on January 27, 2011 at 1:30 PM · Report this
9
I doubt she got paid that much. This is Kink.com's usual pay scale, and even if she got double the normal b/g sex fee, its not a fortune. http://www.kink.com/k/model_call.jsp?c=1
Posted by Larkshead on January 27, 2011 at 1:31 PM · Report this
10
Wow, you almost sounded completely objective and unbiased...until your last two paragraphs. Then it's Anita Bryant all over...as a professional writer, did you bother to try and speak with Nicki Blue directly?
The passment of judgement, particularly YOUR judgement, completely negates any true sense of journalisim. Instead of creating dialog, you've made it clear that you think Nicki Blue's decision was NOT well thought out. Perhaps your personal experiences influenced your article...and you might want consider the fact that Nicki Blue did not do this for the MONEY. While notoriety can bring some semblance of "fame and fortune", this act was not intended as such. In fact, it's hard to believe for the conservative, but some people actually still embrace expressions of sexuality, even if it's via a well know and "controversial" bdsm porn site. Judge all you want...but secretly continue to log onto kink.com's many fetish and well portrayed fantasy websites.
Posted by JJrigs on January 27, 2011 at 8:49 PM · Report this
11
Wow, you almost sounded completely objective and unbiased...until your last two paragraphs. Then it's Anita Bryant all over...as a professional writer, did you bother to try and speak with Nicki Blue directly?
The passment of judgement, particularly YOUR judgement, completely negates any true sense of journalisim. Instead of creating dialog, you've made it clear that you think Nicki Blue's decision was NOT well thought out. Perhaps your personal experiences influenced your article...and you might want consider the fact that Nicki Blue did not do this for the MONEY. While notoriety can bring some semblance of "fame and fortune", this act was not intended as such. In fact, it's hard to believe for the conservative, but some people actually still embrace expressions of sexuality, even if it's via a well know and "controversial" bdsm porn site. Judge all you want...but secretly continue to log onto kink.com's many fetish and well portrayed fantasy websites because there's a reason they continue to grow and catch the attention of expressive, confident and contemplative young women like Nicki Blue.
Posted by JJrigs on January 27, 2011 at 8:57 PM · Report this
12
@JJrigs, it's an opinion column, not a news outlet...and I can't speak for her obviously, but I find you calling MM "conservative" to be, well, a little amusing.
Posted by Elisabeth on January 27, 2011 at 10:51 PM · Report this
13
@11 I agree with @12. It's an opinion column, not news. I would HOPE that Matisse's personal experience influenced what she wrote here! Matisse has done every kind of sex work, including porn, and probably had just about every kind of sex, including "losing" her virginity, whatever the fuck that means. And I don't see any judgment here toward Nickie. Matisse would be the last to judge any sex worker for her decisions as long as they are ethical. But what's wrong with giving this girl a warning? And what's wrong with doing it via her column? She has to write about something, and this is about as interesting as it gets.
Posted by Rhythm on January 27, 2011 at 11:14 PM · Report this
14
Hey Matisse, I think it's a great point. Your further explanations on your blog are even more clear: "Actors rehearse, athletes train, and musicians practice. If you want your sexuality to enrich the lives of other people, and you want to be happy doing so, learn your skills in private. Then go forth and make the world a sexier place."

That kind of authoritative, experience-based, professional-to-professional recommendation seems neither conservative nor prudish.

Same with this: "So you should not do porn, or any kind of sex work, to explore your sexuality. A happy and emotionally-healthy sex worker is someone with the tools and the desire to facilitate other people exploring their sexuality. As you go along in sex work, you’ll learn what particular types of sexuality you most enjoy participating in, and gravitate towards the appropriate setting for that. But getting into corporate porn to 'explore your sexuality' is rather like joining the military to explore your issues with aggression and formalized hierarchies. You certainly will get an education, but it’s unlikely to be a smooth and enjoyable process."

Might the choice work out for Blue? Sure. Maybe. Even probably. As Ten (#7) says she's an atypical candidate. But it sure looked to me like you were tendering the advice to others who, perhaps less prepared, might think it's something you can just sashay in and do no problem, no consequences, and no getting picked up for poster-childing by the anti-kink trolls when you don't get over it. (As, say, Linda Loveless was picked up and used by anti-porn trolls or Jane Roe of Roe v. Wade fame was picked up by anti-abortion trolls.)

