Columns

I, Anonymous

Busybody Stopper

I did California stops all the way across the top of Queen Anne, and you, the busybodied hybrid driver, damn near wrecked in an attempt to impose your first-world, white, pseudo-prudent driving ethics on me. I could tell what you were up to when your headlights became glued to my bumper and you tastelessly tailgated me all the way across the Aurora Bridge. I imagined your diatribe: "You know what! You need to learn how to drive! I'm gonna call the police on you! There were STOP signs back there!" But you couldn't catch me. Be assured, I drive efficiently, and when it comes to simple grown-up judgments, I run libertarian. You can wait for the neon-orange crossing guard, but I'm a big boy. Plus, think how much better for the environment it is if we don't stop pointlessly all the fucking time. What is it with people in this town? In cities like New York, there's a flow, and people don't have time for whiny shit like yours. Here, if you walk in the wrong lane around Green Lake, there's the peanut gallery busting a hemorrhoid to put you in your place. To these people, I say, there are REAL problems in the world, get a life. Anyway, as you followed, I faked your bitch ass out to dust you off my tail, just like in the movies! I signaled right to get off on 39th, you followed suit, and when I shot back onto 99, you nearly rammed into the guardrail! Now how would you have explained that one to the cops? In the passive-aggressive tradition of this city, I say, anonymously, FUCK YOU!

—Anonymous

Submit your unsigned confession or accusation here. Please remember to change the names of the innocent and guilty. One submission will be published in the paper and online every week.
 

Comments (78) RSS

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1
I can just imagine this I, anon explaining himself to the cops when he gets sideswiped after running yet another stop sign. "Well you see, officer, I'm from New York, and there's a certain flow to that city. Plus I'm a big boy, we don't have time for stop signs!" You're not a good or "efficient" driver, you're a reckless driver who used even more reckless driving to avoid somebody who was pissed off by your reckless driving. Enjoy that license while you still have it.
Posted by Brandon J. on November 14, 2012 at 8:56 AM · Report this
mtnlion 2
Please stop at stop signs. Your arrogance in assuming you can see everything and make your big-boy-libertarian-decisions will look fucking foolish if you ever happen to hit someone. There's a lotta bikes around here. I run red stoplights at 3 AM after 30 seconds or so, but your attitude is just... plain stupid.

Also anon, this is not New York; you are right. Seattle comes nowhere close to the size, population, or density compared to the way New York moves. If you don't like that we are a bit more cautious and civil, you can always move on back.
Posted by mtnlion http://radicalish.wordpress.com on November 14, 2012 at 9:18 AM · Report this
mtnlion 3
Also, "what is it with the people in this town?" We're fucking Seattle residents, that's how it is sometimes, either deal with it or get out of the beautiful Pacific Northwest. I hate when people come to my homeland, talk shit about it and criticize the people here all pompous-like.

I'd probably do the same thing if I moved to Texas but THAT'S WHY I'D NEVER MOVE THERE.
Posted by mtnlion http://radicalish.wordpress.com on November 14, 2012 at 9:22 AM · Report this
4
Once when I was visiting your fine city a few years back I was crossing at a cross walk in Wallingford, I did not realize but a car bumper was hanging in the cross walk an inch or two. To my surprise the Latino Gangster looking gentle man in the car leaned out, got my attention and apologized in a sincere manor. I get the absurdity of it and can imagine it gets old living their, but man what a nice difference then any other city in America I have been too.
Posted by tecatefil on November 14, 2012 at 9:40 AM · Report this
gr8lakesgrrl 5
Oh, Anon, you know they picked your letter for troll bait don't you? I mean seriously, you're pissed because people don't like your lousy driving? As my poly sci professor once said, your right to swing your fist ends at the other guys face.

