When you're a really kinky person, the world looks different. Things that seem perfectly innocent to vanilla folks have a whole other significance to us, because they are what kinky people call "pervertibles." The term "pervertible"--coined by leather activist David Stein--is used to describe objects intended for some non-sexual use, especially everyday household objects, that can nonetheless be appropriated for BDSM play. Here are some examples of really nasty kink toys you didn't even know you had:

Wooden spoons, spatulas, and paint stirrers--these make great paddles.

Thin wooden dowels or acrylic rods for mini-blinds--for light use as canes.

Sleep masks--they make great blindfolds.

Saran Wrap--a wonderful bondage tool. Obvious caveat: Don't put Saran Wrap over someone's nose and mouth. But you can otherwise completely encase someone in Saran Wrap--or any plastic wrap--a practice known as "mummification." Start with the person sitting up on a bed and tightly wrap their upper body, shoulders to waist. Then lay them down and lift their legs into the air, propping them on your shoulder, and wrap them together. You can also wrap someone to a chair. Mummifying a person while they are standing up is riskier, because as you wrap their legs, they can lose their balance and fall. Besides, the two-step system makes it easy to leave certain fun bits of the body exposed. Safety note: You must also have a pair of bandage scissors for releasing people from plastic wrap bondage, as conventional scissors are unsafe to try to insert between the wrap and the person's skin.

Clothespins--a personal favorite of the Mistress, truly one of the most humble and yet most versatile BDSM toys in existence. I have a collection ranging from traditional wooden clothespins to heavy silver ones from an office supply store to very tiny and incredibly painful plastic ones from a crafts store. When doing clothespin play, remember that the most intense pain will happen when they are removed--and the longer they are on, the worse it will be. Start by leaving them on for only a few minutes and work up from there, gauging your partner's pain threshold.

So, you may not have to go shopping to get kinky with your lover. A really nasty good time can be as close as your own kitchen.

matisse@thestranger.com