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I, Anonymous

The Other Woman

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Steven Weissman

To submit an unsigned confession or accusation, go to forums.thestranger.com. Please remember to change the names of the innocent and guilty. One submission will be published in the paper every week, but all submissions to I, Anonymous can be found at thestranger.com.

I've never been with a married man before. Why? Because I believe it's wrong. But somehow you were able to turn me away from my values. Now that we're over, I want to congratulate you. Your quest to have yet another woman feel extremely ashamed of herself for ever getting involved with you was a success. Is that the real goal or just a side benefit? Either way, you helped me understand completely that to you, sex is a meaningless act with zero value. Thank you so much for that. You have such poor regard for the wonderful gift of sex, I can certainly understand why your wife doesn't want you to touch her. Being with you proved I can reach a new low. I feel ashamed and foolish for believing in a man like you. I feel ridiculous for thinking that you were genuinely interested in me in any real way. Your family would have been devastated if they found out. I helped you deceive them—and with my selfish, callous behavior, I could have potentially destroyed their lives. I am so disgusted with myself and with you. recommended

I have no right to sit and wonder why or how you could do this to me, when you are perfectly capable of doing it to your own family and your wife, the one you are supposed to love. God, what an empty black hole you must have inside you. Good luck trying to fill that void, you empty bastard.

Submit your unsigned confession or accusation here. Please remember to change the names of the innocent and guilty. One submission will be published in the paper and online every week.
 

Comments (54) RSS

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1 Comment Pulled (OffTopic) Comment Policy
2
Mom? Is that you?
Posted by ctmcmull on March 24, 2010 at 12:05 PM · Report this
Rotten666 3
At least she takes some of the blame. Don't do it again you silly slut!
Posted by Rotten666 on March 24, 2010 at 12:12 PM · Report this
4
Oh look, there's a big out of control truck flying full speed down the hiway. I think I'll stand here in the middle of the lane and hope it doesn't hurt me. If it does, I'll whine and blame the truck for letting me stand in front of it.
Posted by Married Men R Married Men on March 24, 2010 at 12:28 PM · Report this
5
well first of all BURN IN HELL ADULTERER!!!!! I have no sympathy for a home wrecking whore. She could have kept her legs together , but oh no. This is just bitter dregs from another dumb slut. What did you think was gonna happen? he was gonna get divorced , leave his family etc just for your smelly hole? I hear Aroura bridge is a good place to deal with this kind of issue, JUMP BITCH JUMP! as for the dude fuck him too. Cheaters should be publicly flogged and burned at the stake. There are plenty of single guys she could have had sex with in town with out getting involved with a married guy. if hes an empty bastard , what does that make you?
Posted by gillettebret on March 24, 2010 at 12:31 PM · Report this
6
What was this person thinking would happen? That he would leave his wife for her? Get it through your thick skulls, women of the world: A married man may think you're great, the two of you might have lots in common, blah, blah, blah, but in the end it's just sex and conversation. He is NOT leaving his wife for you or anybody. Your relationship with him is finite. If you can't deal with that, don't fuck him. You'll only have yourself to blame when he stops calling.
Posted by You see this ring, right? on March 24, 2010 at 12:33 PM · Report this
7
Why do I want to see 'Brains&Beauty:women seeking men' humping that dog?
Posted by boatman on March 24, 2010 at 12:39 PM · Report this
8
Writer:

Sometimes people do shit that they never thought they could, and then wonder how the hell they ever became that person--just ask my wife. But don't worry, you're the same good person you always were, now just a little smarter. At least you weren't the married one, as that's even harder to accept of yourself--just ask my wife.
Posted by turtlemilk on March 24, 2010 at 12:52 PM · Report this
Sat'n 9
Catholics.
Posted by Sat'n on March 24, 2010 at 1:07 PM · Report this
10
Wait, you mean a man can separate sex and emotion? Well I'll be damned.
Posted by Stef on March 24, 2010 at 1:17 PM · Report this
11
Would a half quart of Häagen-Dazs White Chocolate Raspberry Truffle make you feel better?
Posted by MacGruber on March 24, 2010 at 2:12 PM · Report this
12
So, uhm, what's your number?
Posted by Slam1263 on March 24, 2010 at 2:26 PM · Report this
13
@5: Dad, you're drunk again.
Posted by Come Down Off the Roof on March 24, 2010 at 2:40 PM · Report this
14
I think #5 above needs a hug.
Posted by Hybrid Vigor on March 24, 2010 at 2:47 PM · Report this
15
yawn
Posted by nobodycaresanyway on March 24, 2010 at 3:52 PM · Report this
keshmeshi 16
gillettebret used to be kind of funny, even if caustic. Now it appears he's off his meds.
Posted by keshmeshi on March 24, 2010 at 4:45 PM · Report this
Aurora Erratic 17
Take it easy. You fucked up, now you're done with it. As for him, he probably really does have an empty black hole inside him, and it probably hurts like a sonofabitch.
Karma's right here where we live, baby,
Posted by Aurora Erratic http://www.finemesspottery.com on March 24, 2010 at 5:11 PM · Report this
growler 18
UGH.....i feel stupider for reading this.
and i'm pretty stupid already. and yet somehow this I,ANON writer makes me look like einstein. please don't have children.
Posted by growler on March 24, 2010 at 5:48 PM · Report this
19
Heh. Women dwell, men just think of the swell.