You stay civil, Seattle! I was delighted to come back for a visit this summer and introduce my children to your fair city, it was great!
Posted by gr8lakesgrrl on November 14, 2012 at 10:27 AM · Report this
6
So THAT'S why people are such bitches at Greenlake. Haha! Police me, fuckers, I dare you.
Posted by Totalpukoid on November 14, 2012 at 11:16 AM · Report this
7
"I hate that I have to walk on the walking side of Green Lake so bikers don't have to slow down to a crawl because of my fat ass!"
Posted by Bloated Jesus is Bloated on November 14, 2012 at 11:56 AM · Report this
8
"Tastelessly tailgated?" WTF does that mean?
Pseudo-libertarian pompous windbag.
Posted by ggg on November 14, 2012 at 12:59 PM · Report this
9
It really is so easy to bait a troll. LOL.
Posted by Totalpukoid on November 14, 2012 at 2:12 PM · Report this
psbirch 10
I expected an Ayn Rynd reference at the end of this diatribe. Alas.
Posted by psbirch on November 14, 2012 at 3:09 PM · Report this
11
What an arrogant sociopathic dick. And I almost forgot paranoid delusional. That was quite a fantasy he rolled out.
Posted by neverbeenthere on November 14, 2012 at 3:11 PM · Report this
Zebes 12
That's not what passive-aggressive really means, but okay.

Also, most people think they're a good driver.
Posted by Zebes http://www.badrap.org/rescue/index.html on November 14, 2012 at 3:13 PM · Report this
13
This is the same explanation many bike riders give for not following the rules of the road.
Posted by TJ on November 14, 2012 at 3:22 PM · Report this
Sir Vic 14
Oh, yes. Let's play the "Pick which laws to obey or disobey" game!
You don't like traffic control devices, and I don't like the laws against felony assault. This might not go as smoothly as you expected.
Posted by Sir Vic on November 14, 2012 at 3:22 PM · Report this
15
Keep stopping at stop lights Seattlites. However, when I am trying to cross the street at an illegal location DO NOT stop for me, holding up traffic. I'm trying to jaywalk for chrissakes.
Posted by matt! on November 14, 2012 at 3:23 PM · Report this
16
#5 - your science professor was poly, huh? That's interesting. What subject did s/he teach?
Posted by catsnbanjos on November 14, 2012 at 3:25 PM · Report this
Sargon Bighorn 17
So this anonymous person was running STOP signs? Castrate the fucker and nail his balls to his forehead. Oops sorry, I mean sit him down and tell him that sort of behavior is not acceptable here in Seattle. I'm sure it won't happen again.
Posted by Sargon Bighorn on November 14, 2012 at 3:27 PM · Report this
Pope Peabrain 18
Of course! The answer to global warming has been staring us in the face! Eliminate stop signs!
Posted by Pope Peabrain on November 14, 2012 at 3:29 PM · Report this
19
I am absolutely convinced that you can tell all you need to know about a person's character by observing them drive. Newsflash asshole, one of the real problems in this world is that there are billions of other assholes just like you out there who think they are special enough that they need not treat other people with common courtesy.
Posted by Wretched Fuck on November 14, 2012 at 3:31 PM · Report this
20
This is the same explanation given by some bike riders for not following the rules of the road.
Posted by TJ on November 14, 2012 at 3:32 PM · Report this
keshmeshi 21
There are so many blind intersections in this town (especially on Queen Anne), this douchebag is guaranteed to run over some little kid one of these days.
Posted by keshmeshi on November 14, 2012 at 3:33 PM · Report this
johnjacobjingleheimerschmidt 22
I've been to new york, it's not that great and afterall why are you here anon...not in NY?
Posted by johnjacobjingleheimerschmidt on November 14, 2012 at 3:41 PM · Report this
emor 23
What I don't get is how this guy wasn't riding a bike. I was under the impression that only cyclists break traffic laws.
Posted by emor on November 14, 2012 at 3:50 PM · Report this
24
Unless this guy has a very different working definition of "California Stop" than I do, I'm quite skeptical that anyone could drive across the top of QA in the daytime and not encounter multiple other people at intersections thus necessitating full stops at most intersections.
Posted by tiktok on November 14, 2012 at 4:05 PM · Report this
25
@22 in NY, he couldn't afford a car.
Posted by Westside forever on November 14, 2012 at 4:06 PM · Report this
26
you guys are fucking morans. fucking morans. and i repeat morans. the stupidest level of people get upset over any reasonable argument and then carry it outward to the nth degree in the name of socially-conscious justice. I hate what greenlake has become, I did grow up in this city, and I think it most people in greenlake are so socially inept that they are blinded by their own goddamn insecurities. If I see one more runner with a reflective vest and a headlamp an hour before dusk ima puke
Posted by buhhhnnnnnnnnnnnnhhhhhhh on November 14, 2012 at 4:15 PM · Report this
27
Has anyone heard from gay dude for rmoney??
Did he tailgate off into the sunset as predicted??
Posted by Headlikeahole on November 14, 2012 at 4:19 PM · Report this
Queen of Sleaze 28
Considering the only times I've almost been hit by a car (3) were in crosswalks by people doing rolling "stops" I would agree with most of the other posters. You are a dick.
Posted by Queen of Sleaze on November 14, 2012 at 4:30 PM · Report this
DeaconBlues 29
guy drives like an asshole

