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I, Anonymous

Thanks for the Rolling Brownout

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Steven Weissman

To the asshole who farted on the 8 a.m. D line to downtown: While I was surrounded by people with no hope for escape, you decided to crop-dust everyone on the overcrowded prison of a bus this morning. Fuck you. Learn how to take a shit before you leave the house for work like the rest of us. I'm sure you thought it was pretty funny to spray your ass juice cloud around for everyone to deal with. Thank fucking God I sprayed Kenzo on my cowl neck before I left so I could somewhat escape your fart stank. Next time, get off the bus and go take a shit. GROSS!

—Anonymous

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Comments (32) RSS

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1
Um, open the window?
Posted by acceptchangeorreject on April 30, 2014 at 9:15 AM · Report this
2
I'd rather smell the farts than the idiots who bathe in cologne. Farts waft away after a few minutes. Cologne sticks around forever.
Posted by treehugger on April 30, 2014 at 9:36 AM · Report this
3
He who smelt it dealt it
Posted by Arturo Bandini on April 30, 2014 at 10:44 AM · Report this
4
Oh come on guys!! Be nice.. Farts on a bus are awful. I have almost barfed before in that situation.

I can be sympathetic with this one, being a frequent bus rider. If you're stuck on a crowded bus, it is NO fun to be stuck with a farting fellow passenger! (Or an unwashed one for that matter).

I think that's a valid I Anon, personally.
Posted by Chandira on April 30, 2014 at 12:15 PM · Report this
gr8lakesgrrl 5
Better out than in! ~ Shrek
Posted by gr8lakesgrrl on April 30, 2014 at 12:15 PM · Report this
Unregistered User 6
@2@2@2
Posted by Unregistered User on April 30, 2014 at 1:09 PM · Report this
7
I'd rather not smell anything on the bus, but a bus farter is the second lowest form of city dweller - Elevator farters are the lowest (really, you can't hold that for 5 floors?)
Posted by woofy on April 30, 2014 at 1:20 PM · Report this
8
Silent, but deadly.

I love to fart!
Posted by meb on April 30, 2014 at 2:40 PM · Report this
keshmeshi 9
Speaking as an unusually flatulent person, I feel it necessary to point out that farts can escape at any time, regardless if the person needs to take a shit or not. If Anon genuinely doesn't know this, I'd like to suggest she work on improving her colon health. Maybe take some probiotics? A lack of healthy gut flora is correlated with numerous poor health outcomes, including cancer.
Posted by keshmeshi on April 30, 2014 at 4:52 PM · Report this
Looking For a Better Read 10
Kenzo? Cowl? It seems I am, as the kids say, totally not with it.
Posted by Looking For a Better Read on April 30, 2014 at 9:44 PM · Report this
freesandbags 11
pffffffffft. that's 4 u.
Posted by freesandbags on April 30, 2014 at 9:52 PM · Report this
12
Too bad the lethal fart in question on Metro couldn't have been bottled and shipped to Rick Santorum, the self-appointed Rolling Brownout King.
Posted by auntie grizelda on April 30, 2014 at 10:37 PM · Report this
Godzilla1916 13
Haven't you ever heard of the percolating crap?!!

This shit takes time and can't be rushed. Wahh-wah!

Here's to a CLEAN BREAK!
Posted by Godzilla1916 on May 1, 2014 at 8:43 AM · Report this
14
The way to deal with farts on a bus is to make your brain think it is the aroma of a fine pot of chili.
Posted by Arthur Zifferelli on May 1, 2014 at 8:59 AM · Report this
15
....and another reason not to ride the bus.
Posted by Jabba on May 1, 2014 at 10:04 AM · Report this
16
Sorry, but enjoy it..your bus service is about to get fucked..the least of this annon problems is finding alternate routes to get gassed..

