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I, Anonymous

Don't Make Me Fuck Your Sister

Our New Year's kiss lasted three seconds. What kind of passion is that? You walked away and turned your back on your husband after a three-second kiss. What happened? Last year's kiss was three minutes. By the way, I'm in love with your sister and she knows it. She stared at me while she was still open-eyed kissing her husband while the ball dropped. Because she lusts after me. It's true. We've spoken about it. She has self-control, though, and wouldn't do that to you. I would cave in an instant, though. That's right—my sister-in-law wants me because I'm kinky and her husband is vanilla. And smaller. It's partially your fault, my wife. All of your overly detailed stories of our romance and sex life stoked her passion for me. At least that's what your sister tells me. I love you, I just want a passionate kiss from someone who looks at me the way she does.

—Anonymous

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Comments (33) RSS

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1
Why don't you tell your wife instead of us you silly person?
Posted by Matthew001 on March 7, 2012 at 8:53 AM · Report
2
Clearly you are a dirt bag. Or is it douche bag? Dirty douche bag? I think the problem is obvious: Too fucking much COCAINE and MALT LIQUOR. Get help.
Posted by Arthur Zifferelli on March 7, 2012 at 9:01 AM · Report
3
Threesome, baby!
Posted by meb on March 7, 2012 at 9:09 AM · Report
4
@3 - SISTERS no less! And they are both SMOKIN' HOT! Nothin' like lesbo incest action! Er, that is, after too fucking much COCAINE and MALT LIQUOR. And a little crank to add to the edge...
Posted by Arthur Zifferelli on March 7, 2012 at 9:12 AM · Report
5
Go for it!!
Posted by InSecret on March 7, 2012 at 9:53 AM · Report
6
Dude, it COULD just be your breath, y'know. Hit the mouthwash!
Posted by AlaskanbutnotSeanParnell on March 7, 2012 at 10:12 AM · Report
7
Wow, what an asshole. If your wife has detailed, juicy stories she's telling about your sex life it sounds like you're getting laid, so what's your problem?

You just want to bang someone new. How fucking unique you are. But right, it's partly your wife's fault for not being an exciting new conquest anymore.

And seriously, it's probably your breath. Older guys often have shit breath.
Posted by How typical on March 7, 2012 at 10:40 AM · Report
8
Fuck her sister. For god's sake, man, fuck her sister!
Posted by turtlemilk on March 7, 2012 at 11:35 AM · Report
growler 9
you know what would show em? show em all?..........

FUCK YOUR BROTHER IN LAW!!!!!

booyaa.
Posted by growler on March 7, 2012 at 11:46 AM · Report
growler 10
i just realzed that your wife's sister's husband probably isn't your brother in law.
regardless, fucking that guy would still show em.
then, if they have any pets, you could fuck them too.
Posted by growler on March 7, 2012 at 11:50 AM · Report
11
This is so much better than the church-etiquette bullshit in the last IA.
Posted by ctmcmull on March 7, 2012 at 11:59 AM · Report
12
That's it - I've been pushed over the edge. I'm now completely convinced that life alone with my cat is preferable to taking a chance and ending up with a sleazeball like this.
Posted by TheOtherWoman on March 7, 2012 at 12:13 PM · Report
Roadflare 13
Asshole, plain and simple. All relationships go through periods lacking passion idiot. It doesn't give you the right to be a CPOS, especially with her sister. Grow up, at least your wife is still fucking you and enjoying it. One fucking kiss which lack passion makes you want to cheat, you should get out now because you clearly are a shitty person.
Posted by Roadflare on March 7, 2012 at 12:15 PM · Report
14
This has to be fake, right? How can this guy not realize what a pathetic creep he is? His wife doesn't deserve an anonymous rant, she deserves a fucking Saint of the Year award for agreeing to live with - let alone fuck - this godawful, self absorbed jackass in the first place.
Posted by virginia mason on March 7, 2012 at 12:33 PM · Report
15
but he is larger Virginia?!?!
Posted by GHaaz on March 7, 2012 at 12:47 PM · Report
16
The big truth here is that that frigid bitch is pushing him into an affair, so it's her fault, not his, if he decides to fuck around. I must say, that's a novel rationalization.
Posted by maddogm13 on March 7, 2012 at 2:32 PM · Report
17
" i fucked your sister , i fucked your cat . i'd fuck your mama but the bitch is too fat !" cb4 still on my mind . wellllll fuck it , i'm shure shes bangin around on you anyway . you tell when shes lying , her lips are moving ! by the way tom leykis is back on next month , talk to the professor about your problem ! and have him take you out whitney houston style !
Posted by whatsbeckgottadowithit on March 7, 2012 at 2:40 PM · Report
18
What's six inches long and isn't gonna get sucked tonight? Whitney Houston's crack pipe.

