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Drunk of the Week

It's Bananas! The Drunk of the Week Poetry Contest!

Drunk of the Week

Kelly O

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So a lady-vampire-banana walks into a bar... Um, this photo is kind of "special," and could really use a nice poem. And the best poem written by Wednesday, November 9, will receive one homemade loaf of banana bread, a tube of SPF-50 Banana Boat® suntan lotion, a Drunk of the Week T-shirt, and one box of lightbulbs. recommended

Submit your poem below!

 

Comments (52) RSS

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1
Uh, where's the photo? I need some lightbulbs.
Posted by Chicago Fan on November 2, 2011 at 10:14 AM · Report this
2
@1 That doesn't rhyme.
Posted by maddogm13 on November 2, 2011 at 11:48 AM · Report this
3
There once was a tipsy Chicquita
Whose pants bunched up in the seat-a.
Now that she's bought a
PIna colada
Life's gotten even more sweet-a.

Posted by auntie grizelda on November 2, 2011 at 2:08 PM · Report this
4
A drunk banana will find
employing a straw is not enough
when unruly spasms of laughter
do curl lips around a mouthful of fangs.
Posted by psimob on November 2, 2011 at 5:54 PM · Report this
ron_in_PDX 5
Bambi is banana costume wonder
Is banana, is colada, is so down
Bambi knows morning devil well.

Posted by ron_in_PDX on November 2, 2011 at 6:10 PM · Report this
6
now that the proof is revealed
and your halloween hangover healed
stir white russians once you've got 'em
for the straw sucks the goods from the bottom
which gets a vampire easily peeled
Posted by capHillDilf on November 2, 2011 at 6:20 PM · Report this
7
She smiles brightly, so sweetly
She makes me want eat thee
I peel her rind
And get right behind
Only to find she is not the fruity
That I thought I was going to tooty
For the vampy banapy has a rampy
Which leads to a campy of cavorting trampys
All adorned in creamy hues of a jiggled muse
My pining colada is her enema juice
Posted by downtownkitty on November 2, 2011 at 7:11 PM · Report this
8
7
(whoops left out a "to")

She smiles brightly, so sweetly
She makes me want to eat thee
I peel her rind
And get right behind
Only to find she is not the fruity
That I thought I was going to tooty
For the vampy banapy has a rampy
Which leads to a campy of cavorting trampys
All adorned in creamy hues of a jiggled muse
My pining colada is her enema juice
Posted by downtownkitty on November 2, 2011 at 7:21 PM · Report this
9
Grabbing at the straw with a set of crazy teeth
doesn't necessarily get you what you need
You're just a big banana, a drunk piece of fruit
Why are you all blissed out and yellow?
Don't you know it's moot to wear that kind of suit
when you're getting ripe in age?
Well, maybe that's just it
You don't give a shit
You've gone and lost it
or you've really got a dick under there or something
I don't know
what's this all about
maybe you gone and got the gout
you're just a big cover up
a stupid fool
i'm not trying to be a dick, really
'cause i like you, for some reason i really do
i just can't figure you out.

Posted by DreamCrusher on November 2, 2011 at 9:34 PM · Report this
10
the blood thirst is here
the season of the blinded
think I'm a 'nana?
Posted by thirsty on November 3, 2011 at 1:58 AM · Report this
11
sorry, I meant

banana? Ha! chomp!
Posted by thirsty on November 3, 2011 at 2:20 AM · Report this
12
EMAILED FROM: E. Gifford!

A lady-vampire-banana walks into a bar
She wants to get a fresh supply of blood and not walk too far
She asks a drunk patron for a pint that night

Instead of giving it to her he wants a fight
He does not like her banana outfit
And would rather sock her and hit
She tells him it is Halloween
He forgot to invite his friend a drag queen
He finally is friendly with her that day
As she speaks to him in a nice way
All Saints Day for them was quite a night
Seeing them together was quite a sight

As she speaks to him in a nice way
All Staints Day for them was quite a night
Seeing them together was quite a sight
Posted by Kelly O on November 3, 2011 at 12:06 PM · Report this
13
Stated the fruit, while bearing a fang
I’m a banana sir, not a plantain!
Then she sipped her Caucasian
(aiding her drunken persuasion)
And fell to the floor with a bang
Posted by bfp on November 3, 2011 at 12:56 PM · Report this
14
She's big and yellow and fabulous like Big Bird.
She's also a vampire -- that's what I heard.
Look at her teeth, sporting fangs like Dracula,
All in all, I think she's quite spectacular!
Smiling sweetly, sipping on her White Russian,
She'll knock you over, give you a concussion!

