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Drunk of the Week

Submission of the Week: Lemmy

Drunk of the Week

JENZI THOMAS

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While most people were drinking their sorrows away with cheap beer after the Seattle Seahawks lost to the Atlanta Falcons 28–30 last Sunday, Lemmy here was holding court at Von's. Did you know that Von's serves a martini for $3.50, every day, any time, day or night? Next time you're going to see a movie downtown, you should throw one (or two) of these down your drink-hole first. It's hard to believe a frickin' martini is cheaper than a small popcorn, but it's a cold, hard fact. recommended

 

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Yo, my alcoholic brothers and sisters, your watering hole is about to shutter its doors soon, so drink up, you weed hating yuppies! Drown those sorrows of fucking up your code writing and passing it off as some new form of art grunge. Face it, you're a weenie if you need to face the day with a Martini (plus one for your pet monkey friend(s), and start smoking as much weed as humanly possible. Seattle needs more THC and less alcohol to keep our local government officials from killing this sleepy fishing village (remember: Free Ballard!), and turning it into some lame cousin to Boston, minus the blue-bloods and landed aristocracy.

Great article about the Zeitgeist of modern day Seattle...home of the Velvet Foam, expensive condos, and a culture of youth who consider anything with a ball played on a field or in a stadium, "art." Yes, that's you, you Martini mamby pambies. Rage against the machine, don't sit at your desk at Amazon and think you're a genius for figuring out a way to take out Barnes and Noble. Turn on, tune in and drop out. Uh, huh! I'm talkin' Timothy Leary here, a real intellectual who was a tenured Harvard professor who would never lower himself to a two Martini high. Go deeper, man! Don't aim for the floor (you inebriated fools) aim for the sky, as Seattle's own Jimi Hendrix implored. That takes an expanded mind, one that is educated, and appropriately filled with any manner of drugs that help you see, you can't make it out of this life alive. Swing for the fences. Roll a fat one, kick back, and turn up Soundgarden's "Outshined" (not "moonshined") to ten, and buck the lemming trend. Free your mind, and your sorry ass will follow.
Posted by LastSeattleHipsterTurnTheLightsOff on January 19, 2013 at 1:46 PM · Report this
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huh - i like it
Posted by yards on January 17, 2013 at 11:21 PM · Report this

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