From the Mar 21 – Mar 27, 2002 issue

Columns

I, Anonymous

When we got together again, I remembered all the great things about you. You're funny, you're considerate, you're great in bed. But you know what? I forgot all the horribly annoying things. I mean, Jesus. Shut your fucking piehole for one minute would you? I don't want to hear every fucking thought you've had over the past five years. And goddamnit, that eating. The way you eat makes me want to vomit. It's not a race, and it's probably only been an hour since you last stuffed your face with some extra cheesy nachos or beef jerky or some crap. And don't ask the waitress if you can get your chowder in a bread bowl at a nice restaurant. My God. This isn't Subway. Anyway, I tried to be compassionate, but that slovenly eating is just too much.

--Anonymous