(Trick or treat, smell my feet,
That's my poem, short and sweet!)
Posted by PeterO on November 3, 2011 at 2:20 PM · Report this
15
She's big and yellow and fabulous like Big Bird.
She's also a vampire -- that's what I heard.
Look at her teeth, sporting fangs like Dracula,
All in all, I think she's quite spectacular!
Smiling sweetly, sipping on her White Russian,
She'll knock you over, give you a concussion!

(Trick or treat, smell my feet,
That's my poem, short and sweet!)
Posted by PeterO on November 3, 2011 at 2:23 PM · Report this
sperifera 16
Lovely banana,
How can you be so shit-faced
Drinking White Russians
Posted by sperifera on November 3, 2011 at 2:48 PM · Report this
sperifera 17
Lovely banana,
How can you be so shitfaced
On white Russians?
Posted by sperifera on November 3, 2011 at 2:52 PM · Report this
18
There once was a banana named Alice
Who drank nifty drink from her chalice
Much too drunk Monday Night
Puked on Mr. Right
But still got some for being shaped like a phallus
Posted by AveryTurnstyle on November 4, 2011 at 11:06 AM · Report this
bleedingheartlibertarian 19
Drinking through two straws:
Easy with fangs, hard for a
Pickled banana
Posted by bleedingheartlibertarian on November 4, 2011 at 11:20 AM · Report this
scary tyler moore 20
vampire banana
says
day-o!
day-o!
daylight come and me want go home to my coffin.

Posted by scary tyler moore http://pushymcshove.blogspot.com/ on November 4, 2011 at 1:25 PM · Report this
nseattlite 21
What I wouldn't use,
Even drunk, for a dildo?
A fanged banana.
Posted by nseattlite on November 4, 2011 at 1:40 PM · Report this
22
She had cherry lips,
But pale fingertips,
She was quite long and seductively yellow,
I, being horny, walked up, said, "Hello!"
She was already tipsy, but another ought to get her ready,
No girl can resist a White Russian! That’s according my life coach, Fast Freddy.
It took all my courage, all my guts,
She seemed a bit interested, but mostly in my nuts?
“May I buy you another? Your banana is bright, but you aren’t quite lit.”
Fast Freddy’s advice sucks fucking balls. Fastest I’ve ever seen a banana split.
Posted by GrumpyShoe on November 4, 2011 at 4:27 PM · Report this
23
She had cherry lips,
But pale fingertips,
She was quite long and seductively yellow,
I, being horny, walked up, said, "Hello!"
She was already tipsy, but another ought to get her ready,
No girl can resist a White Russian! That’s according my life coach, Fast Freddy.
It took all my courage, all my guts,
She seemed a bit interested, but mostly in my nuts?
“May I buy you another? Your banana is bright, but you aren’t quite lit.”
Fast Freddy’s advice sucks fucking balls. Fastest I’ve ever seen a banana split.
Posted by GrumpyShoe on November 4, 2011 at 4:29 PM · Report this
walkerj 24
A banana walked into a bar
Then drove not too far in her car
Because the drunk lout
Unsafely peeled out
And left herself plastered on tar
Posted by walkerj http://www.walkerjones.net on November 4, 2011 at 5:08 PM · Report this
25
Banana Banana and this vampire Johanna
Planned a tryst one night in October
But when the time came
Sadly, much to her shame
'Anna couldn't complete the deed sober!

So she knocked a few back, then revealing her rack
With a smile brought the Ripe One inside'er
With a twist and a tug
The two fucked on the rug
'Anna swore she'd ne'r felt righter!

So, sad she became after crying his name
to discover her source of orgasm
had succumbed with a flush
and in passion made mush
from the force of her quivering spasm

As she stared with a tear at her thighs and the smear
that was all that remained of her lover
a thought in her mind
of Banana's sweet grind
inspired the search for another!

