Columns

I, Anonymous

Your Cheatin' Heart

We were amused when you started banging one of our (and your) coworkers just a few months after your big wedding. We were irritated when you spent all day on the computer chatting with your new BF instead of working. We were amazed when, after your dirty little affair got outed, you just denied the whole thing ever happened EVEN THOUGH WE SAW YOU GUYS TOGETHER. We laughed at the crocodile tears you shed to each of us about how you were innocent and truly in love with your husband. By the way, no one can look that poor sap in the eye when you bring him into the store. We were confused when you got busted a couple of weeks later making out with some dude (also not your hubby) just a few blocks from work. What the F? First-anniversary gifts are traditionally paper, and we know just what to get you when that special date rolls around this summer... a scorecard!! To recognize your slutty behavior and lying skillz, your coworkers have decided to name you official Store Skank. Your duties include humping on random dudes you're not married to and hiding out all day avoiding real work. Your greasy crown is in the mail. recommended

Submit your unsigned confession or accusation here. Please remember to change the names of the innocent and guilty. One submission will be published in the paper and online every week.
 

Comments (38) RSS

Oldest First Unregistered On Registered On Add a comment
1
Mom?
Posted by jenc01 on February 10, 2010 at 11:30 AM · Report this
2
WHY YOU BE HATIN' MANE?!?!
Posted by F U D G E ! on February 10, 2010 at 11:55 AM · Report this
3
I love this one. Ugh, poor husband. But he must have seen signs of crazy before putting a ring on her finger.
Posted by Trxy on February 10, 2010 at 12:37 PM · Report this
hans millionaire 4
author is jellysicle
Posted by hans millionaire on February 10, 2010 at 12:56 PM · Report this
violet 5
hates it when a singular author writes in as 'we'. nice to see a judgemental group-think I.A., though.. it's so rare.
Posted by violet on February 10, 2010 at 1:13 PM · Report this
Baconcat 6
@1: GRANDMA?!
Posted by Baconcat on February 10, 2010 at 1:57 PM · Report this
7
@6Dad who used to be grandma?
Posted by Hybrid Vigor on February 10, 2010 at 2:43 PM · Report this
luvzhappyboy 8
There's a place for skanks like that: SAA.
Posted by luvzhappyboy on February 10, 2010 at 3:02 PM · Report this
Geocrackr 9
...or the GOP. Whichever.
Posted by Geocrackr on February 10, 2010 at 5:02 PM · Report this
10
Sounds like "youze" needs to get your own lives and stop focusing on hers. She's a coworker, not family. What she does is her own business.
Posted by Worry about your own shit on February 10, 2010 at 7:28 PM · Report this
11
Maybe she's fulfilling her husband's cuckold fetish, and they don't see any reason to tell casual coworkers their business. Maybe they're even having a good laugh at the coworkers' consternation! (I sure hope so, anyhow...!)
Posted by The Wild Sow on February 10, 2010 at 7:47 PM · Report this
The Wild Sow 12
Maybe she's fulfilling her husband's cuckold fetish, and they don't see any particular reason to fill casual coworkers in on all their business. Maybe they're even having a good laugh at the coworkers' pearl-clutching (thanks Savage Love comments for that expression!)

I sure hope so, anyhow.

Randy Cohen's "On Ethics" had a similar situation last week -- leaving out the good laugh at the colleagues...

