I know that telling people to smoke marijuana and then go do stuff is a bit obvious (have you tried this magical herb called "pot" that all the kids are raving about?). But now that it's legal, new doors have opened for entertainment previously unexplored by cautious, law-abiding people.

Like the opera.

The most intense thing about smoking pot is the possibility that something really embarrassing could happen when the stakes of some social situation are very high. And nowhere in live performance are the stakes higher than in opera. Each show costs more than a million dollars to produce. The chorus, the symphony, the wings, and the hall are all stacked with people trying not to fart or wheeze while relying on one person to hit that perfect note on cue. One bad note (or one gusting fart or death rattle), and everyone will know.

Coincidentally, operas are long and pot is the perfect drug for sitting in your chair for a long time while thinking about how fucking weird it is that the woman onstage can hold a single note longer than you can go without blinking your eyes. (It's like you're engaged in a staring contest with her chest, and you lose every time!) At the same time, opera is comprehensible, visually and auditorily captivating, and the talent is stunning enough to make even stoned non–opera fans clap like seals when everything goes perfectly.

Now, I know what some snobfaces are thinking: I'm sullying their fine art with drugs!

But the opera is all about getting buzzed. Take Seattle Opera's La Bohème—it's excellent and you should go (it runs through March 10, my review is here). The show has not one but two intermissions, not including the preshow champagne hour. Two intermissions is an entirely unnecessary number of breaks for a two-hour show, unless the breaks are there for people to drink—which they are. They are also prime opportunities for stoners to stretch their legs on the Seattle Center campus. You can also request meal service at McCall Hall during intermission, which is great because you'll have the munchies.

Now, a few words on pot etiquette: Don't bring a stinky roach back into the theater, and make sure you're well-stocked with breath-freshening mints. Also: Keep your pot in an airtight container, because nobody wants to sit next to someone who reeks.