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HOW NOW, CHAIRMAN MAO?

Wow, what a week! What's up with this weather, anyway? So, I had lunch the other day at the Cadillac Grill-- great BLT, you should really try one sometime-- and there was this guy sitting behind me talking REALLY LOUD on his cell phone. I hate that! You know? I mean, do these people really think we want to hear about the minutiae of their boring lives? Geez! Anyway, after that I was free for the rest of the afternoon, so I walked down the hill to Videoland-- you know, just to see if there's anything new. Normally I go to Hollywood Video, or sometimes Blockbuster, but I don't know... for some reason that place gives me the willies. Anyway! I'm walking around Videoland, and I notice that they have almost the entire collection of The Avengers on tape. And I said, "Wow, now there's a show I haven't seen in a while." So I checked out a few volumes, and you know what? I really enjoyed them. They were just really surreal, and cool, and... the ones with Diana Rigg were (of course!) my favorites, but I liked Honor Blackman a lot, too. Wasn't she "Pussy Galore" or something in some James Bond movie? Ha! I can't remember. That's a pretty funny name, though! You gotta admit it. So, if you want, check out those videos. They're pretty cool.

See you next week!

Chairman Mao

Satan

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From the Feb 25 - Mar 3, 1999 issue

What in TARNATION have them Yankee polecat politishuns gone 'n' done with mah Prezzydint George Warshington's birfday?? It was bad enuff when them dad-blamed revenooers busted up mah perfeckly good still, but now I'll be hornswaggled if I'm gonna let them guv'mint varmints ignore the birfday of Prezzydint George Warshington. Now, I don't give two hoots or a holler whether we have a "Prezzydint's Day" or not, but ah will NOT allow scoundrels like that no-account Taft, Coolidge, and 'speshly that Millard Fillmore, lumped in with the Foundin' Pappy of our Country! Prezzydint George Warshington had wood teeth, he chopped down the cherry tree, and he ain't never did tell no lie since. And you better best believe that ain't been the case with them "big-city" Prezzydints! How DARE those guv'mint burrycrats besmirch the fine name of Prezzydint George Warshington?? THIS AIN'T GOIN' TO STAND! Now, ah may be just a backwoods hillbilly with a hayseed stickin' out of mah jaw, and a pig stuck to mah privates, but I'm 'MERICAN! And this comin' Mondy, ah invite all mah feller 'Mericans to cel'brate Prezzydint George Warshington's birfday by high-tailin' it outta work, gettin' drunk on jug likker, and shootin' yer squirrel rifle into the heinie of any dad-blasted guv'mint man that steps foot on yer propitty! YEEEE-HAW! I loves me some Prezzydint George Warshington!!

The opinions of Hillbilly Bob Billy Billy do not necessarily reflect the views of The Stranger or its subsidiaries.