So Johanna I'm told, dear Johanna the Bold
made a habit of dressing in yellow
with a drink in her hand
and an outfit quite grand
In search of a banana-shaped fellow!
Posted by Ezra.Ezra.Ezra on November 4, 2011 at 5:16 PM · Report this
26
Vampire, vampire, bo-bampire, Banana-fana fo-fampire, Fee-fi-mo-mampire Vampire!
Posted by taskmasterchick on November 5, 2011 at 9:15 PM · Report this
27
Life was divine, up on the vine.
There were no haters, on the equator.

Here in Seattle, life is a battle.
Harsh and sober, cold October.

But booze distorts me, a cocktail transports me.
Eyes pressed tight, suspended in flight.

A toothy smile and I'm back in the wild.
Fastened but free, up in a tree.
Posted by adambatlan on November 5, 2011 at 10:06 PM · Report this
28
Kahlua's great but,
May I suck your banana?
Cheeky(ta) vampire!
Posted by andyhkc on November 6, 2011 at 9:54 AM · Report this
29
So--KellyO--who won the contest?
Posted by auntie grizelda on November 6, 2011 at 1:56 PM · Report this
30
contest doesn't end until Nov 9th!
Posted by DreamCrusher on November 6, 2011 at 2:11 PM · Report this
31
@30: Oops. I didn't see the end date. Thanks!

May the best DOTW poem win!!!
Posted by auntie grizelda on November 6, 2011 at 8:19 PM · Report this
32
Im a banana
Im a banana
Im a banana
Im a banana
Im a banana
Im a banana
Im a Banana
Im a banana
Posted by Drugs Delaney on November 6, 2011 at 10:13 PM · Report this
33
Im a banana
Im a banana
Im a banana
Im a banana
Im a banana
Im a banana
Posted by Drugs Delaney on November 6, 2011 at 10:24 PM · Report this
34
I read somewhere Drugs Delaney is a banana, but I'm not so sure.
Posted by Private Porksword on November 6, 2011 at 10:48 PM · Report this
35
bananarama had it's venus a couple more russians and you'll have my penis...i'll leave your costume with a man stain..while i secretly wish i woulda fucked a plantain.
Posted by flounder on November 7, 2011 at 2:47 PM · Report this
dingodoodle 36
Were I to pair
a banana
with fangs

I would be
branded
Fruit of the Doomed

which would bring me down
and under, whereas

You are so smiley.
Posted by dingodoodle on November 7, 2011 at 6:09 PM · Report this
37
A banana walks into a bar, bearing fangs.
She bangs on the bar and demands a drink:
"Sink two parts banana blood
Into mud-flavored vodka."
She sips it, savors it, spits it out.
She shouts "I didn't come out
of my banana castle for such hassles.
Where's my car? This bar is drab."
A banana walks into a bar, bearing fangs, and didn't pay her bar tab.

Posted by CamillaBear on November 7, 2011 at 8:37 PM · Report this
38
Awesome poems.
Posted by aeros66 on November 8, 2011 at 12:50 PM · Report this
39
Lady-Vampire-Banana or
People Drink to Feel Like This Makes Sense (and it does!)

Hottilmysilly
eyelidscrinkle
Cumlit
PinkerfestPinkertest
gottagee
Shikibookah
luahcrême
Nanaluau
Forever!

<3yr
grrlluv,
MahMeeMooMoo
MooBelleteeheehee
MooMooMoo
MooMooBelle
YahYahYah
Forever!

(read it out loud to each other)
WyndyC 8 November, 2011 Hypnagogic Images
Posted by WyndyC on November 8, 2011 at 6:23 PM · Report this
40
Lady-Vampire-Banana or
People Drink to Feel Like This Makes Sense (and it does!)

Hottilmysilly
eyelidscrinkle
Cumlit
PinkerfestPinkertest
gottagee
Shikibookah
luahcrême
Nanaluau
Forever!

<3yr
grrlluv,
MahMeeMooMoo
MooBelleteeheehee
MooMooMoo
MooMooBelle
YahYahYah
Forever!

