Send legible confessions, apologies, and accusations of 400 words or less, changing the names of the innocent and guilty, to "I, Anonymous," c/o The Stranger, 1535 11th Ave., 3rd floor, Seattle WA 98122, or e-mail us at anonymous@thestranger.com.Smells Like Trilateral CommissionEveryone knows the real reason Kurt Cobain was murdered -- OIL. In 1991, Saddam Hussein's hold on power was weakening, and the only way to keep the populace in line was to invade Kuwait. But, alas, the nation's youth were starting to question their leader's wisdom -- some were even listening to Nirvana in an attempt to find a new moral compass. Obviously, something had to be done to stop this burgeoning insurrection. There was only one group to turn to: the Trilateral Commission. In a 1991 visit to the United Nations, Teriq Aziz (Iraqi foreign minister at the time) slipped away from the UN complex for a secret meeting with commission member (and future NYC mayor) Rudy Giuliani. They then decided to eliminate the threat of Mr. Cobain with extreme prejudice.

Funding for this termination was to be provided by Saudi Arabia, who would benefit from Iraq leaving the oil market. Of course, there was only one person in Seattle who could get the job done and subsequently get away with murder -- City Attorney Mark Sidran. You might have heard this theory on a soapbox in some park, or Seattle Center -- but coincidentally, that's been banned, hasn't it? Hmmmmmm...

-- Anonymous