I, Anonymous

Knock It Off, Hag

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Tor nine months now, you have been convinced that I am fucking the guy you're fucking. He's been my friend for 11 years, yet you are so obsessed with the fear that we're together that you have trashed my name to our mutual friends and anyone else who will listen. You erased my number from his phone. You told the man I was dating and yet another friend to get tested, even though I'm not fucking the latter friend, either. Hell, I even sat down and told you straight up and respectfully that there was nothing going on, yet still the vicious rumors you spread about me sleeping around and having STDs continue. This came to a head when I saw you at a show and you greeted me with "What's up, slut?" I am THROUGH. I'm prepared to call the lawyer I worked for and see what can be done (so far, harassment and slander are legal violations). But if all else fails, I'm going to beat you down like the guano bitch you are (which really isn't my style, but don't let that lull you into a false sense of security). You're in your 40s and at least a decade my senior—get off the goddamn playground, child, and figure out how to generate some fucking admiration and respect, rather than the pity and disgust you currently inspire.


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Comments (31) RSS

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Sounds like she already generates admiration and respect if your friends are willing to believe her over you.
Posted by suddenlyorcas on August 22, 2012 at 9:46 AM · Report this
TVDinner 2
"Guano bitch?" Oh, snap!
Posted by TVDinner http:// on August 22, 2012 at 10:02 AM · Report this
growler 3
(using sing songy voice)
I dunnoooooo....... i think something happened, i think something happened, la la la, la la fucked your frieeeeennd, na na na boo boo!!!
Posted by growler on August 22, 2012 at 10:48 AM · Report this
thatsnotright 4
Anon: get notarized statements from the guys stating you did not sleep with them and post them on Facebook. You can even create A "She's a lying guano bitch" fan page.
Posted by thatsnotright on August 22, 2012 at 11:39 AM · Report this

Posted by Bloated Jesus is Bloated on August 22, 2012 at 12:12 PM · Report this
Tor nine months?
Posted by jenc01 on August 22, 2012 at 1:21 PM · Report this
A 30 year old and a 40 year old walk into a finish the joke.
Posted by gosantaclara on August 22, 2012 at 1:46 PM · Report this
You should fuck her sister.
Posted by turtlemilk on August 22, 2012 at 1:53 PM · Report this
It sounds a lot like too much COCAINE and MALT LIQUOR to me. On the other hand, maybe she secretly wants to stick her tongue up your wet hot shaved snatch? I suggest you proposition her to find out...
Posted by Arthur Zifferelli on August 22, 2012 at 2:22 PM · Report this
mtnlion 10
I'm in the camp with 1.

If there are people in your life which you consider friends that have bought this obviously shitty woman's stories about you fucking her boyfriend and having nasty STDs, they can just go fuck right off then can't they? Your real friends--the people who really know you--won't even listen to that shit.

Also: Why is one of your friends of 11 years dating a woman who openly disparages and slanders a person he also considers a good friend? If I was dating a guy who said something that shitty about one of my friends, I would have none of that. Your male friend doesn't think of you as such a good friend because he allows his gf to spread that shit around (in which case, fuck him and fuck her) or has deep issues that have led him to stay in a relationship with a psycho (in which case, back away slowly from all that noise).

Methinks you should reevaluate who you spend your time with and how you determine if one is a "friend."
Posted by mtnlion on August 22, 2012 at 7:54 PM · Report this
@1 and 10, It doesn't say anything about them believing the crazy lady over her and it sounds like they're just giving her the heads up that this lady is talking shit about her. What did you think, the two guys she didn't sleep with took the crazy lady's word for it that they did over their own experiences?

As for why the guy is still with the crazy lady, has no one here ever seen a friend date someone who was clearly a horrible idea despite all the warning bells and flashing lights? It's usually because either the sex is out of this world or some deep emotional need is being furfilled at the expense of all else.
Posted by sweet g on August 23, 2012 at 6:25 AM · Report this
mtnlion 12
I just think that the fact that she worries so much about "her name being trashed" by this person gives me a clue that at least some people are buying it, and I think those people are the ones she's gotta not worry about. Letting it get to her this much is probably quite rewarding to the shit-talker--it shows that her words have power and do bother her.

Also, great sex is no excuse to stay with someone who talks that much shit about a friend. And the deep emotional thing makes sense (I addressed it briefly), but I also think that she should try to distance herself from people like that. I don't think, by any means, that people with distress ought to be abandoned, but that getting too close can just suck otherwise healthy people right in. She should be cautious around the male friend.
Posted by mtnlion on August 23, 2012 at 6:47 AM · Report this
Can we safely assume you're both residents of Kent?
Posted by ctmcmull on August 23, 2012 at 8:22 AM · Report this



Posted by jack chandelier on August 23, 2012 at 12:09 PM · Report this
You never flatly denied the STD thing, only described it as a nasty rumor. Well, rumors can be true, you know.

Sooo .... STDs or not. I really, really need to know.
Posted by Cletus on August 23, 2012 at 1:15 PM · Report this
I have visions of a pillow fight, a little hair pulling, a broken nail or two, followed by HOT LIPSTICK LESBIAN SEX.
Posted by Arthur Zifferelli on August 24, 2012 at 9:55 AM · Report this
IsabellaByersKerr 17
Have you thought about telling this to the dude? Just sayin, maybe time for him to sever that friendship if she's doing all those bad things to you and he's still friends with her, it makes one wonder....
Posted by IsabellaByersKerr on August 24, 2012 at 11:15 AM · Report this
debug 18
Unless your friend of 11 years is completely ignorant of the situation, he's not being a friend.