thx Seattle, you used to care..
Posted by hellinafiresuit on May 1, 2014 at 6:02 PM · Report this
17
I love a good fart on the bus. In the elevator too.
Posted by jerkoff on May 2, 2014 at 1:27 AM · Report this
18
This is such a first world issue - eww someone farted, my life is soooooo horrible - waaaa.
Posted by reswin on May 2, 2014 at 5:52 AM · Report this
Tingleyfeeln 19
Of all the petty injustices which should be written about in this column, this would be among the pettiest. What, did you just have to submit something? Was it a slow week at Stranger HQ, and this was the best they could give us?
Posted by Tingleyfeeln on May 2, 2014 at 2:49 PM · Report this
20
I really like to eat my zit juice, especially the really hard stringy ones. Sometimes my roommate has good ones too and I want to eat his. Is the zit juice had for you?
Posted by Arthur Zifferelli on May 2, 2014 at 7:17 PM · Report this
21
This is such a first world issue - eww someone farted, my life is soooooo horrible - waaaa.
Well, Reswin, if you can't handle discussion about "first world" issues, why not move to some "third world" shit hole? Seriously, comments like your are worse than useless, they are pretentious pap, generally from people that would run crying to mommy if ever they found themselves in a "third world" situation. Kiss my ass, Reswin, we live in Seattle and it's appropriate to talk about Seattle issues, like asswipes named "Reswin" who fart on buses. Seriously, Reswin, go fuck yourself - if you are not doing so already.
Posted by Arthur Zifferelli on May 2, 2014 at 7:23 PM · Report this
22
@21: I'm 100% positive that I'm not the only one who finds "comments like your (sic) are worse than useless" deliciously ironic.
Posted by treehugger on May 2, 2014 at 8:04 PM · Report this
23
I may be the mystery farter you refer to on the D line this morning. You would be the babe in the cut off Carharts,the flannel cut off at the shoulders and Dock Martins, am I right ! When you reached for the overhead handrail and your armpit hair sprung out, I nearly busted a nut, but when your "I'm just back from Paris" aroma assaulted my nostrils well, you can only imagine. I had no choice in the matter, my ass took over and fought back. In the future you will experience more favorable results if you shower a day but not more than two before you use public transit and by all means try that new fad that is sweeping the nation, Deodorant.
Posted by Howie Feltersnatch on May 3, 2014 at 2:30 AM · Report this
24
I would think you seattle folks would be complaining about the useless asswipes waddling about REEKING of pot in tight, public spaces like the bus.

Normal folks would.
Posted by Tard on May 3, 2014 at 11:52 AM · Report this
TCLballardwallymont 25
25 comments in and no one has informed poor blind I,A that buses have windows which open.

Get on bus. Bus stinks. Stay near the front, slam open a window or top vent. Yell to the back "Hey it fuckin stinks in here, someone pop a window please.". Real rocket science.

Perfume soaked cowl necks must kill brain cells.
Posted by TCLballardwallymont on May 3, 2014 at 8:37 PM · Report this
doloresdaphne 26
This week's I anon proudly brought to you by the Seattle motoring lobby.
Posted by doloresdaphne on May 3, 2014 at 10:45 PM · Report this
27
@ 18 first wold problems are the only kind of problems to have
Posted by dkjndmsahksdhksal on May 4, 2014 at 3:36 PM · Report this
28
@ 2 In what world is that better?
Posted by dkjndmsahksdhksal on May 4, 2014 at 3:37 PM · Report this
29
@28 You have to understand the Kshama Sawant crowd aspire to be French, and smell like them. So while farting in public is still "bad", smelling like rank pigs that need a bath is homage to Jack Kerouac.
Posted by Arthur Zifferelli on May 5, 2014 at 7:38 PM · Report this
30
A few years ago, my wife and I had front-row seats to see one of my favorite bands. Because the tickets were a gift from the band's manager, they were especially appreciated. About halfway through the show, someone started floating the absolute worst butt muffins of all time. I mean these were paint-peeling, vomit-inducing, eye-watering, gut-wrenching, mustard-gas, military-grade farts. This went on for almost 20 minutes with each volley being worse than its predecessor. People around us were beginning to verbally complain over the sound of the band. Many decided to leave the front row, but since this was one of my favorite bands, and the tickets were a gift, I was damned if I was going to move. I buried my nose in the crook of my arm and just kept rockin'. After the show, I said to my wife, "Jesus Christ! I can't believe the asshole that kept farting during the show and wouldn't leave! Didn't that gross you out?!?" She just looked at me sheepishly and said, "...sorry."
Posted by TheBeard on May 6, 2014 at 1:30 PM · Report this
31
just fart back this sounds like that kind of conversation anyway

Posted by Mx.JordanHill on May 6, 2014 at 8:39 PM · Report this
32
my brother picked up an expression from somewhere when we were kids: Why fart and waste it when you can belch and taste it?

Good advice for the bus-farter if you ever find out who it was.
Posted by madawa on May 12, 2014 at 9:10 PM · Report this

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