What's three inches long and isn't gonna get sucked again ever? Look down, bro.
Posted by Tucatz on March 7, 2012 at 4:02 PM · Report
victoriastar 19
What kind of delusional, self-aggrandizing CPOS man would blame his wife for his thoughts? This type of projection is common among insecure, noncommittal bastards that marry because they think they should, and cheat because they think it's fair.

What about a little communication? This is your WIFE, you should be able to talk about ANYTHING with her. Not getting the level of passion you want? Shit, there's a book or a class or a therapy for that. if you're mutually monogamous, fucking her sister is cruel. I secretly hope you do ruin the marriage now so at least your wife can move on to someone who loves her back.
Posted by victoriastar http://amyl.onsugar.com/ on March 7, 2012 at 4:55 PM · Report
20
"Leave no stone unturned" is what gramps told me on his deathbed.
Posted by aeros66 on March 7, 2012 at 9:30 PM · Report
ALWAYS Clear Your Cache!!! 21
Matthew was too quick with the logic. We needed to toy with this douche.

Sex life "used to" be good...but now you get 3 seconds at New Years?

She was probably just puffing to her sister in order to convince herself that she didn't make a mistake marrying you.
Posted by ALWAYS Clear Your Cache!!! on March 8, 2012 at 6:07 AM · Report
22
"That's it - I've been pushed over the edge. I'm now completely convinced that life alone with my cat is preferable to taking a chance and ending up with a sleazeball like this. "

This is one of the, simultaneously, funniest and saddest comments I've read in a long time.
Posted by joemomma on March 8, 2012 at 8:09 AM · Report
23
I can't even get a kiss or even a peck on NYE, and I'm not bad for an old guy! Countcher blessings, fool. And...sorry to your wife.

Posted by Organfreak on March 8, 2012 at 9:44 AM · Report
Godzilla1916 24
A visit to the bathroom for a quickie and then go back and give your wife a 3 second kiss with pussy all over your mouth.
Posted by Godzilla1916 on March 8, 2012 at 10:26 AM · Report
25
That whole IA is hot. Hot hot hot. I know what I'll be thinking about as I get down with DH tonight!
Posted by lalilolly on March 8, 2012 at 9:35 PM · Report
26
@25 You're going to imagine your husband is fantasizing about your sister? That would definitely kill my lady boner.
Posted by Mary Mary Why You Buggin on March 8, 2012 at 10:26 PM · Report
27
@ 18 is the funny.
Posted by Richard Herpes on March 11, 2012 at 7:44 PM · Report
28
You married the wrong sister. Tough titties.
Posted by suddenlyorcas on March 11, 2012 at 8:26 PM · Report
29
@1 nailed it. tell your wife the same thing you wrote. though perhaps make anonymous the person your lusting after. no need to create tension between the sisters.
Posted by NWdreaming on March 13, 2012 at 2:08 AM · Report
30
@1 nailed it. tell your wife the same thing you wrote. though perhaps make anonymous the person your lusting after. no need to create tension between the sisters.
Posted by Cabusi on March 13, 2012 at 2:11 AM · Report
31
oh god! i meant you're not your.
Posted by Cabusi on March 13, 2012 at 2:12 AM · Report
32
maybe it was 3 seconds because you were looking at her sister douche nozzle
Posted by dave dynamite on March 13, 2012 at 2:21 PM · Report
Minty 33
Yeah, your poor wife needs to know what a shit head you are. You should tell her so she can get the hell away from you. Any sister who would screw her sister's husband or ex husband is a piece of shit too. If you're so damn kinky take out an ad on lustlab, don't go screw your wife's sister, shithead.
Posted by Minty http:// on March 13, 2012 at 4:47 PM · Report

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