turns out he's an asshole

what a shocking development

move along folks, nothing to see here
Posted by DeaconBlues http://radzillas.blogspot.com/ on November 14, 2012 at 4:30 PM · Report this
30
If this was New York, I would ride the subway and not have to deal with asshats that drive cars without looking for pedestrians in the street. Unfortunately, Seattle public transportation is horseshit so I get hit by cars when I have the right of way fairly frequently.
Posted by erly on November 14, 2012 at 4:40 PM · Report this
31
How dare you uptight dogooders interfere with my right to listen to 50 Cent, smoke meth, and drive 110 miles an hour through kindergarten playgrounds all the while my car is gloriously set a-blaze with Ayn Rands holy fire of retribution! The gore and ichor of your precious crushed pets and idiot children will lubricate the gears of my freedom!
Posted by tkc on November 14, 2012 at 5:05 PM · Report this
32
Nothing better exemplifies the pussification Seattle male than this thread. It's a fucking California rolling stop. You can stop squealing like school girls and learn to do it yourselves.

Btw why do men in Pruis look so pussy whipped?
Posted by Do ur womyn keep your cocks in jars at home? on November 14, 2012 at 5:16 PM · Report this
SPG 33
FYI, the red light cameras consider rolling through a red to make a right turn a ticketable offense equal to going straight through the red light.
Full stop people. It'll save you money in the long run and you won't be an asshole.
Posted by SPG on November 14, 2012 at 5:54 PM · Report this
34
@33 really? I've California rolled for 30 yrs. Never had a ticket plus don't have that self-righteous prickishness of ball-less Seattle males.
Posted by Do my balls make me look butch? on November 14, 2012 at 6:42 PM · Report this
35
@2 & @3 mtnlion: for the win!

Speaking of which, @5 gr8lakesgrrl: I voted for your kickass Haiku entry for DOTW!
Enjoy the Halloween candy and lightbulbs!
Posted by auntie grizelda on November 14, 2012 at 7:31 PM · Report this
36
"Plus, think how much better for the environment it is if we don't stop pointlessly all the fucking time." If you are so concerned about the environment, why don't you ride around town on a bicycle for a couple of weeks and then tell us your opinion about arrogant drivers that run stop signs.
Posted by mayday on November 14, 2012 at 7:35 PM · Report this
37
about arrogant drivers that run stop signs."

What, are you stupid? He said California Roll…..you slow down and look, you just don't come to complete stop if no one is coming. Maybe you're too stupid to do them safely, but some of us can handle it. Sorry you wet your pull-ups
Posted by Call the waaaambulance ladies on November 14, 2012 at 7:43 PM · Report this
Posted by MJ on November 14, 2012 at 7:48 PM · Report this
39
Isn't it called a California roll, like after the sushi, ya know? A rolling stop?
Posted by Bellinghamster on November 14, 2012 at 8:56 PM · Report this
40
@39, it's definitely "California roll."
Posted by JenV on November 14, 2012 at 9:34 PM · Report this
41
Ok so he's a bad driver. That is the standard operating procedure around here. What a surprise.

But taking it upon yourself to chase down a bad driver, and who knows what? Whats the plan? Yell at them? Shoot at them? OOPS! Got your face beat in by someone you should not be messing with?

Driver #2 way more dangerous than #1. Making big problems out of small ones.
Thoughtlessly and too full of self-righteous indignation to think it through. Good job you dope.

I have to agree with Mr. Anonymous. FU.

Think about that next time you chase down a stranger to impose your world view. It might save you some teeth.
Posted by duncan98117 on November 14, 2012 at 9:37 PM · Report this
mtnlion 42
@39 & 40, Dude no. It's a "California stop." California rolls were popularized wellllll after California stops were a thing.

