I, Anonymous

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From the Mar 28 – Apr 3, 2002 issue

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Kalah Allen

My name is not "YO!" The proper way to get a man's attention is, "excuse me," preferably not hollered. Is there something about me that makes me look like an ATM for Crackhead National Bank? Anyway, I don't really believe you were a firefighter, and though you get points for following current events, it wouldn't move me to give, even if I had watched the 9/11 special the other night.

I almost believed your second claim about being a Vietnam veteran, but even so, you were clearly tweaked out. Fat chance I'd give you cash for more of whatever it is you were high on. My own father became a homeless alcoholic after wrecking two families with his addiction; I never gave him a penny. What makes you think I have a dime for you? My dad later got himself a job and an apartment. I realize social services are inadequate and getting your shit together isn't easy, but no worthwhile life change is. So, here's a tip. Next time, ask me for a sandwich, and ask politely. And don't spit at people when they don't pay up. Someone less sympathetic might try to run your stinky ass down on their way out of the parking lot. Good luck, and God bless.

--Anonymous

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