Anyway, I think it's a great point. Thanks for saying it.

figleaf (www.realadultsex.com)

p.s. @11: Anita Bryant? Bwahahaha. Nice try though.
More...
Posted by figleaf on January 28, 2011 at 12:43 AM · Report this
15
Just to be clear I don't think getting taken up by troll is the only undesirable outcome. Taking on hard-core anything (let alone hard-core industrial porn) to see if it's fulfilling isn't so hot when it doesn't turn out the way you daydreamed it would.

Incidentally I do know someone who joined the military to explore his aggression and to get a taste of formal hierarchies. Turns out you can't just walk away from some things once you've been in long enough (maybe 5 weeks) to figure out you're not that into it after all.

figleaf
Posted by figleaf on January 28, 2011 at 1:18 AM · Report this
16
A long time ago someone, I think it was Midori, came up with the idea of refusing to think of it as a "loss" - instead, the "first time" could be thought of as "Claiming your sexuality."

I can't help but imagine what an interesting alternate universe that would be, to have the marketing using that kind of metaphor...
Posted by Graydancer on January 28, 2011 at 6:38 AM · Report this
17
Ummm. There is a reason weddings don’t have 20 bridesmaids!

Whenever the topic of virginity comes up, inevitably, women who are insecure about a lengthy sexual history overreact. These women do not want to accept that it is commonplace for many other ladies to limit whom they share “important parts” of themselves. There is nothing “archaic” or “sexist” about the universal notion of “intimacy” correlating with “few”. And such complaints to the contrary are more political rhetoric than realities.

It is likely that women with high partner counts protest too much about topics like this as an ego reflex. After all, it is much easier for them to have “us” change than for them to face facts. “Numbers” count! Employers seeking to hire are not going to view the work history of a candidate with 12 jobs in as many months as “versatility”. A woman looking to settle down is not going fancy a seven time groom (ala Larry King) as an “experienced husband”. Likewise “How many guys you’ve been with” says a lot about you whether you believe it or not.
Posted by DirtyYoungExec on January 28, 2011 at 7:52 AM · Report this
18
@17 I can count the number of guys I've been with during my decade of sexual activity on one hand and I think Mistress Matisse is spot-on. So how many is a "high partner count"?
Posted by eelsalad on January 28, 2011 at 9:16 AM · Report this
19
@eelsalad

Were you really outraged by kink.com's virginity show? Probably not! So while you can surely type "Mistress Matisse is spot-on" you didn't really experience her level upset.

Regardless, just because I didn't also list political kinship and idol worship alongside insecurity as more bad emotional reasons to agree with her doesn't mean this column won't garner Mistress Matisse those type of sycophants.

As for your partner count. You're curious, but not insecure. That's a good thing.

Posted by DirtyYoungExec on January 28, 2011 at 2:51 PM · Report this
secretagent 20
#6 - dead on

What icks me out about the idea is that if she really hasn't ever had vaginal intercourse before, she has no idea how it's gonna go. It may (or may not) hurt like hell, freak her out, let loose feelings that aren't necessarily good, etc, etc. Since she's being PAID to do this, she's at the very least under a good deal of pressure to complete the act - and that doesn't give her a lot of room to feel free to stop at any time. I do believe that she's thought about this, but I don't believe that even she can predict how this will feel on all levels.

Porn performers are actors, and they are portraying in many/most instances what the audience wants to see. I would hope that what SHE wants would be paramount, especially in new experiences. I would say this of *any* performer trying out *anything* for the first time. Or first several times. The body doesn't come with instructions - you have to figure it out through experience.
Posted by secretagent on January 28, 2011 at 4:18 PM · Report this
secretagent 21
And DirtyYoungExec - anybody with a brain could smell that smug paternalism a mile away. Good luck with the ones that don't.
Posted by secretagent on January 28, 2011 at 4:20 PM · Report this
22
"Porn is a business. It doesn't exist to create a safe place for models to fulfill their fantasies; it exists to create entertainment for paying customers and to make money."