Like, people in California are just so laid back all they do is kind of briefly stop and roll through a stop sign. It's the kind of stop they do down there. California roll is strictly sushi.
Posted by mtnlion http://radicalish.wordpress.com on November 14, 2012 at 10:18 PM · Report this
43
Yeah, well, tell this to student in second month of recovery from multiple broken bones after being hit on her bike by a car running a stop sign. Cool driving and all but it has consequences and can destroy lives.
Posted by rainandkale on November 14, 2012 at 10:33 PM · Report this
watchout5 44
This is actually aggressive and I hope a cop pulls you over tests your blood for drugs and you go to jail. I feel sorry for OP's friends.
Posted by watchout5 http://www.overclockeddrama.com on November 14, 2012 at 10:48 PM · Report this
45
"Keep stopping at stop lights Seattlites. However, when I am trying to cross the street at an illegal location DO NOT stop for me, holding up traffic. I'm trying to jaywalk for chrissakes"

That was exactly how I felt the first 2 weeks I lived in Seattle, until I went to take the test for a WA drivers license and I found out about some unusual laws... Do you know that in WA, everybody is required by law to STOP when a pedestrian starts crossing the street, whether they are crossing legally or jay walking (or at least everyone within several lanes of traffic has to stop)?

Which is also one reason you are in more danger of getting a ticket for jaywalking in Seattle than anywhere else in America. Those drivers want to be sure if there is a cop around, that you are the one who gets the ticket, and not them. And I believe that *does* fit the definition of passive-aggressive Seattle behavior. Welcome! and be sure to get that driver's license within 30 days of moving here.
Posted by jussmbdy on November 14, 2012 at 10:56 PM · Report this
ObeyTheFist 46
Anon finds triumph in "winning" road rage contest, writes the Stranger. In other news, anon usually loses road rage contests.
Posted by ObeyTheFist on November 14, 2012 at 11:30 PM · Report this
47
this is why i love living in the RV, no mindless devotion to the "rules" down here. everytime i find myself up north, it feels like everybody has all this buried rage, just waiting to unload it on somebody breaking their fragile sense of tranquility. serenity now!
Posted by thejerkstore on November 14, 2012 at 11:58 PM · Report this
rowan redwing 48
Late at night in Maryland, (just north of DC no less,) many traffic lights switch to red and yellow flashing lights. One night I was driving, I had a yellow flashing light. I crossed the intersection and was T-boned, by a driver who didn't stop for his red flashing light. My car rolled over across three lanes, and ended up on the sidewalk. Afterwards I overheard the person talking to a police officer. He swore that he had stopped, and didn't see me coming. Mass x Acceleration = Force, proves that to be a lie. I would probably be dead now, if I hadn't been wearing my seat-belt. Those stop signs are there for a reason.
Posted by rowan redwing on November 15, 2012 at 12:02 AM · Report this
keshmeshi 49
@45,

That's the law anywhere in the country. If a pedestrian is in the street, drivers have to stop whether the pedestrian is there legally or not. It would hardly make sense to have a free for all on our streets.

I agree that Washington state has some dumb driving laws though. For example, it's legal for pedestrians to cross mid block as long as they're not "impeding the flow of traffic." What the hell does that even mean? And it's legal for bicyclists to ride two abreast. Having grown up in California, I was flabbergasted by that rule.
Posted by keshmeshi on November 15, 2012 at 1:01 AM · Report this
50
I don't know what kind of haven for traffic scofflaws you think NYC is, but it may not be.

http://transportationnation.org/2012/02/…
Posted by Brooklyn Reader on November 15, 2012 at 1:22 AM · Report this
51
Driving slow ≠ being friendly.

Posted by tabski on November 15, 2012 at 7:23 AM · Report this
52
I'm not above calling in a suspected drunk driver to 911 when I see assholes like this behind the wheel.
Posted by I Got Nuthin' on November 15, 2012 at 7:29 AM · Report this
53
". I crossed the intersection and was T-boned, by a driver who didn't stop for his red flashing light. "

Well that's not a California Roll/stop. A California roll to the morons on this thread comparing it to running a light at speed is when u slow down for stop sign but don't come to a complete stop when you see the intersection is clear. Aka a rolling stop.

