From the Apr 15 – Apr 21, 2004 issue

Pullout

Eat like...

A Corporate Tool

by Andrew Shuman

Are you looking for a place where you can talk on your cell phone for an entire meal, without a single glowering look? Consider the Microsoft cafeterias (23 in total) where I've eaten lunch for the past 10 and a half years. Cell phones are definitely allowed, as are laptops, pagers, and PDAs. At the caf, people are busy, moving fast; this is not only where things get eaten, but also where internal politicking shines. Conversations are laced with business speak and cryptic numbered codes: "We have to up-level our team. He was a 60, but we need more 61s in here." Microsoft vocabulary is all about turning nouns into verbs and the gerunds fly as we optimize our place in line at Sandwich Central.

We have six different restaurants within our cafe's mall-like setting, but the sandwich bar is my personal favorite, in part because after a day of having all my ideas renegotiated or outright rejected it allows me to order around the worker behind the counter. "I want that bread there," pointing at the whole wheat, "with the Dijon mustard, and two slices of cheddar cheese, and the regular turkey... no not the spiced turkey, regular, with spinach, tomatoes, and sliced pickles. Yes, a pickle spear on the side. Thanks." The amazingly-named Menutainment similarly allows you, the customer, to act as a chef but with pasta, not cold cuts.

Strangely, with all the ethnic-styled food delights like sushi, falafels, or Thai noodles and the diverse nationalities of my fellow employees (Uganda, Pakistan, the Sudan, India, Great Britain, and Bulgaria) by far the longest line is at The Fresh Grille, where you can feast on burgers of all shapes and sizes, from veggie to chicken to meat, and of course choose your own toppings, fries optional. If all else fails there is always the pizza, kept warm by large glowing red lights. Just don't touch that pan---I've still got a scar from the last time I did. After making your choices, you pay, no tip required, with a simple swipe of your Microsoft ID card, proof that at least in the Microsoft world cashless transactions are the norm. A few beeps, and you can move on with your day. Oh, and do you want a Starbucks with that? We have that too.

Are you looking for a place where you can talk on your cell phone for an entire meal, without a single glowering look? Consider the Microsoft cafeterias (23 in total) where I've eaten lunch for the past 10 and a half years. Cell phones are definitely allowed, as are laptops, pagers, and PDAs. At the caf, people are busy, moving fast; this is not only where things get eaten, but also where internal politicking shines. Conversations are laced with business speak and cryptic numbered codes: "We have to up-level our team. He was a 60, but we need more 61s in here." Microsoft vocabulary is all about turning nouns into verbs and the gerunds fly as we optimize our place in line at Sandwich Central.

We have six different restaurants within our cafe's mall-like setting, but the sandwich bar is my personal favorite, in part because after a day of having all my ideas renegotiated or outright rejected it allows me to order around the worker behind the counter. "I want that bread there," pointing at the whole wheat, "with the Dijon mustard, and two slices of cheddar cheese, and the regular turkey... no not the spiced turkey, regular, with spinach, tomatoes, and sliced pickles. Yes, a pickle spear on the side. Thanks." The amazingly-named Menutainment similarly allows you, the customer, to act as a chef but with pasta, not cold cuts.

Strangely, with all the ethnic-styled food delights like sushi, falafels, or Thai noodles and the diverse nationalities of my fellow employees (Uganda, Pakistan, the Sudan, India, Great Britain, and Bulgaria) by far the longest line is at The Fresh Grille, where you can feast on burgers of all shapes and sizes, from veggie to chicken to meat, and of course choose your own toppings, fries optional. If all else fails there is always the pizza, kept warm by large glowing red lights. Just don't touch that pan---I've still got a scar from the last time I did. After making your choices, you pay, no tip required, with a simple swipe of your Microsoft ID card, proof that at least in the Microsoft world cashless transactions are the norm. A few beeps, and you can move on with your day. Oh, and do you want a Starbucks with that? We have that too.