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/01/31/magazi…
Posted by The Wild Sow on February 10, 2010 at 8:00 PM · Report this
13
It IS hard to work with a psycho slut that drags you into her tawdry life. Keep your vulva in your pants, at least while you are at work.
Posted by CameraGeek on February 10, 2010 at 8:13 PM · Report this
growler 14
this is exactly how i hope my ex's co-workers feel about her when she decided to have an affair with one the afore mentioned co-workers. actually, i'm pretty sure they did cuz she was transfered out to a new location a few weeks later.

and i think back fondly....ahhhhhhhh...what a whore. dirty dirty whore.
Posted by growler on February 10, 2010 at 8:22 PM · Report this
15
He'll smell it on her breath one day......mine did.
Posted by Sarah Palin on February 10, 2010 at 9:10 PM · Report this
16
What kind of dirty shitbag cheats on someone a few months after tying the knot? Her husband sounds like a lucky man.
Posted by Dorrie on February 11, 2010 at 6:59 AM · Report this
Incredible 17
Terrible! This whore deserves to be shot and then hung, after I get a piece of that hot action...
Posted by Incredible on February 11, 2010 at 8:10 AM · Report this
18
I can't believe someone is complaining about a [presumably] 20 something working at a Music Store/Blockbuster/2nd-Hand Clothing Store being a cheater. This is hipsterdom.
Posted by fetish on February 11, 2010 at 1:15 PM · Report this
wondergus 19
#15
Sarah, you promised not to tell.
Levi
Posted by wondergus on February 11, 2010 at 1:27 PM · Report this
20
Makes me wonder if my ex-wife's coworkers sent this in a few years back and they're only just getting to it...
Posted by The Dingo on February 11, 2010 at 3:39 PM · Report this
21
Poor husband.
It sounds like Peggy Bundy is alive and well!
Posted by wileEcoyote on February 11, 2010 at 4:33 PM · Report this
22
I bet that the coworkers would not really care about the slutty behaviour if she wasn't lazy. When she leaves the work for them, its like she is making them help her do it.
They probably all chipped in on a shower gift and feel cheated that she misrepresented herself as well!
Posted by porkendorffe on February 11, 2010 at 4:39 PM · Report this
23
Sounds like her coworkers need to mind their own business. Sure, tell her to stop chatting with her BF on the clock, but apart from that, keep your nose out!
Posted by I have always been... east coaster on February 12, 2010 at 9:01 AM · Report this
24
Dear TheSameOld
I, the "store skank" was your friend. I stood by you when you got fired, took your calls, defended you, tried to help you get another job. I ignored the gossiping coworkers because you needed someone on your side.
We used to have fun together until you couldn't take no for an answer. Now that I know about your "lying skillz" you want to trash me online. The internet makes it very easy to spread rumors.
You wouldn't have to try so hard to save face if you hadn't spent so much time talking up our "relationship" in the first place.
Sincerely, The Store Skank

I know who this poster is because he put the very same content up on Seattle Craigslist Rants&Raves in January then posted it again ON HIS OWN BLOG. I had to get an Order of Protection because he is so determine to trash me. Now that I have the Order he just creates fake online accounts or posts anonymously.

You can't know what goes on in someones life unless you actually talk to them.
Posted by storeskank on February 15, 2010 at 11:04 AM · Report this
25
Dear Anonymous,
I, the "store skank" was your friend. I stood by you when you got fired, took your calls, defended you, tried to help you get another job. I ignored the gossiping coworkers because you needed someone on your side.
We used to have fun together until you couldn't take no for an answer. Now that I know about your "lying skillz" you want to trash me online. The internet makes it very easy to spread rumors.
You wouldn't have to try so hard to save face if you hadn't spent so much time talking up our "relationship" in the first place.
Sincerely, The Store Skank

I know who this poster is because he put the very same content up on Seattle Craigslist Rants&Raves in January then posted it again ON HIS OWN BLOG. I had to get an Order of Protection because he is so determine to trash me. Now that I have the Order he just creates fake online accounts or posts anonymously.

You can't know what goes on in someones life unless you actually talk to them.
Posted by storeskank on February 15, 2010 at 11:21 AM · Report this
26
Dear TheSameOld
I, the "store skank" was your friend. I stood by you when you got fired, took your calls, defended you, tried to help you get another job. I ignored the gossiping coworkers because you needed someone on your side.
We used to have fun together until you couldn't take no for an answer. Now that I know about your "lying skillz" you want to trash me online. The internet makes it very easy to spread rumors.
You wouldn't have to try so hard to save face if you hadn't spent so much time talking up our "relationship" in the first place.
Sincerely, The Store Skank

I know who this poster is because he put the very same content up on Seattle Craigslist Rants&Raves in January then posted it again ON HIS OWN BLOG. I had to get an Order of Protection because he is so determine to trash me. Now that I have the Order he just creates fake online accounts or posts anonymously.