When your friend brings a monkey into your home, you don't blame the monkey for ripping up the furniture and pissing on your pillow.
Posted by debug on August 24, 2012 at 12:22 PM · Report this
I guess it didn't take too long to blame a man for a woman's bad behavior.
Posted by montex on August 24, 2012 at 10:20 PM · Report this
mtnlion 20
@19: What? Are you making this a gender thing?
Posted by mtnlion on August 26, 2012 at 12:14 AM · Report this
funnylittlemunki 21
Oh women. Why are we always tearing each other down. :-(
Posted by funnylittlemunki on August 26, 2012 at 8:25 PM · Report this
I'm glad that I don't have fucked up friends.
Posted by Dragonpie on August 27, 2012 at 3:28 AM · Report this
Texas10R 23
"Tor nine months now,"

What the tuck?
Posted by Texas10R on August 27, 2012 at 11:33 AM · Report this
Texas10R 24
"I'm prepared to call the lawyer I worked for and see what can be done (so far, harassment and slander are legal violations). But if all else fails, I'm going to beat you down like the guano bitch you are..."

So, did you want to sue her BEFORE or AFTER your arraignment for assault?
Posted by Texas10R on August 27, 2012 at 11:38 AM · Report this
yucca flower 25
I have a feeling the "male friend of 11 years" is fanning the flames. Seriously, if you dated someone who was "psycho" and made up stories about a friend slutting around with you, wouldn't you kick the "psycho" to the curb? I get some men will do anything for a warm wet hole to stick it in but I doubt this is the case in this situation. The 40-year-old hag's jealousy is coming from somewhere. I bet you the "male friend of 11 years" who's the hag's "lust object" is the one who actually started these rumors. It happened to a college roommate of mine. You need to call this turd on his bullshit and do it in front of all your friends and the psycho 40-year-old hag.
Posted by yucca flower on August 28, 2012 at 8:53 PM · Report this
freikja 26
I am the one who posted this. None of our friends believed it, and actually spoke up to her about it. They still ain't buying it, because they have no reason to. Her 'man', who insists they never actually dated though she thinks they are, has dropped her. You are welcome to do your typical Slogger thing where ya find fault where none exists, but this is some single white female shit l've never dealt with. Bitch is guano.

By the way, not my typo, Stranger, though l appreciate your printing it so l can avoid the law in general.
Posted by freikja on August 29, 2012 at 7:53 PM · Report this
Why don't you two settle it with a nice hot oil wrestling match?
Posted by TheBadSeed131313 on August 30, 2012 at 10:16 AM · Report this
freikja 28
Oh, and my friend is certainly not fanning the flames. He is no longer dating her because she also called every female in his phone and harassed them, wanting to know exactly what his relationship with them was - including his family members.

She was never a friend of mine. We were casual acquaintances from around the neighborhood, and were fine until he returned (he'd dropped off the map for a couple of years due to his job), when all this started. l honestly didn't even know they knew each other, much less that they were fucking, so it was totally left field for me, and having never been in this position, had no clue what to do about it, hence the l, Anon. But this shit has started up again, and l know my friends well enough that they're not buying it, but when someone talks that kind of shit about you repeatedly, it simply gets tiring, and more especially when they confront you directly to verbally abuse you. lt's childishh and inane, especially at our age.

l would do the hot oil wrestling match and win if she were actually attractive. lt's a shame she's so homely.
Posted by freikja on August 31, 2012 at 6:46 PM · Report this
Y.F. Redux 29
At Anon,

Sounds like your guy-friend has a stalker and you're getting splash-back. Get to the police and the lawyer post-haste. Make all witnesses to the cray-cray make official statements and get a restraining order. Don't let this go on a minute longer. Treat this "guano bitch" like she's "toxic super-fund bitch" and make sure she's "neutralized" by the law.
Posted by Y.F. Redux on September 2, 2012 at 5:39 PM · Report this
Your friends are not your friends if they're tolerating her, including and especially the dude involved. If he isn't telling her off, he doesn't give a fuck about you.
Posted by move on, yo on September 17, 2012 at 8:41 AM · Report this
Oh man, I also had a hag like this on my back like a shark fin, but without the STD smears. Girl was convinced I was after her bf and/or that there was something going on even though we'd been friends for a couple years before they even met, and I'm happily with someone else by now. She broke into his Facebook- this was apparently ongoing- and discovered that we were exchanging light conversation and links, as friends do. Next thing I know I'm getting crazy nasty emails and dozens of security notifications from Facebook, informing me that someone has been trying to reset my password. Her work domain shoes up in my website Analytics on a regular basis. Even though I have not even seen or spoken to her in nearly 2 years, and blocked all associations online completely, and this is old ass news, she still stalks my website and recently tried to reset my FB about 8 times in a row. I too have wondered what I may be able to do legally. Single white female!
Posted by ellie_dee on November 23, 2012 at 7:44 AM · Report this

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