I have had a lot of threesomes, and they are a lot of fun... except, of course, when they are a complete disaster. Whether you are a couple seeking a third or a single person looking for two lovers, here are some three-way etiquette tips.
... If you are in a couple, do not announce that you are looking for someone to be a "gift" to your partner for his or her birthday. The third person involved should feel you are having sex because you're all hot for each other, not because he or she is the sexual equivalent of a nice sweater from Nordstrom. If you're really stuck on the idea of giving your partner someone as "a present," hire a sex worker.
... Do not negotiate a threesome without consulting your partner, no matter how sure you are that the third person is "just her/his type."
... Spontaneous threesomes are, in my experience, the ones most likely to go wrong. (Exception: Three single people--not a couple plus one--are more likely to have a successful spur-of-the-moment threesome.) But if you are a couple, or if you're eyeing a couple, plan on broaching the subject and then going away. Let everybody think a little, then meet up for either (a) more discussion or (b) the nasty.
... Threesomes should, of course, be passionate and sexy--but it is unseemly for anyone to act as if they are a starving person at a banquet. Threesomes are an indulgence, a divertissement--they are dessert, not the main dish (unless you are in a permanent three-way relationship, usually called a triad). Do not allow yourself to think, "I may never get to do this again, so I'd better get all of my threesome fantasies fulfilled right now!" An air of desperate insistence is the surest way to guarantee that no, you won't get to do this ever again. At least not with either of those two people.