You can't know what goes on in someones life unless you actually talk to them.
Posted by storeskank on February 15, 2010 at 11:32 AM · Report this
27
@10, her "private life" became the business of the co-workers as soon as she decided to fuck on the job, fuck near the job, and to waste company time chatting on the comp. The skank needs to do a better job of keeping her private life private.
Posted by CHeatinBitch on February 15, 2010 at 12:08 PM · Report this
28
@storeskank: what kind of slut can not keep her cheating ways secret especailly so soon after getting married. If your husband isnt a cuckold, than why the fuck did u get married?
Im not pretending to be better than you, I dont know you, but again, WHY GET MARRIED? No matter what you say, your still a slut for doing your husband the way you do. He's probably a good guy too, the good ones always get burnt.
Posted by I want some of the skank on February 15, 2010 at 12:12 PM · Report this
29
to store skanks husband.....how did my dick taste dude? muahahahahahaaaaaaaaaa!
Posted by gillettebret on February 15, 2010 at 2:59 PM · Report this
30
My wife and I don't have any secrets. We are happy despite this guy's pathetic efforts to trash her.This guy got obsessed with her. He's been going on about her being a "slut", "whore", "psycho", "cunt" who doesn't do her job for months. This is all simply not true, and he no longer even works at the store. It's clear that someone who refers to women in these terms has some emotional issues, and needs professional help. Anonymous internet posts are this guy's cowardly last resort.
sincerely,
the husband
Posted by thehusband on February 15, 2010 at 5:06 PM · Report this
31
My wife and I don't have any secrets. We are happy despite this guy's pathetic efforts to trash her. This guy got obsessed with her. He's been going on about her being a "slut", "whore", "psycho", "cunt" who doesn't do her job for months. It's clear that someone who refers to women in these terms has some emotional issues, and needs professional help. This is all simply not true, and he no longer even works at the store. Anonymous internet posts are this guy's cowardly last resort after being rejected.
sincerely,
the husband
Posted by thehusband on February 15, 2010 at 5:27 PM · Report this
32
I don't know bout all that,"husband". But it's awesome that u don't care that ur newlywed is fucking other men. I wish my first husband had been as cool.
Posted by Munchkinv on February 15, 2010 at 6:39 PM · Report this
33
Yet another prime example of the comments being FAR more entertaining than the actual letter!
Posted by Singsong Sally on February 16, 2010 at 10:21 AM · Report this
34
what happened to i anon being anon? hell the weiner husband and the skank have both "phoned it in" obviously very defensive for some reason. i still wanna know HOW DID YOU LIKE MY DICK TASTE ON HER LIP'S ? WHY DON'T YA COME GET IT IN PERSON NEXT TIME. MUAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
Posted by gillettebret on February 16, 2010 at 4:21 PM · Report this
35
I feel bad for the husband. I married a women like that who screwed so many dirty dongs she needed a hysterectomy at 28 years old. "Her insides were like barren rock where no mans seed could be sown" Polluted beyond belief with the stench of a rotting boar in the summer heat. she also caught hep-b from her evil ways. What goes around will GO around.

Posted by duffomatic on February 16, 2010 at 9:40 PM · Report this
36
Girls are mean!
Posted by montex on February 17, 2010 at 5:19 AM · Report this
37
Guys can be mean too!
Posted by aunt bee on February 25, 2010 at 9:40 PM · Report this
38
oh william when will it end??
Posted by again? on March 2, 2010 at 11:27 PM · Report this

Add a comment