She: I was sooo drunk that I didn't know what I was doing.

He: Hey....ahh...beautiful, I need to go to an early meeting. Can I call you a cab home?
Posted by Veins-a-poppin' on March 24, 2010 at 6:42 PM · Report this
20
Why do you assume that sex for him was a "meaningless act with zero value"?
Can't you see this guy risked his family for the "wonderful gift of sex" with you? I bet he would have given up a lot more for the wonderful gift.

Sex is so valuable that most men will do lots of crazy shit to get it. It sounds like your mad because he wasn't interested in you in "any real way". Translated that means he didn't wan't an emotional relationship with you. He just valued the sex, right?

I don't understand what your whining about. Did you want him to leave his family? Why can't you see that sex is a valuable thing. It was a wonderful gift that you gave him. Why complain now? When I give a gift I don't expect anything in return. Maybe a little gratitude. If you only give something to get something in return you need just check your attitude and start charging for it upfront.
Posted by jnonymous on March 24, 2010 at 8:16 PM · Report this
21
@5

Geez, man, lighten up. You write like you don't deserve to listen to Johnny Cash, let alone use him as an avatar.

So she made a mistake. Yep, I have to. Had sex w/ the wrong person? Check. Felt ashamed at some of my decisions? Check. Made the same mistake after I swore I'd never do that again? Yep, done that to. It's because I'm human. And while I didn't write to IA, I can understand a cathartic act as well as the next schlub.

But I won't be pointing my hellfire-damnation finger at anyone else. I'll leave that to the true fuck-ups.
Posted by reading is sexy on March 24, 2010 at 8:36 PM · Report this
22
soory if i came off a little too flamed but i cannot stand these skanks who fuck married men. for that matter married bitches that fuck around. i can honestly say i have never cheated on a spouse but have been cheated on. if you wanna screw someone else ,leave the relation ship. then fuck someone o.k. just to be funny: a blonde takes her car to a mechanic because its not running right, a week later she comes back and asks " you figure out how to fix it? " the mechanic says back " yeah just crap in the carborator. " then the blonde say's "how often do i have to do that" insert rimshot here< lol! peace i'm out!
Posted by gillettebret on March 24, 2010 at 9:07 PM · Report this
23
I'm always surprised that the people involved in these kinds of situations are surprised at the outcome.
Posted by El Brucio on March 24, 2010 at 9:34 PM · Report this
24
@5 Uh... wow. Issues much?

Seriously though, Anonymous - chalk this up to a learning experience and don't sleep with a married man again, no matter how little he says his wife understands him. She probably understands plenty.
Posted by Electric Maenad on March 24, 2010 at 9:36 PM · Report this
25
I've met a man who left his wife...for me. She had been sleeping in a seperate room for the last 8 years, he had been living in a seperate country for two(Ireland/England), visiting kids on weekends. He felt that unless he had a compelling reason to upset the arrangement (i.e. new love) there was no reason to rock the boat. Well, we met, fell in love, and he did leave her. He still fully supports her and the kids (she doesn't work) but, obviously, is with me. I've met his family, friends and coworkers. We travel together, live together, pay bills together. We're together and have been for several years.

He got therapy for the his issues that played a role in the dissoluton of their relationship, takes care of his responsibilities and is generally a good guy. He just couldn't justify upsetting his kids with an official divorce until he met someone he loved.

So, no one is stupid for believing that someone loves them and is telling the truth - marriage is over, ect. BUT the key is, actions must = words. If he says he is going to leave her, then he has to leave her, not give you a bunch of excuses. If he says you are going to be together, than he should do the things that mean you are together - meet family, create shared history, make committment.

So don't feel stupid. You'll never find love if you don't trust the person you are with to a reasonable degree.

Not all "other women" are homewreckers - some wives/husbands wreck their own homes just fine by themselves. I'm not saying that there are lots of cases of the innocent and unknowing spouse but that's not always the case.
Posted by Other Woman on March 25, 2010 at 5:49 AM · Report this
26
This may be a long shot, but is it really that hard to stay away from married men? Really? If he is in an unhappy marriage (so he says) then he's got bigger fish to fry than getting some new pussy on the side. And you giving it up to him is not a solution.
This isn't rocket science, folks.
Posted by Vieve on March 25, 2010 at 10:24 AM · Report this
27
17, "As for him, he probably really does have an empty black hole inside him,..."

