Wake Up, Amazing Lady
When a man sleeps with you for months yet NEVER comes over to your house, NEVER invites you to share any weekend time with him (including doing activities that he knows you like to do), RARELY initiates text/phone conversations, and ALWAYS texts you when he is drunk... HE DOESN'T WANT TO BE YOUR BOYFRIEND, HE WANTS TO BE YOUR FUCKFRIEND.
And while a fuckfriend may be a nice commodity item to have, please recognize that you are not now nor will you ever be the type of woman to be able to successfully have one. You, my silly, sweet, and sappy friend, are the type to tear up over mushy Subaru ads, and I know for a fact that you fall in love with strangers on the bus weekly—so stop denying that you are falling in love with this man you have been sleeping with three or four nights a week. You, my beautiful friend, have learned this lesson already, remember? You have had your heart broken and been taken advantage of in the past. So please please please listen to me when I tell you to STOP SEEING THIS GUY.
Somewhere out there is a man who wants to go to the dog park with you, play games with you, sleep in and then go to brunch with you, snowboard with you, surf with you, take weekend trips with you, go down on you, go to the movie theater with you. And somewhere out there is a man who won't make you feel like a needy, simpering girl for even thinking of—much less asking him to do—any of the above things with him.