I don't know about you, but I like my rock to be down, drunk and dirty, to have as few chords and ideas as possible. I like rock that involves zero thought, that soundtracks my drinking sprees with a minimum of fuss and a maximum of bluster. I don't need to know what the musicians are singing about: the more incomprehensible they are, the better. So Seattle's PROMISE KEEPERS sing love songs to folk in wheelchairs, love songs to the pariahs of modern civilization (redheads), love songs to midgets and rabbit fingers. So? I could give a shit. I just like the way the Promise Keepers make me feel able to drink two pints of beer while simultaneously raising my fingers to the skies Satan-style. Just turn that damn amplifier up full, dribble that beer down your shirt--and, by all means, start a few fist-fights with the paying customers. Rock music begins and ends with Tad and Motorhead. Period. The Stranger caught up with the Promise Keepers--Neil (vocals), Diane (bass), Zoeger (drums), and Bunny (guitar)--in a squalid Chinese bar somewhere along Broadway.
THE STRANGER: What do you think about onstage?
NEIL: Certainly not the music.
Do you always tell the same jokes when you play live?
ZOEGER: Isn't our music a joke, Neil? Do we play "pull your finger" rock?
BUNNY: Neil is very practiced in his onstage humor. He recites it in front of a mirror. It's a scheduled thing--he tells us when to tune up between songs and when to be silent so he can fit the jokes in. Usually it has to do with the name of the song, punning on it--but then he gets so fucking shitfaced he can't carry out any of his duties. He's more like an actor than a singer. But no one ever gets to see it because he's so ripped before we play. Another drink, Neil?
Do you play experimental or industrial rock? It's obviously rock, but what kind? Soft rock? Elevator music?
NEIL: It's soft rock with a tinge of gothic.
BUNNY: Neil's a lush, and that kind of sucks for us.
It must hold you back.
BUNNY: It does.
NEIL: All right. Next question.
What is the nature of your quest?
DIANE: Isn't it just to offend people?
NEIL: Personally? To offend people.
ZOEGER: To offend people and to make an impression of fucking musical... like... something new, man. To challenge and then to bum them out. Most people can't listen to crazy shit, they need pop. And that's why three-chord punk will always rule, because there will always be stupid people.
Which heavy is better: British or American?
BUNNY: Full-on homometal rules.
ZOEGER: Scorpions and Halford! Yeah!
BUNNY: Is there American metal?
Jack Daniel's or Jolt cola?
NEIL: I'll take a junkie and a shot of jism.
If there's a rock and roll heaven, who's in your fave dead rock band?
NEIL: Four John Bonhams, with Jason Bonham singing.
Does being from Seattle cripple or enhance your reputation?
NEIL: Does being from England cripple or enhance your ability to speak? Okay. I can't talk anymore. I've been clowned over the head by a bottle.
BUNNY: It totally enhances it, because we're riding the coattails of great bands like Candlebox, Mad Season, Harvey Danger, that guy from R.E.M.....
