Columns

I, Anonymous

Barley Deserves Better

The dog barks through the fence at the empty street. It barks at every person who walks past the house as well. But now maybe it's just barking for something to do, or to get attention. The response comes from an open window: "Shut up, Barley!" The dog falls silent for a while, apparently satisfied by this interaction. Yet this is all the dog gets. It's outside 24 hours a day, and the only company it has are yelled phrases like "shut up." Yet its owners are capable of love. They have a small child who they clearly love very much. Perhaps they have only so much love to go around, between their baby, their spouse, the demands of a working life, the exercise routine the slightly overweight mother does with the TV—punching, stretching, her weight belt bouncing frantically. But maybe they are just assholes. Why not put the dog up for adoption? It's clearly just a nuisance—who enjoys constant barking? Yet this would necessitate admitting their own shittiness at the relatively easy task of caring for a dog. It takes a strong person to admit their failings. These people seem weaker than their fucking baby.

—Anonymous

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Comments (38) RSS

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1
If you're not going to interact with your animals, you shouldn't have them. And, in most cases, large breed dogs should not be allowed in the city. It's a matter of big dogs need space and outdoors and places to shit.

Or perhaps there's copious quantities of COCAINE and MALT LIQUOR involved, and the dog just want's his cut?
Posted by Arthur Zifferelli on November 21, 2012 at 9:32 AM · Report this
2
Feed Barley some MALT LIQUOR and COCAINE!
Posted by FIRST! lolololol! on November 21, 2012 at 9:48 AM · Report this
Theodore Gorath 3
#2 is an abysmal failure.
Posted by Theodore Gorath on November 21, 2012 at 9:54 AM · Report this
growler 4
Yet, it takes a very very very special I,anon to use the word 'Yet' way too many times to tell us a very very very boring story of a dog barking to fill this weeks issue.

Hark! Thine head aches with nonsense...... rest thy troubled soul.

ugh.
Posted by growler on November 21, 2012 at 10:52 AM · Report this
5
Instead of writing this anonymous rant, you should call the ASPCA or your local animal shelter. Constant barking means the dog is not happy. Neglect is a form of abuse. I hope he finds a better family...people like this make me sick.
Posted by Snarky on November 21, 2012 at 11:23 AM · Report this
6
@4: I agree; is this really the best thing the I Anonymous editor could come up with this week? You'd think this rag targeted a Peoria audience or something.
Posted by ragged on November 21, 2012 at 11:42 AM · Report this
7
Call the humane society on them. IMHO, that's abuse.

Posted by Patricia Kayden on November 21, 2012 at 11:46 AM · Report this
MacCrocodile 8
Shut up, Anonymous!
Posted by MacCrocodile http://maccrocodile.com/ on November 21, 2012 at 11:54 AM · Report this
9
I am glad I am not the only one who wonders why people make a decade-plus investment in dogs without upholding their responsibilities to exercise and care for the dogs. I suspect some people shell out for vaccinations and kibble just for the sociopathic thrill of contributing to neighborhood noise.

This may be the first time that Arthur Zifferelli has made a comment I agree with 100%. But then I found myself agreeing with some things Mark Driscoll said (quotes in a Seattle PI slideshow 11/21/2012) so it is a weird day for sure.
Posted by the apocalypse, it has arrived on November 21, 2012 at 11:57 AM · Report this
10
Times are tough, they may be just raising it for food. Wait and see if it's still around after Thanksgiving.
Posted by MacGruber on November 21, 2012 at 12:14 PM · Report this
11
@5,7 - The Humane Society or Animal Control basically can't do shit as long as the dog has food, water, and shelter, is not being physically abused, receives veterinary care, and is not a danger to others. The best bet would be reporting the barking to the city repeatedly as a noise disturbance, to the point that it is more of a nuisance for them to continue neglecting the dog than it is to either address the issue or find a new home for it.
Posted by JenV on November 21, 2012 at 12:21 PM · Report this
Rotten666 12
Ha. This could be me. I hate my fucking dog. Except my dog is an indoor dog.
Posted by Rotten666 on November 21, 2012 at 12:37 PM · Report this
pinksoda 13
Charles, is that you?
Posted by pinksoda on November 21, 2012 at 12:46 PM · Report this
14
Is the author of this week's rant trying to channel Charles Mudede's old police blotter reports?
Posted by RedEye on November 21, 2012 at 12:49 PM · Report this
keshmeshi 15
@1,