Are you saying the reality of porn is that it IS a for-profit business whose existence is solely for the enjoyment of paying customers and that this is the best model and a model that is not to be reconstructed or experimented with or changed by anyone because this is "just how it is" and nothing can be done about it and no one can or should want to have a hand in its evolution or allow it to change into something other than this model....or....or...
Posted by catvscat on January 28, 2011 at 5:19 PM · Report this
23
And, yeah, I agree with #3, except I'm not icked out - I think it is a smart business tactic and a conceptually interesting art act. I hope she's paid well.
Posted by catvscat on January 28, 2011 at 5:27 PM · Report this
24
@SecretAgent

LMAO. Awww. Did I upset you so much that you hurl irrational insults? Ya see, I'm not the one falling all over myself to "protect" an adult porn performer with previous anal, oral and video experience from the "dangers" of intercourse.

Oh. And I'm not so sure about that brain of yours. You're already standing in a big pile of smug maternalism , yet aren't smart enough to notice. 10 days ago Nicki Blue was photographed looking very happy with the outcome of her virginity shoot... as it has already happened. So much for the neurotic warnings posted here, eh?
Posted by DirtyYoungExec on January 29, 2011 at 6:09 AM · Report this
25
I'm thinking that if Ms. Blue has performed anal sex on camera already, that she's well-prepared for the taking of her vaginal virginity. That's what we call a Technical Virgin. Ask any Catholic Schoolgirl. Can't have vaginal intercourse, but they'll blow you or let you up their butt. I think she probably is wrecked enough already.
Posted by BSweet69 on January 29, 2011 at 10:22 AM · Report this
26
@25 Her virginity may be so technical you could put a patent on it, but that still doesn't make sex work the place to explore the worker's sexuality. It may turn out fine for her, and I sure hope it does, but you don't think there's a significant chance that she might one day wind up regretting this immensely (if she doesn't secretly already? Shouldn't one explore such a milestone of sexuality in private with people who care about her before doing it in a sex work environment (and on-camera!)?
Posted by Rhythm on January 29, 2011 at 11:11 AM · Report this
27
@26-
Sure she could have explored vaginal penetration in private. If she had wanted to she would have. She chose to exploit the market of virginity fetishists to make money. Obviously she had experience in both being penetrated and in being filmed.
It's the idea that somehow, having vaginal sex is so special that doing it for the first time on camera some how degrades the act and the people involved that I find amusing. I don't think this was about exploring sexuality so much as it was about making money.
Posted by BakerB on January 29, 2011 at 11:52 AM · Report this
28
@27 Well, I certainly think that the act of first intercourse being hyped as sacred and crazily fetishized is sex-negative B.S. And I hate that this hype applies almost exclusively to women. 1) Kink.com is exploiting that sex-negative, sexist crap, and 2) I still think it might be a good idea to treat the event like it often carries SOME emotional weight. It did for me and most of the people I've ever talked to about it.
Posted by Rhythm on January 29, 2011 at 12:39 PM · Report this
29
BakerB,
Thanks for having some sense. It takes a special kind of crazy for someone to argue virginity shouldn't be sacred, but please don't film it because it's so sacred!

It also takes a special kind of crazy to whine about virginity when kink.com specializes in a host of fetishes. They call people "slaves" for chrissake, but where's the outrage over an obviously "racist" term?
Posted by DirtyYoungExec on January 30, 2011 at 6:14 AM · Report this
30
Has anyone actually seen the trailer for it? When it came down to the deed, it looks like it was a painful and uncomfortable experience to say the least. She was given an opportunity to stop part way but chose to see it through. Odds are high that she will stick to mostly anal work anyway.

Personally, I think fetishizing virginity/innocence is a kink I cannot support, mostly because of the work I have done with children who are sexually abused in our communities. Nicki chose to play into it, was likely well rewarded for it and if she could have been afforded some measure of dignity in the process, I hope she feels it now after the fact.
Posted by ladycashmere on January 30, 2011 at 8:14 AM · Report this
31
@ladycashmere

Err. It's rare that a kink shoot doesn't involve pain. Whippedass.com which kink inc. owns is a prime example. Divinebitches routinely features men being beaten and then sodomized by women with strapons. Shouldn't these fetish sites stick out to someone like yourself who supposedly cares so much about sex abuse? Yet they don't. And why is that? Because your "what about the children" rationalization is just that. Kink's porn never involves force or minors and kink expects you to be smart enough to recognize this fact.

