Eating large quantities of food and watching sports are two of my greatest pleasures (I refuse to feel guilty about these things). To do both simultaneously is bliss. It's officially March Madness time. I have filled out my bracket and placed my bets, and I now must somehow resist the urge to blow off work and watch the NCAA tournament games all day long while feeding my face and growing my girl-girth. Right now I can barely think about anything but Barbecue CornNuts and basketball. Last night while cheering on a nubile young Virginia Commonwealth University Ram named Eric Maynor as he nailed a beautiful pull-up jump shot with 1.8 seconds left to defeat the favored Duke Blue Devils, I got so excited that I knocked a good portion of my dinner (three hot Italian sausages, an entire head of wilted escarole, and some Krinkle Cut Kettle Chips) off of my plate. Then ate it all off my floor. There is just something about tall, sinewy young men's athleticism and ball-handling skills that makes me, my stomach, and my appetite feel insatiable and invincible. For this year's tournament, I've decided to indulge in the nostalgic snack foods of my youth, so last night I went to 7-Eleven and picked up Funyuns, Doritos, a Totino's Crisp Crust Party Pizza Supreme, and a six pack of Coca-Cola Classic. This should last me at least two days.