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I, Anonymous

Putting the "Pro" in Prostitute

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Steven Weissman

Work, I hate you. I know I should feel grateful in these times that I have you. But the only reason I'm staying with you is out of fear and the reality that I don't know if there is something that can replace you. When you ask me if I love you, I say, "Of course, baby," because I am utterly and completely dependent on you. When you demand I spend more time with you, I'll go out of my way to find ways to spend less time with you. I've always said I wouldn't stay with you for the money. But here I find myself with you for the paycheck. Fuck you, work.

Submit your unsigned confession or accusation here. Please remember to change the names of the innocent and guilty. One submission will be published in the paper and online every week.
 

Comments (56) RSS

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1
uhm, isn't that the sentiment of about 95% of the working force? I hate working too, hate it, hate it, hate it, completely, abolutelyt, intensly with ever fibre of my being, but I don't understand why you would have to hide behind anonymity to say that? Unless the person is employed at The Stranger
Posted by bleh on April 22, 2009 at 11:42 AM · Report this
2
First!
Also, you and half of everyone else. Not liking work, and doing it for the money - even as it demands more of your time and commitment is the American way. Yawn.
Posted by zmoneybone on April 22, 2009 at 12:26 PM · Report this
3
Oh liberals. Always hating their damn jobs because they're too busy thinking about doing drugs and getting drunk. The least you could do is earn it. You never will though, you'll be too busy telling us that we don't deserve what we worked hard for.

I'll be out on my boat tomorrow. Have fun fucking some lunatic.
Posted by i love life on April 22, 2009 at 12:58 PM · Report this
4
People who love life don't rip on other people. You may feel many things, but that's not love.
Posted by hox on April 22, 2009 at 2:54 PM · Report this
5
i love life,

That's ironic. Chastise people for not working hard and then announce you will spend the day (a WEEK-day and not Sat. or Sun. I might add) on your boat. Are you a professional sailor, diver or pirate? Otherwise, doesn't sound like you are working all that hard.
Posted by Lynnehs on April 22, 2009 at 3:36 PM · Report this
6
People who write "First!" and then are actually second are complete and utter douchebags. Come to think of it, so are the people who write "First!" and are actually first. It's not like it takes some great talent or expertise to type a word and click the mouse. Get a life.
Posted by not first on April 22, 2009 at 4:52 PM · Report this
7
I think the idea is that "I love life" has worked so hard that he can take time off during the week...
Posted by JF on April 22, 2009 at 4:52 PM · Report this
8
Okay. I know you people are going to hate on me for saying stuff (everyone gets hated on in the comments section!), and I know I'm about to sound like a retard Pollyanna on crack, but here goes.

I actually like to work. No, I complain like anybody else, no doubt about that. But deep down inside I'd rather go to work on a regular basis than stay home on my couch and fart.

Even when I had to close up the Starbucks at 1am, even when I had to compile hundreds of receipts for my boss's expense reports, even when I sorted envelopes as a mail clerk, I actually told myself "okay self, this may be stupid, but do your best damn job and try to like it". And it worked.

Each job can be enjoyed to some degree. I liked sorting mail because it appeased my OCD. I liked working at Starbucks because I enjoyed getting to be a good barista. So whatever, getting up in the morning to trudge to work is a pain in the ass, but nothing is 100% bad. Even the lousiest of employment has SOMETHING you can find enjoyable. And if not- you can always make up your own work. Don't like filing? Clean the communal kitchen instead. Hate cleaning? Volunteer to make some spreadsheets. It's all good- just apply yourself.

So enjoy it, people. Your alternative is staring at you from street corners asking for loose change.

