Games of the Year

Best Pretend-to-Rock Game: Neither

Guitar Hero III (most systems) has a solid tracklist and online play, but its subpar production values reek of cash-in. Rock Band (X360, PS3) is better in most respects (songs, features, jammin' with three friends)—but come on, $170? I'm all for fake guitars, but at that price you might as well get ripped off at Guitar Center instead.

Least Embarrassing Mario Game: Mario Strikers Charged (Wii)

Ever wish games like NBA Jam were fun for more than 10 minutes? In spite of a few balancing issues, MSC is "action" sports done right—depth, nuances, table-turning megaplays, and critters tackling the hell out of each other.

Only Game I Played on PS3: Calling All Cars!

Amazing four-player car fights—like a speedball of Burnout and Mario Kart. Maybe I'll play it again someday.

Best Overhyped Game: Bioshock (PC, X360)

I was prepared to poo all over its awards and accolades: The moral dilemma of killing little girls is overrated, "plasmids" ain't really new, and a few miscues (abrupt opening, Pipe Dream–style puzzles) really break up the flow. But Bioshock drips with too much style, substance, and eye-bulging tension to earn my brand of jaded pessimism.

Most Pathetically Addictive Game: Peggle (PC)

Sorry, World of Warcraft. You've been dethroned by a clone of The Price Is Right's Plinko.

Mario Game Worth the Embarrassment: Super Mario Galaxy (Wii)

The game's so colorful and cheery, you may as well sign up for your neighborhood's sexual-predator list right when you load it. But SMG earns its cheer with gravity twists, a sensible learning curve, and pacing like you wouldn't believe. Any other year, it'd be #1. But this year...

Game of the Year: Portal (PC, X360)

Who cares if it's short? No game does four hours better, as this first-person puzzler is funny, smart, and ridiculously accessible. All this from a game where your only weapon is a door creator? Believe it.

Quickies: Need a break from first-person shooters? Go online with Worms Open Warfare 2 (DS) or Bomberman Live (X360), as both offer puzzle combat at its finest. And Skate (X360, PS3), Picross DS, Pac-Man CE (X360), Team Fortress 2 (PC, X360), Knytt Stories (PC, free), and Mass Effect (X360) round out the rest of my top picks for the year. (Halo 3 doesn't make the cut, but who cares? You probably own it—and have kicked my ass on Xbox Live already.)