From the Mar 6 – Mar 12, 2003 issue

Columns

Diet For A Cruel American

To my dear concerned vegan co-worker: Thanks so much for the informative "Eat Vegan!" brochure that you so subliminally placed on my desk right before lunch. Seeing all those horrid pictures of filthy slaughterhouses and poor, mutated chickens really made me stop and think. But ultimately I decided that if I want to see something super-frightening, all I have to do is peek over the cubicle wall at the lifeless bag of bones, transparent under fluorescent lighting. You truly are the poster child for healthy, moral living with your dark circles, sunken cheeks, and papery skin, revealing the anemic, protein-deficient blood coursing through your blue veins. And when I order my extra rare, bloody prime rib at lunch, I'll think fondly of the innocent cow that was sacrificed so that I might have the energy to tolerate your emotionally unstable, people-hating, self-righteous diatribes. See you on smoke break, fucking hypocrite.

--Anonymous