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I, Anonymous

Crack Cracks Are Wack

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STEVEN WEISSMAN

Here's the skinny: My best friend in the entire world is addicted to meth. Now, I want you to picture a "drug addict." What's the first few things you think of? If you said something along the lines of cracked out, homeless, and begging for change in the parking lot of a fast-food restaurant on skid row, then you are closed-minded and shallow as fuck. I am sick and tired of hearing you and your friends talk about meth, heroin, and any hard drug like it's some sort of joke. I actually overheard some of you assholes while you scrolled through your Facebook news feed make some comment about a photograph of one of your friends. You said something along the lines of "Man, you look so CRACKED OUT! You look insane! Are you on METH, dude?" and all of you laughed like it was the funniest thing in the world. Who are you, Dane Cook? My best friend, among others, is not some sideshow freak. He doesn't rob liquor stores for drug money and he's not prostituting himself for his next high. In fact, he's a highly functioning member of society with an income, a place to live, and an intelligence that some of you low-life douchebags ought to strive for. Just as feminists preach that rape is not a funny joke, I'm trying to say that drug addiction isn't either. Stop making my friend the butt of your jokes before I make you the reason I'm on death row.

—Anonymous

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Comments (50) RSS

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1
meth is ok. murder is ok. we get it already!
Posted by ck on October 3, 2012 at 9:43 AM · Report this
2
Sorry, but drug addicts are losers. He may be "highly functioning" with a place to live and a good income, but that will not last forever. Sooner or later, he will hit bottom.

That said, I do agree that addiction is not funny. It killed my brother, who was 41 when he died, extremely intelligent, had a good job, a place to live and a great income. Sort of like your best friend. Help is out there; encourage him to get it.
Posted by Gay Movie Fan on October 3, 2012 at 10:43 AM · Report this
3
Rape can be funny. And so can drug addiction...
Posted by wafflemaker on October 3, 2012 at 10:53 AM · Report this
JF 4
Who is Dane Cook?
Posted by JF on October 3, 2012 at 11:09 AM · Report this
5
his intelligence?? jesus, i'd stack my dog up against him in a debate if his is so high that he does meth..
Posted by the big easy on October 3, 2012 at 11:24 AM · Report this
6
What is this, hipster enabling?

Dude, meth will eat up your friend. His highly functioning abilities will be eroded faster than his teeth.

Stop worrying about drug jokes and worry about that clown.
Posted by Cletus on October 3, 2012 at 11:29 AM · Report this
7
Threats of violence if society doesn't make it easier for drug addicts to feel more comfortable?? Go to hell anonymous.
Posted by woofy on October 3, 2012 at 11:31 AM · Report this
Theodore Gorath 8
I love this: thinks jokes about drug addiction are not funny because her friend is hooked on meth, but closes her statement with a joke about murder and capital punishment.

Self-serving idiot with no integrity.
Posted by Theodore Gorath on October 3, 2012 at 11:44 AM · Report this
thatsnotright 9
Hey Anon. sounds like you're the one on meth. It sounds a bit paranoid to think everyone is always making jokes about drug addicts. And a bit grandiose to think a letter to a weekly will change a well-established cultural revulsion to addiction to one of the most dangerous of street drugs. It is delusional to think that someone (you?) can remain high-functioning and keep a job in the face of inevitable psychological problems. You're having violent fantasies. Look in the mirror, but resist the urge to pick at that pimple. That's called dermatomania by the way.
Posted by thatsnotright on October 3, 2012 at 12:13 PM · Report this
10
just a matter of time....
Posted by Beaster on October 3, 2012 at 1:03 PM · Report this
11
Unlike rape, drug addiction is instigated by personal choice. I won't bother with the rest of your absurd whine.
Posted by Amanda Huggenkiss on October 3, 2012 at 1:18 PM · Report this
12
If your friend has the same violent tendencies as you, try to encourage him to switch to something other than meth. Angry, paranoid, delusional meth heads are a danger to themselves and others.
Posted by just a thought on October 3, 2012 at 2:33 PM · Report this
TheMisanthrope 13
When somebody says "are you cracked out?" I'll be sure to reprimand them with "I dunno, you look a little raped yourself."

Meth addiction = self choice. Nobody forced them to do meth. And, if your "friend" is addicted to meth, GET "THEM" SOME FUCKING HELP. Get "them" to rehab. And, stop enabling "their" shit by reprimanding people for making addict jokes.
Posted by TheMisanthrope on October 3, 2012 at 2:41 PM · Report this
SeaNative07 14
Maybe Anon meant to say his friend was 'functioning highly'. ha ha
Posted by SeaNative07 on October 3, 2012 at 2:49 PM · Report this
15
Now, by "best friend" you mean yourself right?

Tell the truth Meth-Head, this story is about you, and you are tired of hearing comments about cracked out drug addicts because you have deluded yourself into thinking that you are going to be a functioning junkie that suffers no consequences from your pathetic choice of a lifestyle.

Ha Ha Ha!!! You are going to lose your job and then your house/apt, then all of your teeth, and if you are still a Cracked out Junkie after all that, it will take your life too.