And, "i love life"- I'm a LIBERAL. So suck it. We like to work too.
Posted by Lizza on April 22, 2009 at 6:39 PM · Report this
9
C'mon.
Posted by coggie on April 22, 2009 at 9:25 PM · Report this
10 Comment Pulled
11
There's a group for people who hate their job. It's called everyone. we meet every night at a place called the bar. You should come down some time, we've been waiting for you.
Posted by tenth on April 22, 2009 at 11:26 PM · Report this
12
actually, even though I love my work, and it is really well paid, flexigble hours etc.... at the same time I can't help hating work....... ???wft???
Posted by girlinspain on April 23, 2009 at 8:05 AM · Report this
13
The sky is blue when you can see it.
Posted by Mr. Puterschmidt on April 23, 2009 at 8:35 AM · Report this
14
so, i love life, how come all the sleaze bags I see (on my way to work...) on their scooters on their way to the unemployment office, are largely christian conservatives with too many kids? There's a fat bitch who hitches a kids wagon to her scooter to haul her soon to be scooter bound fat ass kids around. She doesnt work, but she wears a cross.
Posted by vitamins on April 23, 2009 at 8:44 AM · Report this
15
Why is the alternative to having a job sitting on the couch and farting? Am I the only one who could get so much done with their lives if only the didn't have a job getting in the way?
Posted by sweet g on April 23, 2009 at 9:12 AM · Report this
16
WTF was THAT?!
Posted by Display Name on April 23, 2009 at 9:13 AM · Report this
17
(HUGE DRAWN OUT SIGH!!!!) I,ANON ,dare I say it? WTF is this.every time I think youve sunk as low as you can go.....you prove me wrong. I,ANON youre the real pro whore here. Anything can fill your box as long as you get paid. :(
Posted by P.E.T.A. People. Eating. Tasty. Animals. on April 23, 2009 at 12:36 PM · Report this
18
Didn't I just read this somewhere else ... ?
Posted by Deja Vu on April 23, 2009 at 1:29 PM · Report this
19
Well, it would be great if we could, somehow, use this situation, this collapse of at least part of the existing order(the financial system)to reshape life and the workplace in such a way that work could regain dignity and creativity.

If work is what we have to do, we should have the right to have it mean something.

We do not need to have this system structured so that only a tiny elite get to do things that matter and the rest of us are reduced to being "expendable" and "deadwood".

There is a chance, if we let our imaginations come back to life, if we let our dreams out of the cold storage units of our souls, that we could make work, and life, something better.

Let's reclaim this millennium, campers! Let's reclaim ourselves!
We don't have to be doomed to the rut forever.
Posted by alaskanguy on April 23, 2009 at 1:49 PM · Report this
20
that is one weird I anon letter...

few like work.. lucky to like mine..
Posted by patrick star on April 23, 2009 at 4:12 PM · Report this
21
I feel ya. I know at least a dozen other people who hate their jobs and keep it only because there is no other alternative.

And, I would never be as self-righteous as the mofos here and say "Don't complain!", because having a shitty jobs BLOWS and if you were lucky enough to never have experienced the torture that is a shitty job, then stop hating on people who AREN'T YOU.

I don't think this I, Anonymous is the most original, but that's not really the point of these. Having someone anonymous say this allows thousands of readers to relate and feel the comfort of knowing there are others like them. Because sometimes, you forget you're not alone.
Posted by tulips for sale on April 23, 2009 at 8:14 PM · Report this
22
your alll soo very, very, teeender... like leeeeetill baybeees!!!!:)
Posted by le poop on April 23, 2009 at 8:37 PM · Report this
23
I think i love life meant to say "I'll be out on my boat tomorrow. Having fun fucking some lunatic."
Posted by wordone on April 23, 2009 at 10:21 PM · Report this
24
I'd rather hear about your focused effort to find a better job or an education to get to a better place. Bitching, is, well, bitching.

Don't worry - there's something to replace it. Keep a positive attitude and good luck.
Posted by OpportunityAwaits on April 24, 2009 at 1:42 AM · Report this
25
My wife loves her job, she complains about it all the time. She loves me, she complains about me sometimes too. People complain about things they love all the time, we're all guilty of it. It's human nature, it's samsara, it's the nature of this existence. There's some relief when you stop obsessing on finding the holy grail of happiness and start working on being present in the moment, shitty job or not.
Posted by be here now on April 24, 2009 at 9:59 AM · Report this
26
People who write "First!" and then are actually second are complete and utter douchebags. Come to think of it, so are the people who write "First!" and are actually first. It's not like it takes some great talent or expertise to type a word and click the mouse. Get a life.
****************************************************************************

I "2nd" that!
I guess those who write "first" think they should be given a prize or a party should be thrown for them in honor of their stupidity.
Posted by Trey on April 24, 2009 at 10:46 AM · Report this
27
lizza,

i agreed with what you posted until you overshot your point and got all preachy.

it's easy to like work when you're only in charge of doing mindless tasks, isn't it?

up the stress and trade starbucks in for a real career. we'll see if your sickening jefferson smith idealism is still intact then.