(read it out loud to each other)
WyndyC 8 November, 2011 Hypnagogic Images
Posted by WyndyC on November 8, 2011 at 6:29 PM · Report this
41
Lady-Vampire-Banana,Ohhhh, miss Lady,
You are the sexiest banana I have ever seen
Ohh, no really, you and your oh so shady
eyeshadow. I'm not sarcastic, nor trying to be mean,
I really find you lovely, like I could peel
you out of your outer banananAH peel
and then maybe I'd try to cop a feel,
or not, just tryin' to be real.

Speaking of real, miss banana unpeeled,
I appreciate that for a vampiress lady
you aren't so pale
and you don't look
like you like to
kill your lover victims.

I like living
I could see being a very happy happy
LADYVAMPIREBANANA lover blood-amigo
if you promised that you'd let me go
before I'd died and said oh me is woe.

Oh Lady Vampire Banana, I love you, you know.
Posted by barfnoosemoosecrashesintocar on November 8, 2011 at 8:33 PM · Report this
42
Up from Louisiana
came a deadly banana
and to me she had a lot of appeal
on good Kentucky Bourbon
she was constantly slurpin'.
That piece of produce was sublimely surreal.
Posted by Emily's guy Mel on November 8, 2011 at 8:35 PM · Report this
43
Up from louisiana
came a deadly banana
and to me she had a lot of appeal
On good Kentucky bourbon
she was constantly slurpin'.
that piece of produce was sublimely surreal
Posted by Emily's guy Mel on November 8, 2011 at 8:47 PM · Report this
44
Banana's-banana's All for Banana's,
Stagger to the left, Spill to the right,
Peel that banana and UMP (thrust your hips forward) take a BITE!!
Posted by recovery_11 on November 8, 2011 at 10:16 PM · Report this
45
a lady who's name might be hanna
was costumed much like a banana
astutely she quipped
as her daiquiri she sipped
this wouldn't play well in havana
Posted by dg on November 9, 2011 at 10:04 AM · Report this
46
THANK YOU EACH AND EVERY ONE FOR YOUR BEAUTIFUL POEMS!

And vote before the day's end
http://lineout.thestranger.com/lineout/a…
Posted by Kelly O on November 9, 2011 at 11:28 AM · Report this
47
her teeth twisted.
her skin peeled.
the echoes of the night
call into her ears.
potassium drenched, she slides
through the crowd.
her next victim law
somber, and alone.
she slips down beside him,
clamps his neck.
in soft tone he speaks,
"my final fruit."
Posted by hpepe4 on November 9, 2011 at 3:24 PM · Report this
48
Dear drunk vamp-anana, white russian in hand, you're sippin on sauce from the wrong fuckin land.
You come from a place known for pirates and blow, not the cold fuckin kremlin where there's nothin but snow.
Blood sucking chiquita, you're so fuckin dumb. Your kind don't mix with vodka, your true spirit is rum.
Think it over a spell and its easy to see,
that an alcoholic fruit should at least be tasty.
Posted by orionm on November 9, 2011 at 7:39 PM · Report this
49
Dear drunk vamp-anana, white russian in hand, you're sippin on sauce from the wrong fuckin land.
You come from a place known for pirates and blow, not the cold fuckin kremlin where there's nothin but snow.
Blood sucking chiquita, you're so fuckin dumb. Your kind don't mix with vodka, your true spirit is rum.
Think it over a spell and its easy to see,
that an alcoholic fruit should at least be tasty.
Posted by orionm on November 9, 2011 at 7:43 PM · Report this
50
Vampire Banana Lady


Twice the strength of a vampire woman

Twice the energy of a banana girl

Transparent pom pom cytoskeleton

Iron bridled anemic soul

White Russian thirst

Protein deficient cell structure

Natural banana genetics alone; cannot quench

Supplemental blood lust

Hemoglobin junkie

Perfectly disguised natural peel

One perfect night out

Amongst the goblins
Posted by Myshack on November 9, 2011 at 7:52 PM · Report this
51
So......KellyO---who won?
Posted by auntie grizelda on November 12, 2011 at 7:44 PM · Report this
Posted by Kelly O on November 16, 2011 at 4:05 PM · Report this

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