Say hi to your "best friend" for me.
Posted by My best friend has this problem... on October 3, 2012 at 3:43 PM · Report this
16
15 got it for sure!
Posted by sometimes my friend worries he's gay on October 3, 2012 at 4:57 PM · Report this
mtnlion 17
I'll give it to you that your friends' jokes aren't funny, but not because they're about a sensitive subject, but because they suck and aren't clever.

Anon, please stop taking this so personally and so seriously. It doesn't sound like they were actually making fun of your friend specifically, so you sound a little self-centered. Hard drugs affect almost everyone in some way (I doubt most adults don't know at least one person who went down the wrong path with that shit), and lashing out about those who make dumb jokes won't make them stop nor will it help your friend.

Then again, I'm cool with rape jokes. Sometimes they can be really funny.
Posted by mtnlion on October 3, 2012 at 6:24 PM · Report this
mtnlion 18
Also: are we supposed to be impressed with your friend's life? Are you just challenging the common notion of a "drug addict" (your first description actually does describe most alcoholics and junkies, unless they're rich and/or on their way down to there)?

His addiction is still a super malfunction that will eventually become the end of him. Meth's not one that'll let him go easily.
Posted by mtnlion on October 3, 2012 at 6:28 PM · Report this
19
He may be your best friend in the whole world but you're not his. The sooner you realize who his is and you get the fuck away the better off you'll be.
Posted by Hybrid Vigor on October 3, 2012 at 6:53 PM · Report this
doloresdaphne 20
so apparently an unintelligent person with no where to live who has to prostitute themselves to survive, but not addictions is more contemptible than a highly intelligent person with a nice job and place to live, who doesn't have to prostitute themselves to support their crack addiction.

Thanks for establishing the hierarchy of human worth I Anon.
Posted by doloresdaphne on October 3, 2012 at 7:31 PM · Report this
21
This is just fucking lame. Obviously IA has a huge COCAINE and MALT LIQUOR problem that their crackheaded ass needs to deal with - do more, care less!
Posted by jenc01 on October 3, 2012 at 8:25 PM · Report this
22
When you have reassembled your cell phone, call Narcotics Anonymous.
Posted by drinkup on October 4, 2012 at 9:33 AM · Report this
23
"He doesn't rob liquor stores for drug money and he's not prostituting himself for his next high".

Not yet. Not yet. Soon.
Posted by ohthetrees on October 4, 2012 at 9:36 AM · Report this
24
So instead of actually doing something to help your "friend" you post a lame ass whine fest in a fishwrap? Nice.
Posted by Arturo Bandini on October 4, 2012 at 10:20 AM · Report this
ALWAYS Clear Your Cache!!! 25
After #15, the thread is done. Mod, shut down comments.
Posted by ALWAYS Clear Your Cache!!! on October 4, 2012 at 10:24 AM · Report this
brandywineseattle 26
Wow, really? I have to believe that this is a joke. In fact, it reminds me of an awesome Titus quote, "They're like a psycho Tylenol gelcap...tick...tock..tick...tock...crazy's COMIN!'
If they haven't sold everything they own, lost twenty pounds and tried to snort things off of the carpet, you just wait. It's almost time for the fun part!
Posted by brandywineseattle on October 4, 2012 at 11:13 AM · Report this
27
I hear 9 out of 10 people think gang rape is fun.
Posted by daddyDre on October 4, 2012 at 11:24 AM · Report this
28
Your friend makes the choice to abuse hard drugs. We make the choice to make fun of him for his stupid choices. It's called freedom.
Posted by suddenlyorcas on October 4, 2012 at 11:29 AM · Report this
29
1. If your "friend" keeps doing meth he won't be high functioning or employed for very long. 2. Everybody knows, or can look up, what meth does before they take it. So why exactly are we supposed to feel sorry for meth heads? It's a self-created problem!
Posted by Diagoras on October 4, 2012 at 11:35 AM · Report this
30
what are you talking about? Is your friend an addict or not? Being an addict is skanky and gross and fucking bad - even if you're friend has a super high intelligence - he/she/it is still unhappy and fucked up. Get over your diatribe and help that person, if they want it... god, I hate everyone!
Posted by ICK on October 4, 2012 at 1:23 PM · Report this
Sea Otter 31
Am I the only person who's going to agree with Anon? Fine, then.

Drug addiction is horrible and not funny. Jokes about crackheads/methheads usually aren't funny either. I suppose there are exceptions, but mostly I don't get off on that kind of humour.

