Drop Dead, Dad
Hey there, Dad. This is your son. Specifically, I'm the son you fathered with your second wife. I don't know how many other children you have, but I know you have been married four times. I understand you have a Filipino woman about to receive her visa to come live with you and bring her son with her. You have a lot to offer a person from Manila: the wonders of America, shopping malls, etc. I hope she enjoys seeing your squalid little rental house and your big-screen TV complete with all the porn you have enjoyed all these years as a single pervert. I hope you will remember their birthdays, as you have forgotten mine all these years. I think the fact that she is half your age is a big factor, and I can only hope that you contract testicular cancer soon and your penis falls off and she takes all your money and runs off with your landlord. Love, your son.