Posted by DirtyYoungExec on January 30, 2011 at 10:46 AM · Report this
32
@31 There's good pain and then there's bad pain. Kink.com has historically a reputation for playing safely, even when it comes to intense S/M. There are a wide variety of ways to cause intense pain to various parts of the body, including both male and female genitalia, without causing real damage or anything that would require a doctor visit. But if vaginal penetration is forced through pain like that, it can cause tearing, which can lead to infection.
Posted by Rhythm on January 30, 2011 at 1:06 PM · Report this
33
@32 I am fully aware of Kink's safety standards. Which is why concern about a man's flesh penis hurting a vagina is paranoia. Kink Inc. routinely films scenes where a woman's hard, oversized strap-on is pounded into the rectum of a gagged, blindfolded and bound participant without incident. Please stop rationalizing.
Posted by DirtyYoungExec on January 30, 2011 at 1:55 PM · Report this
34
@33 Um, it's not just paranoia. My vagina has been damaged by a flesh penis. And the rectum can take quite a lot with enough practice. Is there any blood in Kink.com's anal scenes?
Posted by Rhythm on January 30, 2011 at 2:40 PM · Report this
35
"My vagina has been damaged by a flesh penis"

Well that explains the paranoia. I'm sure that kink's safety standards are better than one that got you hurt... even if just for their fear of law suits. Under the same conditions a vagina is much less likely to tear than a rectum, afterall the former is also a baby portal
Posted by DirtyYoungExec on January 30, 2011 at 3:34 PM · Report this
Clever_Innuendo 36
@35

My vagina is NOT a "baby portal", you misogynist asshole.
Posted by Clever_Innuendo http://www.facebook.com/clever.innuendo on January 30, 2011 at 6:19 PM · Report this
secretagent 37
A porn performer smiling after a shoot - that's surely evidence it went well, right? After all, the orgasms are all totally real too, right? Hmm... actors, acting.

And I don't think it's maternalism to point out that a live-streamed shoot is no place to try something for the first time. I also don't think that a shoot is a good place to be screwed in the ass for the first time. The type of sex present in porn isn't the it's-my-first-time kind.

I also don't think it's maternalism to point out that accepting money usually limits one's ability to say no. They're paying her a lot of money, advertising, streaming it live to a paying audience. You really think "stop, it hurts" is going to come out of her mouth, even if she wants to? I'm not even speaking to her - she's a grown woman who makes her own choices. I'm just pointing out the ick factor - I like my porn as low/faux coercion as possible.
Posted by secretagent on January 30, 2011 at 7:02 PM · Report this
secretagent 38
Also, "without incident" is bullshit. I personally know someone that works for kink that experienced a painful anal tear requiring surgery.
Posted by secretagent on January 30, 2011 at 7:05 PM · Report this
39
Hey, it's her fantasy (at least that's what she's saying) to lose her virginity, whatever that means to her, on cam. She gets one shot at that.

By making such a big deal about her first time, you are making the same big deal about losing her virginity as those you consider creepy fetishists.

Many of us had crappy first times. And still they were hot because they were our first times. And some of us wish we had done something more along the lines of our fantasies, because your first time at sex is a little bit like your first time doing a drugs. After that, you may be chasing the dragon for a while, until sex is just plain sex.

So let her get her rocks off it that's what she wants. I hope it lives up to her fantasies.
Posted by jussmbdy on January 31, 2011 at 2:01 AM · Report this
40
Sorry guys but it's a bad fucking idea, and MM is saying it out loud.
losing your virginity can hurt a hell of a lot more than anal, even if they're both done properly? Why? Because a vaginal corona is very delicate, and can tear if you look at it the wrong way, there's no way to guarantee you safely stretch it out first. If you do it on your own, you can slow down, stop, come back to it later, etc. On cam, you can't.
Girls have a right the right to talk in a high pitched whiny baby voice and pepper their speech with 'like, um, whatever!' but it doesn't mean I have to think they're smart. This chick was dumb. That is all.
Posted by Caralain on January 31, 2011 at 6:23 AM · Report this
41
@36

Your irrational and verbally abusive outburst has gotten you reported. Please seek counseling for your vitriolic tendencies.
Posted by DirtyYoungExec on January 31, 2011 at 7:16 AM · Report this
42
@secretagent

Please get informed rather than parrot tired anti porn sentiment from before both of us were born. Kink style is more participant than performer as is indicated by all the Hitachi magic wands, prostate massages, and hand jobs.