It depends on the dog. There are some large breeds that are really low energy and don't need that much space to run around. On the flip side are Jack Russell Terriers who go insane if they can't run around 24/7.
Posted by keshmeshi on November 21, 2012 at 12:51 PM · Report this
16
For me, it's all about dog shit. 60 to 70 percent of dog owners see no problem letting their dogs shit and piss on my lawn.
Posted by Arthur Zifferelli on November 21, 2012 at 1:03 PM · Report this
17
Pin this column on the front door.
Posted by portland scribe on November 21, 2012 at 3:57 PM · Report this
18
So I have a dog that goes on mushroom hunting trips, climbing trips, camping trips, bike rides, hikes, and every day he at least gets an hour and a half walk at the very minimum. This same dog is also very passionate about being in the backyard and barking at everyone that walks by. Some breeds of dog live for barking and/or guarding and I am pretty aghast at the comments above that jump to it being pure and simple animal abuse. Maybe this dog is actually outside 24/7 but I could also see someone flippantly saying the same about my dog and it would be the wrong assumption.
Posted by kittysnake on November 21, 2012 at 6:22 PM · Report this
19
And the dogs that aren't outside sniffing and barking and shitting might be locked in a crate for 20 hours a day because their owners aren't even home to tell them to stop barking at the neighbors.
Posted by kittysnake on November 21, 2012 at 6:25 PM · Report this
20
The new Seattle animal control ordinances will have anti-tethering provisions, so if the dog is tied up all day, calling Animal Control certainly will help (if you're in Seattle, anyway).
Posted by Puppyface on November 21, 2012 at 8:59 PM · Report this
21
It's just a dog. Come on Stranger, this is Mercury-level I, Anon. You can do better.
Posted by notsosupermario on November 22, 2012 at 1:05 AM · Report this
22
Barley deserves better care! Can't Animal Control be contacted to find more responsible dog owners? Aren't there no-kill shelters in Seattle?
Posted by auntie grizelda on November 22, 2012 at 2:36 AM · Report this
Reutte 23
I feel terrible for the neighbors. I have two big dogs next door who bark like mad and since I work thirds, I get to hear them barking all day and yes, there are times when they wake me up which sucks. Care for your animals or keep them indoors or something.
Posted by Reutte on November 22, 2012 at 8:08 AM · Report this
24
So, kittysnake ( @18 and 19 ) you take good care of your dog, and that's great. But you don't give a shit that it runs about in your back yard barking and barking, anoying all your neighbors? Wow, you're quite the entitled asshat.
Posted by Arthur Zifferelli on November 22, 2012 at 11:17 AM · Report this
yucca flower 25
An animal rescue league needs to "liberate" Barley from his crappy home.
Posted by yucca flower on November 22, 2012 at 12:15 PM · Report this
26
Doesn't anyone else think it's creepy that this person knows such intimate details about their neighbors? I get the impression Anon doesn't really know these people but feels no shame in spying on the woman's tv workout routines. I wouldn't want either party as a neighbor.
Posted by Not Your Mom on November 22, 2012 at 10:22 PM · Report this
27
No, I don't let him just bark, Arthur, but his breed is a breed that likes to bark and apparently the I Anon thinks it is abuse to tell your dog to stop barking. Also, the neighbors I am supposedly annoying like my dog. I guess I don't live in an uptight neighborhood, like you all, where we lock our dogs inside and never let them see the light of day. In my neighborhood we talk to each other and let our dogs out to play and bark together. I am just saying that the comments above are ignorant and alarming. Dogs bark for many reasons. They bark when they want to go outside, come back in, when something startles them, to say hello, when they are playing, and yes sometimes when they are sad. I'm not saying I anon's neighbor is free of blame but I do think everyone needs to rethink what it means when a dog barks.

