THURSDAY 12/14

PARTY QUEEN--While visiting the shopping capital of the world--Tukwila's sprawling Southcenter district, of course--stop by Borders' Cafe Espresso where your host Amanda will be offering tips on party-planning gleaned from the Party Queen herself, Martha Stewart. Borders, Southcenter, 7 pm, free.

FRIDAY 12/15

SEND FOR A BOOKLET--The federal government is sitting on over one billion dollars just waiting to help folks pay their utility bills. Find out if you qualify for government help with your energy bills by calling 202-595-1027. Or you can send $5 to Financial Assistance Network, Government Help for Energy Bills Booklet Offer, P.O. Box 60848, Washington, D.C. 20039-0848. Both options cost money that you could use to pay your bills, however.

SATURDAY 12/16

SHIT--More politely known as Holidoo, exotic zoo shit from the Woodland Park Zoo makes a wonderful gift for that special someone who has everything. You don't even have to pay zoo admission (although you should pay a winter visit to the polar bears, who might rather rip your arms off but nonetheless are still quite cute this time of year)--just tell the South Gate attendant you want him to give you a bunch of shit. Or call the Poop Line at 625-POOP. Woodland Park Zoo, 5500 Phinney Ave N, 684-4800, 9:30 am-4 pm, $10 per four-gallon bucket.

SALMON BAKE--The Daybreak Star Arts Center hosts an Indian art market and salmon bake lunch (salmon, baked potato, corn, cornbread, and beverage), as well as dance performances by the Tsimshian Haayuuk Dancers from Southeast Alaska. Daybreak Star Arts Center, Discovery Park, noon, $8.50.

SUNDAY 12/17

NORTHWEST ACCORDION FESTIVAL--Be still my heart: A huge band of accordionists will perform a medley of Christmas music, and members of the Northwest Accordion Society will give free lessons! It's all about accordion love, baby, and the Society's looking for new members or folks who just want to come and listen. Seattle Center House, 622-4786, 1-5 pm, free.