Those who choose not to have authentic orgasms do so for psychological "slave" pleasure, not from neglect. And contrary to all the promaterialistic brainwashing, money does not limit one's ability to say "No" so much as attract those who are willing to say "yes" for a price or those who dream of a paid "hobby".

I personally refuse to watch ANY porn with coercion, but then I also don't count adults "doing it " to acquire money, or love, or fame, or mommy's/daddy's attention as being "forced". There is a big difference between feeling physically threatened were one to say "no" and choosing to say "yes" for personal reasons.

"Without incident" = safe, not perfect and the reference was also website specific as kink owns many . Don't extrapolate and take out of context.
Posted by DirtyYoungExec on January 31, 2011 at 7:49 AM · Report this
43
Wow. What is the world coming to when the opinion of a whore--about another whore--can cause such a controversy. Pity...
Posted by youwish on January 31, 2011 at 10:46 AM · Report this
44
Sorry Caralain, but the "deflowering" has already happened and was a roaring success. So while you have the right to skip facts and be irrational, the rest of us don't have to think you're very logical.The myth that losing your virginity is more dangerous than all the other porn firsts like anal, submission, double penetration, public disgrace or just being on camera is just absurd.
Posted by DirtyYoungExec on January 31, 2011 at 11:36 AM · Report this
45
I think it goes to far, but then again, I think a lot of what kink.com does goes a bit far for my tastes. However, I'm a pro-sex feminist, which means that I believe that women over 18 have the right to choose. At 21, she knew what she was doing. I might not like it, but I believe in freedom of expression, as long as it's safe and between consenting adults.
Posted by moderate kinkster on January 31, 2011 at 12:22 PM · Report this
46
That's interesting, DirtyYoungExec, because bleeding and pain can be unavoidable with first time vaginal intercourse. You're also, if you listen to Dan Savage, you're supposed to take anal slowly until you're used to it. So yeah, i think anyone who says 'I've never had anything in my butt, but I'm going to have it pounded for the first time on film!!" is pretty stupid too.
Posted by Caralain on January 31, 2011 at 9:07 PM · Report this
47
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!!"

--Mistress Matisse
Posted by EFFIN on February 1, 2011 at 6:45 AM · Report this
48
Caralain,

MM and others got outraged because "virginity" gets under their skin, not because "deflowering" is the mostest, unsafest act in the world. Kink specializes in the extreme and they have filmed things that are potentially more likely to cause serious harm than "deflowering".

Yet MM and company have been conspicuously silent about kink.com content until now. And all of them have had ample opportunity to write a timely "expertise" column about anal fisting safety. After all, there have been kink several shoots that were unsuccessful in the regard. And so while I'm sure that none of Kink's paid particpants were ass virgins, it is obvious that they were not "experienced" enough to have that particular hand make it up their butt. Just sayin...
Posted by DirtyYoungExec on February 1, 2011 at 8:42 AM · Report this
49 Comment Pulled (Spam) Comment Policy
seattlegrrrl 50
Awesome column, Matisse. Yeah, it's time for the Western World to realize hymens are largely a myth. They're not a magical piece of Saran wrap blocking the entrance to a teen girl's vagina.

What's truly sad is women in other parts of the world (I'm thinking specifically of Islam) are regularly murdered when found to be missing this magical flap of (often not present) tissue.

And sorry, Christian fundamentalists, but ass sex is still sex. You're not a "virgin" anymore if you engage in this.

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/you-…
Posted by seattlegrrrl http:// on February 2, 2011 at 9:55 AM · Report this
51
Actualy, what I find interesting about this article was how they backtracked in their phrasing; it's truly ABSURD how people aren't put off by a young woman peddling her virginity to the highest bidder and then putting it on the Internet for "pay-per view" or whatever goes on, but they got all offended by the way it was being promoted!>big eyeroll< Can anyone say "skewed values"?

Funny how some little slag will peddle her ass for money and then get all offended when men speak of her like the pig she is. Do these hoes imagine they can be in this line of work and people will 'respect' them? PUH-LEAZZE.