Now, go change your pull-ups and wait for the traffic guard.
Posted by Seattle males = pussies with car keys on November 15, 2012 at 8:14 AM · Report this
Godzilla1916 54
Wow, what a bunch of judgmental assholes you Seattleites have become! Good for you I Anon. for ditching that self elected citizen cop off your ass; the rest of you basterds lay of NY or I'll open a can o' whoop ass on your yuppie asses.
Posted by Godzilla1916 on November 15, 2012 at 9:17 AM · Report this
55
You can be efficient and a reckless douchebag at the same time, you know.
Posted by suddenlyorcas on November 15, 2012 at 10:23 AM · Report this
chimsquared 56
both these people are assholes and and seattle is full of fearful drivers who would be slightly less worse if they weren't on their cell phones ... but they are.
Posted by chimsquared on November 15, 2012 at 10:28 AM · Report this
57
@45: In all my years of living in Seattle, I've only ever seen one person get ticketed for jaywalking. It was because they did it in front of a cop, who would have let them go if they hadn't turned right around and told him to go fuck himself.
Posted by suddenlyorcas on November 15, 2012 at 10:28 AM · Report this
58
In New York, most cars stop at stop signs. There are assholes who don't, just like everywhere, but it's not a "thing."

Plus, we would never do anything called a "California stop." We hate California.
Posted by Belle Starr on November 15, 2012 at 10:43 AM · Report this
59
Do none of you people know what a "California stop" is? The anon didn't say "I blew through all the stoplights"

Obviously, none of you drive: what's important is that you know you are clear to proceed through an intersection. It's not actually that important that your wheels fully stop for a full second or whatever.

I make complete stops every time and think that california stops are bad form. But if you're paying attention, a roll is not the end of the world.

50 people overreacting to this is just too funny. You are all exactly the prissy assholes anon was talking about.
Posted by Gate on November 15, 2012 at 11:05 AM · Report this
60
Fuck you, anon. A CA stop is one that rolls right into the croswalk, endangering pedestrians. I fucking hate drivers like you.
Posted by wxPDX on November 15, 2012 at 3:58 PM · Report this
61
Give me your driving route. I'd love to have your insurance company replace this overpriced piece of shit car I drive.
Posted by Cletus on November 15, 2012 at 4:00 PM · Report this
62
@49

It is not legal for pedestrians to cross mid-block if there is a marked crosswalk on that block. You must use the marked crosswalk if one is provided or you can be ticketed by police. If there are no marked crosswalks, you may cross at any point.

You are flabbergasted that Washington allows bicyclists to ride two abreast? What about California's lunacy allowing motorcycles to split lanes?
Posted by David in Shoreline on November 15, 2012 at 6:41 PM · Report this
yucca flower 63
New yorkers own cars and drive?
Posted by yucca flower on November 15, 2012 at 7:00 PM · Report this
64
Having survived 2 (count 'em, 2) near misses with CA stoppers while walking to work this morning, this was an especially maddening "I, Anonymous" today.
Posted by Howard Boyd on November 16, 2012 at 5:54 PM · Report this
65
He doesn't stop for crossing guards with flags? He's a menace that needs to learn to use a bus.
Posted by Forlorn on November 17, 2012 at 6:39 AM · Report this
66
Typical Stranger readers blowing crap way out of proportion. A California stop is not speeding through an intersection, it is slowing down to a speed where you can check for others and stop if you need to or continue if you don't. I agree we have to be careful as we do have a lot of pedestrians and cyclists, I fall into that category. However, we can make judgement calls like we should with everything in life. If you are at a known dead intersection and you slow down to look carefully to no other traffic, cars or otherwise, there is no practical reason your vehicle needs to come to a complete stop.
Posted by Get over yourselves on November 17, 2012 at 12:09 PM · Report this
67
If this was New York, I would leave. Thank you Seattlites for obeying traffic laws and being civil.
Posted by Get Real on November 17, 2012 at 8:31 PM · Report this
68
Doing rolling stops is a great way to hit pedestrians. Fuck you.
Posted by Fuji_Apples on November 18, 2012 at 3:25 PM · Report this
69
Your strategy is a great, if your goal is to accidentally hit pedestrians, bikes, and other cars. Instead of stewing in your sense of injustice, did you ever take a second to consider the logic behind traffic laws and our built environment? I hope you never move to Capitol Hill.
Posted by Fuji_Apples on November 18, 2012 at 3:33 PM · Report this
70
Huh...
So now instead of trolls in the comments section, we are cutting out the middle man and being trolled right in the actual letter.
Efficient.
Posted by DF on November 20, 2012 at 8:35 AM · Report this
ALWAYS Clear Your Cache!!! 71
a pickup ran a red light and almost t-boned me. My 2nd cousin was killed when the same thing happened to her.

