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To the American Devils:

As you may or may not know, the International Islamic Front for Jihad has issued a crystal-clear fatwa [decree] to the Islamic nation to proclaim jihad [holy war] on the United States. Many of you wonder why. The haughty U.S. government is the leader of crime and terrorism in the world, especially in their provocation of the Muslim peoples, and our hearts are filled with hatred toward the United States of America and the American president that knows no words. However, there is ONE infidel who shall incur the wrath of Allah above all others -- and he is Inspector Gadget.

Of all the criminals who have blocked the efforts of the Muslim peoples, Inspector Gadget provokes the most disgust and revulsion. He is the demon incarnate, with abilities to produce jumping springs on both head and feet, helicopter blades from underneath his hat, as well as a painful boxing glove which pops out to bloody the lips of Allah's children. Even more offensive is that he owns a talking dog (filthy animal), and all his attempts to disrupt our jihad would never have succeeded without the intrusion of his infidel niece, Penny.

Therefore, our enemy -- our target -- is every American who continues to support Inspector Gadget, whether by directly fighting us, or paying taxes. Though we may suffer death or martyrdom, the International Islamic Front for Jihad will get you, Gadget. We will get you.

Osama Bin LadenAn Open Letter from Osama Bin Laden to America

Previously in New Column!

The Stranger Presents...

CHRISTMAS LISTS OF THE STARS!

What do Seattle celebrities want from Santa this year? Let's find out, starting with Retired Ex-Police Chief Norm Stamper!

From the Dec 16 - Dec 22, 1999 issue

My dad was a Chicago police officer during the riots at the '68 Democratic National Convention, where the police busted hippie heads on Michigan Avenue. I called my dad to get his perspective on the WTO riots here in Seattle.

Have you been following the demonstrations in Seattle?

Just what I've seen on the news. I don't think the police there were totally prepared for that level of violence. I don't think they were prepared for all of those crazies, and that outfit out of Oregon -- those anarchists or whatever.

What do you think went wrong?

From my experience, a crowd can always go fucking nuts. It doesn't take much.

What do you think of all the gear the cops had on here?

I went out there in '68 with a little blue plastic helmet that had a little visor on it that wouldn't protect me from anything. I wish we'd had some of that equipment back in '68.

Any advice for Seattle police officers?

You're the uniform; you're the target; you're the guy or the gal who's going to be criticized if you raise that baton and whack somebody over the head, even if they deserve it. In '68, one kid threw a bag of shit at me. You get angry. I remember the terror I felt in '68 during those riots. Most police officers would never say this in public, but most became police officers because they want to make the world safe and beautiful. [Laughs.] Cops who get caught up in this have to do several things. You have to vent among yourselves; you have to keep your sense of humor; and you have to believe you were trying to do a good thing. And you can't let all the negative stuff -- whether it's in the media or an individual citizen that calls you names -- make you feel unappreciated.