Tools
+ Enlarge this Image
STEVEN WEISSMAN
I've been here in Washington for about five years, and I've lived at your residence going on four years, and I have to say that I'm starting to get tired of these "jokes" you and your family have been parading about since I've been here. Yes, I know that you see me as a part of your family, but these "jokes" are taking their toll. Yes, I know I'm a black man living in a white household, but that doesn't mean I need to hear things like "Every time a police siren is heard" that I "need to be on the lookout" or that I need to take care of my babies' mamas when they're on the Maury Povich show. I have expressed my concern on these issues to you in the past, and it has simmered down, but really, why should I take it? I work, I pay my bills, and I treat this residence like gold. One day, I will not take it anymore and just leave. I do know that it's my fault for being so nice and letting everything slide. But when I do stand up for this, I'm in the wrong and need to "lighten up, we're just joking around," as you say. Seriously? Really? Just joking around? Who does that?
—Anonymous
Submit your unsigned confession or accusation
here.
Please remember to change the names of the innocent and guilty. One submission will be published in the paper and online every week.
2
It takes deliberate work to overcome humans' natural creation of in-groups and in-groups, and it sounds like they haven't done that. Even if they mean well, they need to do the work. Sorry about that.
This is how I do it:
I imagine I am newly in a country where the natives are all Group Z, the group I feel I am stereotyping. Everyone I meet will be Group Z. I will have to find a place to live, make friends, get a job, find tradespeople to buy from, etc. How will I determine which people are sympatico, trustworthy, etc.?
By looking at their expressions, their personalities, the way they treat me. That is, looking at them as INDIVIDUALS.
I quickly do that thought experiment whenever I encounter people of Group Z in real life. It works.
This is how I do it:
I imagine I am newly in a country where the natives are all Group Z, the group I feel I am stereotyping. Everyone I meet will be Group Z. I will have to find a place to live, make friends, get a job, find tradespeople to buy from, etc. How will I determine which people are sympatico, trustworthy, etc.?
By looking at their expressions, their personalities, the way they treat me. That is, looking at them as INDIVIDUALS.
I quickly do that thought experiment whenever I encounter people of Group Z in real life. It works.
3
Seems frustrating but they must feel that you're in on the joke. Like when people feel comfortable saying the n-word with their black friends who allow it.
Without blaming you, you do bear some responsibility for letting it slide so long and giving people the impression that it doesn't bother you much.
Looks like you are at the situation where you need to be very clear with them and tell them it has to stop.
Or just find other roommates.
Without blaming you, you do bear some responsibility for letting it slide so long and giving people the impression that it doesn't bother you much.
Looks like you are at the situation where you need to be very clear with them and tell them it has to stop.
Or just find other roommates.
9
@ 2 -
Such wise words. I've long had that sentiment but rarely heard it put so beautifully. After living in many different countries among many different people (I do international aid work) I've learned that genius, stupidity, kindness and cruelty seem to be evenly distributed throughout every segment of the human population. People get caught up in superficial cultural differences and forget that the only shit that matters in crisis is "can I trust him/her or not?"
Such wise words. I've long had that sentiment but rarely heard it put so beautifully. After living in many different countries among many different people (I do international aid work) I've learned that genius, stupidity, kindness and cruelty seem to be evenly distributed throughout every segment of the human population. People get caught up in superficial cultural differences and forget that the only shit that matters in crisis is "can I trust him/her or not?"
11
Stranger'sWorstNightmate: Yeah, blacks generally don't like ugly white losers with B.O. That probably accounts for your problems on the 358.
13
I had to read this again, just to grok the idea that you're sitting there fighting a battle you CANNOT WIN.
To keep it short: It's a game--half of it functions strictly for the lulz, half for folks with issues to make you carry their psychological water.
BAIL, dude. Let your absence be your response. If they wanna stumble around in the dark, don't sit there, trying to help the fools find the light switch. You CAN'T WIN.
And, from one grown man to another: Don't you EVER cry in a public forum like this again. Just execute the plan. Keep us onlookers out of it.
To keep it short: It's a game--half of it functions strictly for the lulz, half for folks with issues to make you carry their psychological water.
BAIL, dude. Let your absence be your response. If they wanna stumble around in the dark, don't sit there, trying to help the fools find the light switch. You CAN'T WIN.
And, from one grown man to another: Don't you EVER cry in a public forum like this again. Just execute the plan. Keep us onlookers out of it.
15
Well one can't be all that bright to live in that situation for, what 5 years! I wouldn't take it for 5 minutes....unless it was the residence of Mel Brooks!
17
I always thought the in group/ out group thing was fiction because even the members of the in group are kidding themselves.
20
Look, DOOD, if you would lay off the COCAINE and MALT LIQUOR, maybe you wouldn't be the butt of black jokes.
21
It is your own fault for not setting limits. Just tell them it bothers you. If they are as decent as you say they will be mortified.
23
@20 It sounds like the roomies having been taking entirely too much COCAINE and not nearly enough MALT LIQUOR, and therefore their universe is out of balance. All things in moderation!
24
#20, Look, douche, if YOU didn't keep pulling your pants down in public, maybe you wouldn't be the butt of "Microsoft" jokes.
25
I say the N wore everyday and I could care less about who thinks i'm a racist. To me the word racist means someone who actually hates an entire race of people. I say all types of derogatory words on a daily and hourly basis, I've got a ton of friends from every race. Fuck You and your weak ass sensitivity. Get lost
28
No less funny than your tired racist shit(yeah, right, Arthur...EVERY black person on the planet drinks malt liquor and abuses cocaine and none of them ever have any legitimate complaints about what white folks do...yeah, right). You, by contrast, abuse only the finer things...like Pabst and meth-and reality.
Give it a rest already. It wasn't funny the FIRST time you smeared it on your screen in your own shit. It hasn't improved after 1,000 repeat smearings.
Give it a rest already. It wasn't funny the FIRST time you smeared it on your screen in your own shit. It hasn't improved after 1,000 repeat smearings.
29
Reminds me of the Lindy West article about Hipster Racism. Maybe you should forward them the article... http://jezebel.com/5905291/a-complete-gu…
30
@28, erroneous on all counts, I find Mr. Zifferellis comments current and relative. I often feel myself tense up scrolling down, waiting for it... Ahh yes, COCAINE and MALT LIQUOR. Everything is right with this world. In sum Mr. not SeanParnell, beat it nerd.
32
@21 You can't set limits with people in their own homes. They just pull that not under my roof card. The only way around it is to get your own place and never so much as visit theirs again. Much easier to set limits when in your own home.
34
It's not your fault that they can't stop saying racist BS, or even your fault for politely ignoring it, hoping that as they became more comfortable shit would settle down. You need to tell them that racist jokes are offensive (and racist -- not "just jokes"). And then move.
More I, Anonymous
RSS
Twitter
Comments (34) RSS