From the Feb 7 – Feb 13, 2002 issue

Columns

Control Tower

by Mistress Matisse

Sometimes I'm flip about kinky-this and fetish-that in this column, but only because I want it to be accessible and entertaining for people who are not as involved in BDSM as I happen to be. But my personal feelings about BDSM are deep and serious: SM is not simply an activity to me--it's an integral part of my identity. My BDSM relationships require reflection and communication. For example, this is an excerpt from a letter I give to those I take on as my personal submissives. It tells them what they can expect from me as their dominant:

I will always protect you from outside forces when you are with me. When you let down your protective barriers and submit yourself to me, you make yourself vulnerable. It is my duty and my pleasure to see to it that you are physically and emotionally safe during the scene. (You may not think you are safe, but that's part of my pleasure....)

It is my wish to make you not less than you are, but more. More powerful, more confident, more centered and focused in your body and mind. To that end, I will take your body and mind on very intense trips, but I will always return you to a place of emotional stability afterward.

I will not intentionally injure you or harm you in any long-lasting way. SM is not a risk-free activity. I am an experienced player and I know a lot about how to do SM safely; however, accidents can occur. I will not play beyond my skill level with you, and should there be an accident, I will be responsible for getting you any medical treatment you might need.

I will not abuse the trust you place in me by doing anything to you that you said you did not want to happen, or that I might reasonably suppose you did not want to happen. I will always be responsive to your use of your safeword.

I will be conscious of your emotional needs as a bottom and facilitate your emotional processes in and about that space. I will make myself available for emotional support before, during, and after scenes, even between times, as you need me.

I will be mindful of the gift you give me when you place yourself under my control. A good submissive is a precious treasure.

matisse@thestranger.com

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