From the May 6 – May 12, 2004 issue

Columns

HAPPY FUCKING MOTHER'S DAY

You are the worst mother in the world. How many guys have you told your daughter to call "Daddy" now? Not her biological father, no, because you whored around and then made up that rape thing when you got knocked up at your stupid Mormon college. Then there was your first husband, then my boyfriend, poor sap, and now the current husband and perhaps your secondary man, too? Or does your little girl just know him as your boyfriend? "Mommy left me alone this afternoon to go fuck her boyfriend. When does Daddy get home?" Too bad you don't always sober up before you pick her up at school. At least you wait until she goes to bed to trip on X and shrooms. This Mother's Day--whether you ship your daughter off to her grandparents so you can get drunk and have an orgy all weekend or just leave her home with that pathetic pussy-whipped husband of yours-I hope you get a real warm and fuzzy feeling inside when you hear "Happy Mother's Day." I'll be warmed with the thought that with a shitty mother like you, that kid will end up hating you or be just like you. Either way, you'll get yours.

--Anonymous