I know guys like that. He more likely just has fond memories of some sex with some gal--not the first, not the last. His kids make him happy, his job is fine, and his buddies still have cold beer for him, even if he does cheat on his wife. These guys actually tend to be happier than most people, in my experience.

Seriously.
Posted by Revenge fantasy much? on March 25, 2010 at 11:14 AM · Report this
28
@28:

Nooooo! People who do bad things can't be/shouldn't be happy.
Posted by kungfujew on March 25, 2010 at 11:22 AM · Report this
Anthropomorhpise Me 29
At least she takes some blame not like the rest of the whining Anoms.
Posted by Anthropomorhpise Me on March 25, 2010 at 12:11 PM · Report this
30
Anonymous, you must be one of the many that fucked my husband thinking he would leave me. I wish he would, but now I can't get rid of him because he's flat broke.
You can have him - everyone else has. Email me and I'll arrange to drop him off at your place.
Posted by whatevercathy on March 25, 2010 at 12:31 PM · Report this
A'mael 31
@22-And what do you call the married men who fuck other women, or the men who fuck married women, hmm?

Oh, right. The woman is always at fault, isn't she? You're a maladjusted ass.
Posted by A'mael on March 25, 2010 at 1:53 PM · Report this
32
Anonymous, would you feel the same amount of shame if he hadn't dumped you?
Posted by Captain Kirk's Toupee on March 25, 2010 at 3:37 PM · Report this
Bevolonghorn 33
Are you saying now that you're gone, there is an empty black hole left inside of me? Sounds like I left one in you...or was that all the other married men you stalked?! OH and try douching you obsessive skank-a-holic!
Posted by Bevolonghorn on March 25, 2010 at 4:53 PM · Report this
jeffsd 34
um, you did it to yourself you idiot.. grow up.
Posted by jeffsd on March 25, 2010 at 10:27 PM · Report this
35
nowhere does the letter imply the man deceived her to get her in this situation; it sounds like he was just less than forthcoming. There is nothing wrong with treating sex as meaningless. The only fault is not giving your partner the respect of telling them that.

You lost me at "my values." You sound judgmental and weak-willed. Are you http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ted_Haggard ?
Posted by ariel on March 26, 2010 at 10:44 AM · Report this
wondergus 36
Love may fail, but courtesy will prevail.

Kurt Vonnegut, Breakfast of Champions
Posted by wondergus on March 26, 2010 at 2:11 PM · Report this
37
"Not all "other women" are homewreckers"
Thank you for that #25.

Why do people keep insisting no one leaves their marriage for a new relationship? Happens a lot.

I think most people would agree it's not right to be unfaithful. If you tell your spouse you are monogomous, you should be monogomous.

What about if you meet someone who appears to be a much better match than your spouse? Let happiness pass you by or leave a marriage for a unexplored possibility? I find it hard to believe that all the haters posting truly believe in staying in a marriage no matter what.
Posted by TheOtherWoman on March 26, 2010 at 2:56 PM · Report this
38
My pompous prick, lame, skew dick husband made a whore of me. Now he can't stand to look @ his own creation.
Posted by Anonymousy on March 28, 2010 at 1:36 AM · Report this
39
oh jeez, relax. You had sex with a dumb fucker. Guess what, YOU have the better deal. How would you like to be married to him and have your life wrapped around him?

Guess what, that man didn't turn you into a filthy whore, it was your insecurity and your fucking woe is me that is making you a whore. Big deal! You fucked a married man. Forget about it, move on. YOUR FREE. They are not.

consider yourself very very lucky. Now relax.
Posted by LZito on March 28, 2010 at 8:43 AM · Report this
40
why is divorce so expensive? because it's worth it!
Posted by gillettebret on March 29, 2010 at 12:05 AM · Report this
41
Let's face it, if the married guy hadn't dumped her, she wouldn't be writing this. She'd be sneaking & sleazing around still, somehow managing her feelings of 'shame', as long as she was enjoying herself. Since it didn't work out the way she wanted it to, she caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror of reality. She ought to thank him.
Posted by nothung on March 29, 2010 at 9:16 AM · Report this
MessyONE 42
You're kidding, right? You sincerely want sympathy for sleeping with a married man? You were surprised when he tossed you over for...his wife? The next cookie to come along?

You are a dime a dozen. There are a LOT of stupid little girls that willingly boink men that are married. It's ORDINARY. Most of them sound like you do, too.