Posted by the simple are easy to please on April 24, 2009 at 6:05 PM · Report this
28
I love working for myself. I hate waking up early, making life altering decisions that may or may not be to my benefit. So I will occasionally bitch. Bitching about work is natural (oh wait, I'm not the only one who's noticed that!). Loving life- right on, you did earn it. I'm earning it too and to all you bitches who want to complain about the man....well, why haven't you thought of something WORTH something and made the effort to get it out there? Quit crying about what hasn't been given to you and make it happen, dammit. You don't have to be a sell out to be successful. I'm sure it didn't hurt Mr. BoatMan however. Not being successful is your own damn fault. No one MADE your lack of creativity but you right?
Posted by tinest violin on April 24, 2009 at 11:17 PM · Report this
29
Fuck you, "i love life." I'm a liberal that has worked well paying jobs my entire adult life, without any breaks of employment between job changes.

I, for one, am fucking sick and tired of you shit-encrusted-conservative-assholes that think you make the fucking world economy function. If anything, your kind has ruined it for the majority of us. So kiss my ass!
Posted by Frau Blucher on April 25, 2009 at 8:46 AM · Report this
30
This was the best the editors could come up with? I miss the good ol' days of I Anonymous when folks threw rocks at cars whose drivers didn't respect cross-walks. This one's just plain b-o-r-i-n-g.

Posted by aintnothing on April 25, 2009 at 8:50 AM · Report this
31
This I anon should have been called 'what's love got to do with it'
I like this OP for the simple poetry and ironic parable via allusion, not for the literal statements within (taking this I anon at face value would be an idiot's mistake):
Some workers are like co-dependant lovers in a bad relationship. [ for the slow ones in the class: Some jobs are typical males like Ike, and some wage-slaves are like Tina] It takes two to make this bad dance work, but it happens... some folks are just addicted to love (even the abusive kind) and need their fix.
Perhaps a fool in love will read this and be inspired to re-examine their own relationship with their career, and look hard within themselves to see the best - and decide if they should make a change; then, when the heartache is over, even if they continue a life as a co-dependant wage-slave, they might at least find some job where it's going to work out fine, a job to be good to them, and maybe meet one or two people sharing more of their values.
It's valid too, if that job isn't some super-salary whorefest or some terribly stressful/important twenty-four-seven position of responsibility: some folks believe the way of the world is that there's more to life than greed, that money does not equal wealth, and that you can't take it with you . These same folks know you tend to live longer and happier, and with happiness you have whatever you need, too.
Posted by Rev.Smith on April 25, 2009 at 9:41 AM · Report this
32
No one loves their job. They just dislike it less than any other shitty job they could have. If any job was actually fun somebody would build a fence around it and charge addmission.

Posted by dan l on April 25, 2009 at 4:57 PM · Report this
33
I laughed my ass off at this anonymous! It resonated with me b/c I am 6 months into a job that I practically abor. I have never experienced such disdain in my 22 years in the work force. Lighten up people! This was freakin' hysterical. . .
Posted by gnittink on April 25, 2009 at 9:15 PM · Report this
34
Yes, I think it is all about the half empty or full. We are dealt a hand and we have the choice to fold, play shitty or play well...it is in our hands and we get to play it.
Posted by ddemunga on April 25, 2009 at 9:49 PM · Report this
35
Having left the Emerald City for Portland, I do not miss these nasty backbiting comments. I remember when Seattle was a much nicer place. We could play on words here in The Stranger and not be so damn mean to one another. I was there for 15 years. Just left 2 years ago; I was in town for a few days last week and was stunned at how much had changed, esp. the nastiness factor. What's up everyone's ass? It's obviously nothing enjoyable, whatever is stuck up your collective rear-ends. Can't you get back to apathy if not nice?
Posted by whatsup on April 25, 2009 at 11:21 PM · Report this
36
This is why I'm so glad I don't work some cubicle job that I hate, or any other kind of job that is routine and meaningless... I'm a teacher. I have great hours (I can still leave after a work day and enjoy sun from a boat, "I love life"...), I love my high school kids who make me laugh all the time, and I feel rewarded for the work I put in. I am so glad I chose this profession!
Posted by Sara on April 25, 2009 at 11:23 PM · Report this
37
GO, Frau Blucher!!

