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I, Anonymous

Charming Cheapskate

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STEVEN WEISSMAN

You are so stupid.

You are a hospitality professional, working in bars and restaurants almost full-time. And you don't suck—you have great banter, you make great cocktails, you're fun at parties. You also walk out on bar tabs.

This causes problems, you know, because those drinks you didn't pay for aren't free. Your industry colleagues bought them with their tip money so their tills aren't short, and they lose their jobs because you, an industry professional who should fucking know better, make a habit of walking out on bar tabs.

And it happens a lot. How many times have you used the "I'm going out for a smoke" or the "I thought those guys next to me were buying" excuses in the last two years? Five times, 10 times, more? It's only a matter of time until no one cares what the fuck you have to say, no one wants to drink your cocktails, and no one wants to party with you.

The only part of this story that is slightly hilarious is that there are former and current hospitality workers who are reading this right now and thinking, "I totally know exactly who this is."

Don't shit where you eat. You are so stupid.

—Anonymous

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Comments (26) RSS

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thatsnotright 1
Why are you letting this asshole run a tab? Get a card, or it's pay as you go. Grow a pair, Anon.
Posted by thatsnotright on October 24, 2012 at 10:39 AM · Report this
2
Agreed with thatsnotright--here in New York, I'm not sure this scam is even possible.
Posted by Belle Starr on October 24, 2012 at 11:08 AM · Report this
Theodore Gorath 3
In before some insensitive and immature man makes a cheap joke about MALT LIQUOR and COCAINE.
Posted by Theodore Gorath on October 24, 2012 at 11:12 AM · Report this
4
Must be a hot woman. A guy could never get away with this shit.
Posted by Cletus on October 24, 2012 at 11:19 AM · Report this
5
What Cletus said.
Posted by woofy on October 24, 2012 at 12:57 PM · Report this
Dougsf 6
I've never met a bartender this afraid of confrontation.
Posted by Dougsf on October 24, 2012 at 2:19 PM · Report this
MacCrocodile 7
@6 - You must not be from around here. This is Seattle. We're the best at avoiding confrontation.

Sorry. Didn't mean to fly off the handle like that.
Posted by MacCrocodile http://maccrocodile.com/ on October 24, 2012 at 3:05 PM · Report this
8
Sometimes I get why "I Anonymous" is anonymous. Why someone would not be willing or able to air their grievance to the offending party. But this... this baffles me. Why on earth would anyone let this go on? Seems so simple to stop, as pointed out above.
Posted by Christy O on October 24, 2012 at 3:51 PM · Report this
9
What I love MOST... is when people who work in restaurants call it 'the industry'. As if it were a career. As if anyone gave a fuck.

Or maybe it is a career. Where the benefits are a fucked back, a fucked sleep cycle, an extra twenty pounds and bags under your eyes. "But ohh," the slaves who prostrate themselves on the altar of self-righteous suffering say, "the people you'll meet."

Riiiggghht.

The fact that you are covering this person's tabs means that you are either a moron - if you don't know it's illegal to dock employee pay to cover theft - or a coward - if you know but bend over and take it regardless.

And in case you're wondering, I've worked in 'the industry' and I'm not a shitty tipper. Some of my friends constantly tip 20+ percent. I'm not that guy, but I'm not the one tipping 10%, either.
Posted by Anonymous Commenter on October 24, 2012 at 5:39 PM · Report this
mtnlion 10
@7 LOL.

All that's needed is for a few bartenders to say "are you gonna pay this time?" semi-playfully, but with direct eye contact. That let's him/her know that this shit isn't cool without turning it into a Big Thing.
Posted by mtnlion on October 24, 2012 at 6:11 PM · Report this
11
@9 It is some people's careers. Some people actually enjoy working in the industry. Don't treat it like it's a lesser way to live, it's just different than the way you live yours. I hope you're a better tipper than you are human being.
Posted by JustWantedToSay on October 24, 2012 at 6:43 PM · Report this
Mischa Vainburg 12
@9: What an ignorant comment.
Posted by Mischa Vainburg http://squidbasedink.wordpress.com on October 24, 2012 at 7:33 PM · Report this
13
@9 seems to hate himself.
Posted by ng53 on October 24, 2012 at 8:28 PM · Report this
14
Don't you have to put down your card when you order drinks? If the person doesn't pay, they'll eventually have to go back for their credit card, then pay the tab.
Posted by presently out on October 24, 2012 at 11:14 PM · Report this
15
Yeah this makes no sense. The only places that will let you run a tab without a card are the ones that know you personally, then they will make you pay the next time you show up, or at least stop letting you run tabs sans card.

And @14 that is true - except they will run your card at the end of the night if you leave it there, so you pay whether or not you ever return for your card.
Posted by jack chandelier on October 25, 2012 at 1:09 AM · Report this
16
Fuck the card business. Put a picture of his face on the wall and write "do not serve" underneath it.
Posted by easterbunny on October 25, 2012 at 2:10 AM · Report this
17
Yeah, what kind of "industry professionals" cover this dude's tab with their tip money, don't go after him for the money later, and then let him run up 5-10 more tabs and walk out on those too?

Maybe you and your colleagues are in the wrong industry. When I was working in bars the dude might do that once, maybe twice, and then he wouldn't be getting in the door anywhere in town again. Crazy.
Posted by the_spiral on October 25, 2012 at 4:24 AM · Report this
18
I think what may be happening is this dude goes out with other people working in the industry, those who don't run out on their tabs, thus the card is often not asked upfront. Everyone order drinks together, etc; end of the night, people getting out their cash, but this dude is already gone.
Posted by friedchicken on October 25, 2012 at 6:52 AM · Report this
19
Sometimes it's more fun to bitch about something than to just deal with it.
Posted by turtlemilk on October 25, 2012 at 7:25 AM · Report this
growler 20
ugh... it's so much easier to read this column in the paper issue.
Posted by growler on October 25, 2012 at 11:40 AM · Report this
Sea Otter 21
I have the impression that Anon is cheapskate's coworker or friend, not one of the servers or bartenders getting stiffed by cheapskate.
Posted by Sea Otter on October 26, 2012 at 2:19 AM · Report this
Agent Michael Scarn 22
@9, just wanted to take the time to second (or third, or fourth) the motion that you're an asshole.

And if you've worked in "the industry" and can't find a reason to give up 20% (aside from abysmal or offensively bad service) then I've got news... you are, in fact, a shitty tipper.
Posted by Agent Michael Scarn http://twitter.com/Jukebox_Hobo on October 26, 2012 at 4:40 PM · Report this
Texas10R 23
@9
S-o-o-o-o, 15%, maybe? The suspense is killing us.
Posted by Texas10R on October 26, 2012 at 5:12 PM · Report this
24
@7 You haven't ever been to Portland, have you? Portland is even more confrontation than Seattle.
Posted by sunday_morning on October 26, 2012 at 8:30 PM · Report this
25
The industry will handle the industry's issues as the industry sees fit. And often it will be done in an industrious manner. Any questions?
Posted by MacGruber on October 26, 2012 at 8:32 PM · Report this
26
I think this meant to say 'they lose their jobs because they, industry professionals who should fucking know better, make a habit of letting someone they don't personally know and trust run up a tab with no collateral'
Posted by /rolls eyes on October 28, 2012 at 11:26 PM · Report this

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