Go to the Opera Stoned

Seriously. Doooooo it.

Go to the Opera Stoned

I know that telling people to smoke marijuana and then go do stuff is a bit obvious (have you tried this magical herb called "pot" that all the kids are raving about?). But now that it's legal, new doors have opened for entertainment previously unexplored by cautious, law-abiding people.

Like the opera.

The most intense thing about smoking pot is the possibility that something really embarrassing could happen when the stakes of some social situation are very high. And nowhere in live performance are the stakes higher than in opera. Each show costs more than a million dollars to produce. The chorus, the symphony, the wings, and the hall are all stacked with people trying not to fart or wheeze while relying on one person to hit that perfect note on cue. One bad note (or one gusting fart or death rattle), and everyone will know.

Coincidentally, operas are long and pot is the perfect drug for sitting in your chair for a long time while thinking about how fucking weird it is that the woman onstage can hold a single note longer than you can go without blinking your eyes. (It's like you're engaged in a staring contest with her chest, and you lose every time!) At the same time, opera is comprehensible, visually and auditorily captivating, and the talent is stunning enough to make even stoned non–opera fans clap like seals when everything goes perfectly.

Now, I know what some snobfaces are thinking: I'm sullying their fine art with drugs!

But the opera is all about getting buzzed. Take Seattle Opera's La Bohème—it's excellent and you should go (it runs through March 10, my review is here). The show has not one but two intermissions, not including the preshow champagne hour. Two intermissions is an entirely unnecessary number of breaks for a two-hour show, unless the breaks are there for people to drink—which they are. They are also prime opportunities for stoners to stretch their legs on the Seattle Center campus. You can also request meal service at McCall Hall during intermission, which is great because you'll have the munchies.

Now, a few words on pot etiquette: Don't bring a stinky roach back into the theater, and make sure you're well-stocked with breath-freshening mints. Also: Keep your pot in an airtight container, because nobody wants to sit next to someone who reeks. recommended


Comments (19) RSS

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The only way to see "Einstein on the Beach"
Posted by stuck in boston on February 27, 2013 at 12:50 PM · Report this
The funny thing is that back during the days of Mozart, people would talk and carouse and play cards at the opera, occasionally paying attention to what was on stage. It's only more recently that absolute respectful silence has been insisted upon.
Posted by Fr0zt on February 27, 2013 at 12:56 PM · Report this
brandon 3
@2, Yeah I read that too. I think Sully posted a blurb about it. It seems a shame that its gone too, as so many things we go out and do could stand to encourage more socialization.

Posted by brandon on February 27, 2013 at 1:30 PM · Report this
sloegin 4
Act 3 of Die Walkure would be impossible due to all of the giggling.
Posted by sloegin on February 27, 2013 at 1:36 PM · Report this
2: I think that's the #1 reason why classical music is dead (along with jazz), and rock/hip-hop/electronic/etc are living. Because if you go to a concert of any sort of modern music, having fun is encouraged. The only real rule is that you shouldn't pour your beer on someone, but that's about it. Having fun at a classical or jazz concert? Forget about it. It's art. Sit down and shut up. So while there's plenty of young people who like that stuff, the last thing anyone would want to do is pay a lot of money to see it live.
Posted by redemma on February 27, 2013 at 1:49 PM · Report this
all pot ever does is make me paranoid, hungry, and sometimes a little stuffy in the sinus. I can't imagine any of these would make opera more fun.
Posted by DJSauvage on February 27, 2013 at 2:04 PM · Report this
fletc3her 7
If you watch Moonstruck on your Google glasses while at the opera listening to a live performance of La Boheme it will open a magical portal to Living Island.
Posted by fletc3her on February 27, 2013 at 2:22 PM · Report this
I Heart Flan! 8
@6: You are smoking the wrong pot.
Posted by I Heart Flan! on February 27, 2013 at 2:22 PM · Report this
keshmeshi 9

I guess this is more proof of my fuddy-duddy-ness, but that's precisely what I like about classical performances. I can sit down in a reasonably comfortable chair and listen to the performance without losing my hearing.
Posted by keshmeshi on February 27, 2013 at 2:31 PM · Report this
Fnarf 10
If you're smoking the kind of pot that makes you giggle uncontrollably, or involuntarily make audible "uhh, uhh, whoa, oh wow" noises, stay home, please. And if your buzz requires you to feed a steady stream of sweets into your gob, make sure they are not individually wrapped.
Posted by Fnarf on February 27, 2013 at 3:49 PM · Report this
samktg 11
Last year for Valentines day, my girlfriend and I attended Don Giovanni at the Met Opera in NY stoned (perhaps there are more suitable operas for the date). She had never been to the opera before. It was quite the experience. We both had a great time.

Of course none of this was at the expense of our fellow attendees. No involuntary noises or poorly timed snackings. We even smelled clean, having eaten our pot and subsequently brushed our teeth. Being high isn't an excuse for shedding respectful behavior in public.
Posted by samktg on February 27, 2013 at 6:14 PM · Report this
Redemma- do you think everything that requires an attention span is dead? You are supposed to sit quietly in a movie theatre and watch...are movies dead because you can't get up and quote along? I know a ton of young people who attend classical and jazz concerts all the time.
Posted by Laurenwhite82 on February 27, 2013 at 7:43 PM · Report this
From an opera singer that lives in a state where pot is not yet legal (prohibition STILL doesn't work people...) I say DO IT!!! I've gone to a least 3 operas stoned, and it is amazing!
Posted by Largo al fac-toke-tum on February 27, 2013 at 7:52 PM · Report this
@5 I always found the opera way less uptight than the symphony, in any town. I simply won't go to the symphony in a big city venue.

Not that I have the money to go to the opera these days, but I hope to again.

If I hadn't quit smoking pot years ago, I would definitely be making plans for a stoned outing to La Bohème. Sounds awesome.

I'm not too certain the folks running the opera have a problem with people coming stoned if it increases public support for the art....
Posted by cracked on February 28, 2013 at 3:14 AM · Report this
ScrawnyKayaker 15
"Comprehensible" if you speak Italian.

I went to the dress rehearsal of La Boheme, and all I can say is I'm looking forward to brushing up my German and seeing something from the Ring this summer. At least I'll catch one word in twenty without the cheat projector.
Posted by ScrawnyKayaker on February 28, 2013 at 1:28 PM · Report this
From the first time on I went stoned & then "Broadway Bro Down" longtime.
Posted by biff Michael on February 28, 2013 at 1:38 PM · Report this
Matt from Denver 17
@ 15, did you know that it was Wagner who is largely responsible for the transition of opera that @ 2 describes (and @ 3 and 5 stupidly lament)? He created the Bayreuth Festspiele in order to present the Ring on his terms, and one of the his innovations was bringing back Greek amphitheater-style seating. Older opera houses were designed to the audience could look at each other; Wagner wanted attention to be focused on the stage. It ended up revolutionizing how opera audiences behave everywhere.
Posted by Matt from Denver on February 28, 2013 at 4:04 PM · Report this
My friends and I usually kick the hacky-sack around in the aisles at the opera theatre. Sometimes we play ultimate frisbee.
Posted by ctmcmull on March 1, 2013 at 4:02 PM · Report this
A) you're not the first person to do this
B) have you heard about vaporizers?
Posted by Chuckl8899 on April 20, 2013 at 1:01 AM · Report this

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