Oh..AND..."I Love Life"?
Kiss MY ass, too!
Posted by auntie grizelda on April 26, 2009 at 4:31 AM · Report this
38
WOW.

Sara---it sounds like we're among the lucky ones then. Bless you for being a teacher!
I'm a musician, college educated, and performing and writing my own music.

While I still need a "9-to-5er" type job to support my passion, it's do-able. I love the people I work with and for. And thankfully, my hours on the clock are flexible, too. I can still wrestle my irresponsibly overfed cat and take occasional drives along the beach with the top down.

Be it ever so humble, there's no place like Bohemian home!

Posted by humblepie on April 26, 2009 at 4:51 AM · Report this
39
I actually like this. We are all whores for the dollar in one way or another.
Posted by Lauren on April 26, 2009 at 7:59 PM · Report this
40
To humblepie: looks like we have even more in common than you thought.. I'm a music teacher :) I also teach math, but I do get a lot of energy from teaching others to sing in a group. But i know that even if I taught math all day, I could still get my music fix elsewhere .. it's great working with kids. You see the immediate effects of the hard work you put in, and it's helping someone in a real way, versus just innputting some numbers for a big company you (may or may not) hate and working with boring personalities. I'm not saying everyone with a 9-5 feels that way, but if they DO, they need to look elsewhere because there's other ways to be happy.

For example, I also have friends who serve full time and they absolutely love the restaurant business and their coworkers and showing their customers a great time.

Keep on with the music though, that's awesome you're a composer as well...
Posted by Sara on April 26, 2009 at 11:16 PM · Report this
41
Wow, Sara---!!

Good for you!! Both a Music AND a Math teacher! That's wonderful!
Those lucky kids!

I have been striving for a Master's degree in Composition in my spare time, but because money has been really tight for me (a long story that I won't bore you with, but after having been burnt once by student loans, I'd rather not go there again), I have been doing what I can musically (i.e.: tutoring, composing).
I agree: Amen to doing what keeps us happy. Life's otherwise too short!
Posted by humblepie on April 26, 2009 at 11:51 PM · Report this
42
Dear Bleh,

As someone who has worked in both HR and Marketing, I know all too well that what people post online by their name can and will be found by an employer. In a case like this, it could very well be used against the writer. Maybe you should change "bleh" to your real name so we can come and find you, too?

And to Mr. I Love Life, some of us work all hours of the night and day for jobs we don't necessarily like. Saying we don't like them doesn't mean that we're not hard workers or don't like to work. Having to remind yourself of your gratitude for a job when they are asking 20 extra hours isn't exactly fun $0.00 extra pay. Because the author is right, if you don't do that right now, you will be chopped and replaced in seconds. So, suck it.
Posted by bethATL on April 27, 2009 at 9:09 AM · Report this
43
LAST!!!!
Posted by Anthropomorphitize me on April 27, 2009 at 12:26 PM · Report this
44
Wow, that cartoon is pretty hot. I love chubbier-than-average prostitutes. So much better than the anorexic hookers.
Posted by Ciah on April 27, 2009 at 3:53 PM · Report this
45
forty-fifth!
Posted by db on April 28, 2009 at 10:40 AM · Report this
46
@ zmoneybone & yuiop:

First! FAILS

Posted by Down North on April 28, 2009 at 11:21 AM · Report this
47
I was gonna work for the weekend, but now I'm just gonna abide, man.
Posted by The Dude on April 28, 2009 at 2:05 PM · Report this
48
To I love life and tinest violin. Don't act like you know everyone's situation. Its so easy to condemn people you don't know who don't have jobs and call them lazy or just assume their less than ideal situations in life are somehow related to lack of effort. Violin you say, "Quit crying about what hasn't been given to you and make it happen, dammit." My situation is that I tried to make it happen and it hasn't. Five years ago I decided I wanted more than being a carpenter so I decided to go to school for engineering. My freshman year most graduates in the Civil Engineering department had jobs lined up by Christmas. This year two weeks from graduation only 25% of the department has jobs. So are you saying that 75% of graduating Civil Engineers from my school are lazy? Or is it maybe like the rejection letters all tell us "due to economic uncertainty blah blah blah..." If this can happen to me I am sure I am not the only one in this country to be currently unemployed not because I am lazy, unmotivated, incapable or what ever other label you slap on the unemployed. Maybe other people are like me and are unemployed just because there are few less jobs than there was a few years ago.