The original text of the promo was described in exactly typical "pornspeak". This slut is peddling her ass on the internet; she clearly walks the walk; so why get upset about the talk? OF COURSE men think whores and porn stars are PIGS at the end of the day; why do you think all those hoes got buried in PIG SHIT over in BC? Why do you think all those pros are going missing in Vancouver and New York? Because the bottom line is this: MEN DESPISE WHORES. What everyone got here was a little unpretty insight into the male mind: men talk about her (and all other hoes and porn stars) like trash because that's EXACTLY what they think they ARE.

And it would be well if such women kept this FIRMLY in mind when they sell their butts for cash, whether for real, or on-line!
Posted by Aphrodite Pandemos on February 3, 2011 at 7:04 PM · Report this
52
I don't see what the big deal is. If you stop patronising her long enough to check up on this woman, she knows what porn is and she knows what it's like to be penetrated on camera (albeit not via one particular orifice). I think if you can handle anal then even the first time of vag will be a cinch, and yet the concept of deflowering is still so erotic to many, it's actually considered a "kink".

If people here are so worried about other people's potential sexual mistakes, then maybe it's better that fetishists of this kind can turn to the internet to fulfil this particular kink through willing paid actresses* rather than go around deflowering naive vulnerable virgins for themselves? Reduce the number of virgins being exploited for their intact hymens?

As someone whose first time was rather abysmal, despite being off-camera, I'm not sure it's quite the impending overwhelming tragedy people make out. Crappy first times happen all the time, even with people you love. I wish I'd been compensated with a nice paypacket - not that it would take away the disappointment but it'd be better than nothing, right? And fortunately, a bad first time is usually followed by better and better sex, constantly improving as you get more experienced. So life will not be over for her if this goes as badly as you imagine it might.

Questioning the judgment of a porn star being more enterprising about it than the average joe is only going to worsen the shame spiral of being disappointing with one's first time, and to what ends? I suppose if you make sure everyone knows how stupid you think it is to set yourself up for a bad first time experience, next time hymen-wasting idiots like me will think twice about... wait... oh.

It's perfectly valid to find losing virginity on camera to be in bad taste. I think the most constructive response is to not do it and not watch it.

* - I guess you could say she is method acting?
More...
Posted by mydah on February 3, 2011 at 8:18 PM · Report this
53
"DirtyYoungExec"'s screenname speaks volumes as to what sort of a putz he really is.
Posted by Hosim on February 4, 2011 at 1:27 PM · Report this
54
DirtyYoungExec: I think the people who go "hey! I'd like a fist up the pooper! I've never had anything bigger than a bullet up my bum, but let's go for gold AND let's try it for the first time on camera!"
are just as stupid as this chick.
Posted by Caralain on February 4, 2011 at 10:35 PM · Report this
55
Um, why the multiple links throughout the article? It reeks of a "story" masquerading as a link-enabled ad. Way to drive up their business!
Posted by NoOneSpecial on February 7, 2011 at 4:44 AM · Report this
56
@17: I love that you don't actually say WHAT a lot of partners says about someone. My mom was a hippie slut and is more than 30 years into a genuinely happy, loving monogamous marriage. I've had a lot of partners and am in a long-term relationship probably headed towards marriage. And yes, my boyfriend knows my history, and yes, my dad knew my mom's history. Neither my mom nor I have any regrets about our pasts. We do, however, have a lot of fond memories.

It's hilarious how some people act like no sexually experienced woman has ever found a mate, or has ever found her sex life fulfilling.

PS: Be careful getting drunk with your parents. You might find out about their sexual histories.
Posted by Belle Starr on February 24, 2011 at 10:09 AM · Report this
57
I don't think the advice here was meant to be directed solely towards Nicki Blue. Although @DirtyYoungExec seems to be insisting that her shoot was a "roaring success", that doesn't prove this was a good idea. Just because it worked out okay in this case does not mean that more should follow her lead; anyone considering this should truly reflect on the points made in this article. I believe that was what MM was trying to get across.

Aside from that, do you really feel that concern about a penis hurting a vagina is strictly paranoia? I've heard enough stories that involved pain and blood from one penis, but this girl was planning to take on three at once. Are you seriously suggesting there was no risk factor, especially with this being broadcast live? I'm sure you're not that naive. If it worked out this time, great, but that was very lucky to say the least.