I've almost been hit in a x-walk.

Anon~ when you get in a car wreck, I hope you are the only one killed. Fuck off.
Posted by ALWAYS Clear Your Cache!!! on November 20, 2012 at 10:00 AM · Report this
72
I'm amused at how many commenters are conflating a California stop with not-even-slowing-down-running-a-red-light. For the record, I was t-boned by a guy who ran a red light about 15 years ago but I recognize the difference between a California stop and running a red light.

I'm also amused that so few people are commenting on the recklessness of the other driver. Tailgating and swerving lanes at highway speeds could cause a lot of damage, possibly to a lot of cars. Neither driver is completely in the right on this one.

I know that in Seattle there are a lot of corners obscured by bushes. At intersections like that, I'd come to a full stop, or at least a very slow California stop (I suspect that many of the commenters here actually do very slow California stop and don't actually bring the momentum of their vehicle to a full and complete stop). But lets face it, if you can see four stop signs, and see 1/2 block in every direction, a California stop doesn't have to be any more dangerous than a full stop. It's very location-dependant.
Posted by Eric M on November 20, 2012 at 11:02 AM · Report this
73
I don't mind a rolling stop so long as it's safe, but both the Prius tailgater and IA are dicks. Tailgater for obvious reasons and IA for swerving off the 39th St. exit and then back on, nearly causing the tailgater to crash. As a New Yorker who has lived in both Seattle and California, I must say that passive-aggresive driving is as dangerous and obnoxious as straight up aggressive!
Posted by Snarky on November 20, 2012 at 10:36 PM · Report this
74
"That's the law anywhere in the country. If a pedestrian is in the street, drivers have to stop whether the pedestrian is there legally or not. It would hardly make sense to have a free for all on our streets."
Posted by keshmeshi on November 15, 2012 at 1:01 AM · Report

No Keshmeshi, in most places you only have to stop if the pedestrian is in your lane. In Washington, you have to stop if they are within 2 or 3 lanes (I live in Oregon, so I forget the details). And so in most states, nobody would ever think to stop for someone who was not in their lane of traffic. In Seattle, you set foot in a 4 lane street, and everyone stops.
On the other hand if you get hit by a car while jay-walking in Texas, the cops will give you a ticket in your hospital bed (if you survive) just to establish who was legally at fault. And not much is going to happen to the driver (at least legally, of course their insurance premiums, if they have insurance, will go thru the roof). And I know that in California the law says the pedestrian has the right of way, but that law is NEVER enforced, and there are many drivers there who will drive aggessively at a pedestrian that pisses them off, such as swerving towards them or gunning the engine, just to intimidate the pedestrians.
Posted by jussmbdy on November 22, 2012 at 6:24 PM · Report this
75
The term is California roll, just like urban dictionary says "california roll: The true name of the popular term california stop."

It would be awesome if all you rule-obeyers would stop attempting to prevent others from breaking the rules. You aren't a cop. If you want to obey all the rules, great. If I don't, that's on me and I run the risk of a ticket.

Oh and please stop driving in the left lane. It's there for passing slow asses like you!

Posted by YouSuckReally on November 23, 2012 at 5:23 PM · Report this
76
Snarky (@73) "...and IA [is a dick] for swerving off the 39th St. exit
and then back on, nearly causing the tailgater to crash."

Of course Idiot #1 is now responsible for ALL further actions of Idiot#2.
How COULD Idiot#2 control himself, Idiot#3?
Posted by 2embarassed2byTP on November 24, 2012 at 11:56 AM · Report this
77
what a self-important piece of shit.
Posted by dickhead h8r on November 27, 2012 at 9:54 PM · Report this
78
@67: Amen!
Posted by auntie grizelda on November 28, 2012 at 12:15 AM · Report this

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