Oh and to I love life. You like to group and stereotype people. Well how about I make assumptions based on you owning a boat. Owning a boat means you might be wealthy. Being wealthy you also assume being liberal equals drug use therefore you must be a republican. Hey weren't a bunch of the CEO's and bankers from places like AIG wealthy boat owning republicans who hate liberals. Didn't those wealthy liberal hating boat owning republicans contribute in some small part to this economic downturn we are in. So then its back to my situation that as an honors student in Civil Engineering I cant seem to find employment because the economy is doing poorly. So as a wealthy boat owning liberal hating republican don't you share a portion of the blame for my crappy employment opportunities. Wouldn't it be fair to say that wealthy liberal hating republicans paid for their boats by taking opportunities from others. I think my logic is just a impeccable or flawed (your choice) as yours.

One last thing I am a poor person who got into a somewhat expensive private college. It's amazing how many rich kids who have never had to work to pay the bills and make decisions about which bill is getting paid and which one is going risk collection. What is even more amazing is the rich kids who never had to work for what they have seem to think America is the land of opportunity and that all it takes is hard work to make it therefore those not making it must be lazy and should just work harder. Boat man you sound like this spoiled rich kids once they hit middle age and have never known what it was like to start near the bottom and try to work your way up. Boat man I wonder if maybe you didn't start your life at a point it takes most people 30 years to reach.

In closing to all you who think someone is lazy based on the employment or social economic status go fuck yourselves.
More...
Posted by unemployed honors student on April 28, 2009 at 5:50 PM · Report this
49
Like seriously, everyone here is whining that everyone hates work and yes it's hard blah blah... but working in starbucks or sorting mail is a far fucking cry from being a prostitute. Nothing against prostitutes who find their job fun but most would agree there are often physical, emotional and health hazards not comparable to most jobs.
Posted by Rusty on April 28, 2009 at 9:22 PM · Report this
50
Sounds like the typical housewife to me.
Posted by booger on April 29, 2009 at 11:02 AM · Report this
51
I agree with Lizza. The last time I was unemployed (for 3 months, some 6 years ago), I hated it. I started doing work (not paid, just work) just to keep me busy. Doing nothing was driving me nuts.

And personally, I actually like my job. I don't much like getting up with not-quite-enough-sleep-last-night, and I don't like some of the bullshit I have to put up with at work, but the actual work is quite nice.
Posted by Ernie on April 29, 2009 at 2:48 PM · Report this
52
If you hate your job so much, figure out something you would or even MIGHT like to do to pay the rent and then go to school or whatever it takes to get there. Contrary to what most of the posts here claim, everyone does NOT hate their job. I don't love mine all the time, but if i'm going to have to spend such a big chunk of my life doing something, I'm not going to be a lazy, whiny moron and have it be something I hate. You don't like it? Get off your ass and do something about it.
Posted by laurijst on April 30, 2009 at 1:04 PM · Report this
53
to unemployed honors student---

BOY, can I ever relate! I'm sorry about your ongoing experience with being underemployed after pursuit of a higher education in engineering.

I have recently been told that "due to state cuts in education, blah, blah, we are having to be more selective in our upper division applicants..." So----it looks like I'm not going to be in graduate studies in Music Composition at the local university any time soon.
My professors there have graciously invited me to at least sit in on their Composition Seminar class, however--even if they can't provide one-on-one lessons.
I have been reminded that I don't have to have a Master's Degree from their program to be a composer. So I keep plugging away, playing my flutes, and writing music in my spare time, in hopes that it can start to pay off.

I guess we're all doing the best we can (or trying to) with what we've got. Know you're definitely not alone. Hang in there.
Posted by humblepie on May 1, 2009 at 5:44 AM · Report this
54
From the title, I expected this to be from an actual prostitute. Lame!
Posted by Jack Frost on May 1, 2009 at 7:52 AM · Report this
55
To 10th comment: We've been there since lunch!

10ths Comment: There's a group for people who hate their job. It's called everyone. we meet at a place called the bar. You should come down some time, we've been waiting for you.

tabaslotb.com (anon)
Posted by TabA on May 2, 2009 at 7:45 PM · Report this
56
And Lizza: you go, girl!
Do you still run a barista?
Posted by auntie grizelda on May 3, 2009 at 10:26 PM · Report this

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