On the other hand, I have to agree with commenters who have pointed out this "functional" addict might not be functional for very long. If (when) your friend's addiction gets the better of him, Anon, will it suddenly be more okay to make fun of him? What if he does end up robbing liquor stores or something? Because, you know, that's what drug addiction does. It turns decent people into shitty people. I've seen it happen.
Posted by Sea Otter on October 4, 2012 at 4:36 PM · Report this
32
I agree 31. Those jokes weren't funny but like you said the friend is doing well now but that simply won't last.
Posted by msanonymous on October 4, 2012 at 5:14 PM · Report this
matt clark 33
This is the dumbest thing I may have ever read.
Posted by matt clark http://facebook.com/othermattclark on October 4, 2012 at 5:33 PM · Report this
34
Rape is never, ever funny. If you think I am wrong, be the victim and see how much you laugh.
Posted by ChrisHoogendijk on October 4, 2012 at 6:09 PM · Report this
35
Rape is never, ever funny. If you think I'm wrong, then be a victim and see how much you laugh.
Posted by ChrisHoogendijk on October 4, 2012 at 6:18 PM · Report this
36
So when "your friend" chose to do meth, his worth as a human being remains intact, but when his addiction leads (without much choice) to theft/prostitution, then he is worthless? @20 said it well.
Posted by wxPDX on October 4, 2012 at 6:21 PM · Report this
OutInBumF 37
He may be 'high functioning'- I know folks like that. BUT- he won't have any empathy or feelings whatsoever before long. I've yet to meet a meth-head, or a recovering one, who could relate to another human being on an emotional level. The drug seems to rot the heart and soul out of them. I'm told that ability comes back after zero use for several years, but I've not seen it.
Posted by OutInBumF on October 4, 2012 at 9:36 PM · Report this
Seattlebcc 38
I've known many people who do many drugs and many people who do no drugs. Frankly, no one wakes up one day wanting to be a drug addict. Sometimes it's a devastating experience or peer pressure that starts that path. But the next time anyone feels the urge to criticize someone in those circumstances, then I challenge you to not use your iPhone or iPad, or computer or TV for oh, say, just a 5 day week and see what kind of addictive personality you have!
Posted by Seattlebcc on October 5, 2012 at 6:22 AM · Report this
debug 39
The only thing I'd bend toward ANON on is that the way society views drug addicts should be more like alcoholics: that it's a medical problem not a criminal problem.

Death, cancer, rape, addiction, etc. are horrible and frightening. Humor is one way we humans have developed to cope with scary realities.

Your hyper-sensitivity to the Facebook joking is coming from your fear that your friend is healthy and fine, no matter his/her current status.

It's ok for you to feel upset but you also have to realize by attempting to police humor you are only lashing out at the world instead of accepting the truth that your friend will most likely end up looking and acting like a late-stage meth user looks and acts.
Posted by debug on October 5, 2012 at 11:26 AM · Report this
40
I was raped. I still think rape jokes can be pretty funny. Fortunately, my rapist didn't leave his stick up my ass.
Posted by Pinkerton on October 5, 2012 at 12:05 PM · Report this
41
@21 said:
Obviously IA has a huge COCAINE and MALT LIQUOR problem...
Dude! What the fuck is that shit about? This is a SERIOUS subject! You're an asshat for being so fucking "flippant" about it.

"COCAINE and MALT LIQUOR" indeed. What the fuck is wrong with you?
Posted by Arthur Zifferelli on October 5, 2012 at 4:03 PM · Report this
Sea Otter 42
@41 Geez, Arthur, get off your high horse. PILES OF COCAINE and MALT LIQUOR is always funny.
Posted by Sea Otter on October 7, 2012 at 2:43 PM · Report this
43
I'm deeply troubled by your comments, Sea Otter. Clearly you need help. As Ann Landers says, "seek counselling".
Posted by Arthur Zifferelli on October 7, 2012 at 5:23 PM · Report this
44
What an insane column! Are you cracked up! Are you on meth, dude? Because that's absolutely the stupidest shit I've read all week.
Posted by Bobitro on October 8, 2012 at 6:54 AM · Report this
45
Whitney Huston would like you to know the "Crack is Whack" and by "whack" she means she really digs it. A lot.

Oh, sorry, she's dead...
Posted by Arthur Zifferelli on October 8, 2012 at 6:41 PM · Report this
46
@41 quoted

@21 said:

Obviously IA has a huge COCAINE and MALT LIQUOR problem...

and then @41 said:

Dude! What the fuck is that shit about? This is a SERIOUS subject! You're an asshat for being so fucking "flippant" about it.

"COCAINE and MALT LIQUOR" indeed. What the fuck is wrong with you?

I know what's wrong with @21! Too much COCAINE and MALT LIQUOR!
Posted by Diagoras on October 9, 2012 at 9:57 AM · Report this
47
The TLDR; version:

"STOP USING THIS COMMON TURN OF PHRASE THAT I TAKE COMPLETELY LITERALLY BECAUSE I AM AN EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE DRAMA QUEEN!!! AND ALSO I MAY MURDER YOU!!!!"
Posted by tkc on October 9, 2012 at 11:42 AM · Report this
48
If he's high-functioning, what's the problem?

Are you just trying to remove the social stigma from being a meth head?
Posted by maybe you should be worrying about his health on October 11, 2012 at 10:38 AM · Report this
49
yawn. and fuck off.
Posted by ribs on October 31, 2012 at 10:54 AM · Report this
50
MMMMMMMM....delicious, nutritious meth.
Posted by Nisnimnin on November 17, 2012 at 12:50 AM · Report this

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