To the fat, sign-toting, come-to-Jesus man who "works" downtown: I must commend you. You have discovered your true calling, and that calling is free food. Twice now, I've witnessed your master's humble servants, who would not deign to offer charity to the sea of broken men and women surrounding you, deliver foil-wrapped goods to your very self. Thank you. You give the casual believer a sanctioned conduit for performing their acts of grace. Who else among the unclean masses could a Seattleite comfortably give alms to? Enjoy those burritos, sir, because you've earned them. Keep doing god's mythical, lazy-ass work.

—Anonymous