Also, post 17 is irrelevant to MM's article. She never said that correlating "intimacy" and "few" was archaic. Instead, she argued that the obsession with female virginity and the view that a woman has "lost her innocence" or is "unpure" by choosing to engage in sex is archaic. Not to mention, it is a double standard. Male virginity is by no means the controversy that female virginity is.

However, since you brought it up, I find this ("It is likely that women with high partner counts protest too much about topics like this as an ego reflex. After all, it is much easier for them to have “us” change than for them to face facts.") absurd and rather presumptuous. You seem to have created your own conspiracy theory. Who's "us"? You say "they" are protesting out of insecurity, yet many women have fully embraced their sexuality (look at Sex and the City). Who are you to decide that they are subconsciously ashamed of their actions? As @56 stated, neither she nor her mother have any regrets about their pasts. Can't they simply protest this point because they believe it is wrong? (I would also like to point out that my "count" is very low in society's eyes yet I still defend this standpoint - it's not an "ego reflex".)

Tried to make that as short as possible, but to be honest I found fault with just about every argument @DirtyYoungExec attempted so in the end it's quite long (<3). There's more I'd like to say but I'll leave it at that... bottom line is I do not think MM's article was meant to criticize Nicki Blue, it simply offered her own opinion on the situation. I do not feel that her advice was offensive or unreasonable in any way.
More...
Posted by kateofspades on February 24, 2011 at 9:26 PM · Report this
58 Comment Pulled (Duplicate) Comment Policy
59
@Belle Starr

Ahhh, the "Pretty Woman" fantasy. It's hilarious how some women act like being a hippie slut improves her marriage options, rather than significantly decreases them! Yes, in real life even hookers get married... and felons also get jobs... and oh yeah, water is wet.
Posted by DirtyYoungExec on February 25, 2011 at 9:18 AM · Report this
60
Kink is the incongruous intersection of two ideas – “a rational modern attitude" meets "some traditional taboo". The "virginity thing" happens to still be out there in non-western cultural especially ones where the United States is shall we say... in conflict. I'm not sure why kink.com didn't go Danish Cartoonist and "put a white sheet down under Nicki Blue to see if there is blood." If kink.com packaged their main act with some footage of social anthropologists talking about the history virginity this could be interesting assuming that the production was not so overly gonzo that Ms. Blue isn’t in control of the act. If they have a bad history of injuries they should be boycotted. Maybe medical personal should be present if they are serious about the “triple-header”.
Posted by GuyMilch64 on February 26, 2011 at 9:04 AM · Report this
61
Ooof, I think I'm the only woman tht agrees with DYE. Mostly.

I'm down with that MM is saying, it's not a good idea. However, it IS her choice. Whatever her reasons (fetish, money, etc.), I don't judge. She is old enough to make the decision, and she clearly has. Regarless of how it turns out for her or how I feel about it personally, I support her decision.

Where I agree with DYE, I don't think he was being a misogynist to say it was a baby portal. CONTEXT: if a baby can come out of there, a penis can go in there. Yes, it hurts the first, second, whatever time(s), but that is not only a bridge we all cross, the safety of that sex is something we all need to negotiate prior to the act itself, regardless of whether we are on camera or in a private residence somewhere.

And finally, fetishing virginity doesn't necessarily translate to child rape. Alot of men (and women)get off on witnesing the experience of first-time sex (much like we enjoy watching people react to a yummy dessert or a funny youtube video). Nowhere in there does it necessarily mean the person gets off on the youngness aspect of the activity. I was 24 when I first had sex and watching me run the gamut of feelings/experiences in those moments was a crazy and enjoyable experience for my partner. I'm not stupid, I realize that it CAN be taken to such moral low-ground as assault or manipulation of a minor, but so could many things.

And yes, virginity is special. Having it (or not) doesn't make anyone any better (or worse) than anyone else, but the first time you do, you should do it in a way that you feel comfortable with, both inwardly and outwardly. And if that means the presence of a camera and a a stranger, then more power to you.
Posted by smartcook-y on April 15, 2011 at 1:51 PM · Report this

Add a comment