And yes, 26, it is creepy. Cringe..
Posted by kittysnake on November 22, 2012 at 11:03 PM · Report this
TVDinner 28
@27: Your neighbors probably pretend to like your dog and you to keep the peace in the 'hood, and you're the kind of clueless moron who doesn't pick up on the subtle hints. "Oh, Fido, there you go barking again," they say, secretly wondering at the legal consequences of getting caught slipping Fido some antifreeze.

Posted by TVDinner http:// on November 23, 2012 at 11:16 AM · Report this
29
Dogs: They don't belong in cities.

Hey, I know, I know: You live in the city and you have a dog.

You are wrong.
Posted by An inconvenient truth on November 23, 2012 at 12:16 PM · Report this
30
@ 28
Ha ha. That would be really hypocritical and weird of my neighbors to think that as THEIR dogs are playing and barking with mine. But sure, I must be a clueless moron, its really the only option just like barking always equals a dog crying, right? But whateves,

Posted by kittysnake on November 23, 2012 at 2:59 PM · Report this
OutInBumF 31
Any harsh and loud sounds emanating from pets needs concern on the part of the owner. Simply saying 'no one's complained' is not an answer.
There's no dog alive who can compete with two cockatoos in the noise production department. When they are outside in the summer, they are not un-attended and screaming their little hearts out. That would be rude to my neighbors, who are way too polite to tell me my pets' noise is unbearable. I will also never be able to live in an apartment as long as I have them. It's the price paid to have them and nice neighbors, too.
Nobody wants to listen to someone else's dog bark endlessly- nobody. Please make a note of it.
Posted by OutInBumF on November 23, 2012 at 7:41 PM · Report this
OutInBumF 32
Same goes for out-of-control children in restaurants. Just because no one calls in the manager does not mean they're happy to have your kid screaming, crying and distrupting their meal.
Posted by OutInBumF on November 23, 2012 at 7:45 PM · Report this
33
#1:

You certainly have all of the markings of a frustrated control freak.
Posted by Filthy McNasty on November 25, 2012 at 10:55 AM · Report this
34
32 is on point, and 30 is a really clueless piece of shit.

Fuck your annoying ass dogs and kids. They're your problem imposed on us.

I understand - someday I might want one, or we live in a society where we should try to deal with each other's shit with civility, yadda yadda yadda.

But seriously. Nobody else thinks they're anywhere as tolerable or cute as you do, and the sooner you get it through your thick fucking skull that the rest of the world perceives reality differently from your oxytocin-warped brain, the easier it'll be for all of us to get along.
Posted by for fuck's sake on November 25, 2012 at 2:54 PM · Report this
35
@33:

You certainly have all the markings of a public-toilet masturbator. Look, if you must jack-off in the stall at work, could you please keep the moans and groans down?
Posted by Arthur Zifferelli on November 26, 2012 at 9:42 AM · Report this
36
@27: Certainly, dogs can bark at a lot of things naturally, but they also shit in your house naturally. That's why we train dogs to not bark at goddamn everything, and we also train them not to shit indoors. Both are annoying.
Posted by alguna_rubia on November 27, 2012 at 3:00 PM · Report this
37
Although, #27, they *WILL* shit anywhere they like outdoors. Your lawn, my lawn, the park...

I used to like to go to the park and *SIT* on the grass.

No more. Too much fucking pedigreed dog shit.
Posted by Arthur Zifferelli on November 27, 2012 at 8:35 PM · Report this
38
Ah, yes, the shortcomings of supposedly advanced, sentient beings.

It makes me sad how little people consider animals, as if they have the right to all of this planet. I have never considered my animals a pet, always an animal that has a right to be here and since it doesn't get to roam free because of all the cars and laws, I try to treat it respectfully.

But still much of the human race is quite primitive and selfish.
Posted by windowbum on November 27, 2012 at 10:34 PM · Report this

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