"Oh boo hoo! I couldn't HELP myself! HE hypnotized me into believing that he'd leave his wife, even though guys like that NEVER do! He would have been faithful to ME!"

Cry me a river sister. And keep your pants on when you meet some guy for at LEAST the 15 minutes it takes to look for a ring on his finger. Yeesh.
Posted by MessyONE on March 29, 2010 at 11:04 AM · Report this
43
Yup been there once and I still feel like shit about my actions and for being such an idiot. I also have the pleasure of still having to deal with him every day as we work together. The perfect punishment for doing what I did. Learn your lesson from this stupid mistake. I sure learned mine. You did it to yourself just as I did. Accept it, stop blaming the asshole and stay away from married men.
Posted by thistle on March 30, 2010 at 4:30 AM · Report this
44
She is not the homewrecker... HE is.
She's not the married one. How can you wreck a marriage you're not in?

As to how he feels... listen honey, be prepared for the day he shows up at your door again. Cause it's more likely than not to happen. #27 is right - there are a LOT of guys who make this a lifestyle - live a double life to keep the stifling monotony of suburbia at bay without blowing up the family. If he had a good time with you he'll most likely try again. Take it from me - when he shows up DO NOT OPEN THE DOOR - LOCK it. Don't take his calls. And if he gets too persistent file an order of protection. (Wish I'd done it a long time ago.)
Posted by science chick on March 30, 2010 at 12:54 PM · Report this
45
Is this a follow-up from 'Thanks for ruing a good man" I,ANON? Sounds like she boned the good man and realized his wife was a dream and passion sucking bitch. Her fucking soul sucking vortex create the black void he trying to fill with your poon. And you didn't deliver.
Posted by boobs on March 30, 2010 at 1:42 PM · Report this
Bluejean Baby 46
Wow, i can't believe the venom and hate in most of these commenters posts. I could understand if she was a serial marriage wrecker. But it doesn't sound like it... sounds like she really thought he loved her.

Just remember that it takes two to tango. The LW should stop kicking herself, learn from it, and move on.
Posted by Bluejean Baby on March 30, 2010 at 7:50 PM · Report this
Bluejean Baby 47
@ #25... very wise words, indeed.
Posted by Bluejean Baby on March 30, 2010 at 8:06 PM · Report this
48
#47: Because accusing someone of intentionally misleading her when he's fucking MARRIED has a bit of the "pull the other one, it's got bells on" to it.

Gee, these grapes sure are sour.
Posted by malachi on March 30, 2010 at 10:26 PM · Report this
49
@47...thanks!

The other thing is, lots of guys don't tell women they are married and they don't wear a ring. There are no obvious signs. And if he isn't a friend of a friend or something, there is very little chance you are going to find out.

Another thing: the term homewrecker is a bit sexist- why is it that only women are homewreckers? Uh, the guy was the one cheating on his spouse. What was he? An innocent victim? That's what the word implies; that the innocent man was led astray by a dirty slut bent on destroying an otherwise peaceful and happy home.

People who cheat should be held accountable. Its not okay to cheat, but there are definitely shades of gray in all of this and many times when people are really just doing the best they can in a tough situation.
Posted by Other Woman on March 31, 2010 at 4:15 AM · Report this
50
@49, you are correct pretty much across the board in your comment...
I was not innocent, neither was my wife or the other woman. I am not a serial cheater, and I believed what I said to the other woman. As unfair as it may be, my cheating opened up long closed lines of communication in my marriage, and we have repaired it. Yes there are outstanding issues that my cheating caused, but we will make it through. The other woman may perceive that she was not treated fairly, but that was never the intent. We are all dealing with the shades of gray and the results of our actions. It isn't fun, but that is real life.
Posted by BTR on March 31, 2010 at 9:45 AM · Report this
51
@37, 25's situation is extremely unusual and most affairs don't involve men in that sort of situation.

Yes, occasionally people leave their spouse for someone else, but statistically those relationships are less likely to last. Plus, there are some people (esp. women) who make a habit of divorcing one husband, marrying another, leaving him for another, rinse and repeat. Why? Because these people don't understand that the feeling of "falling in love" is NOT MEANT TO LAST. It is biologically impossible for it to last more than 3 years, and that's as it should be. How well could we function if we all felt butterflies in the stomach and couldn't eat every time we saw our spouse? Real love means getting over that temporary phase, facing reality, and still wanting to be with that person because of who they are. Most people who discard their spouse for another think just because they feel butterflies they met "the one". It is pure fantasy.
Posted by Diagoras on March 31, 2010 at 11:29 AM · Report this
Cynic Romantic 52
@ 23 El Brucio, Well said.
Posted by Cynic Romantic on April 1, 2010 at 4:52 PM · Report this
53
@44 is absolutely right. OK, so she made a mistake. Good for her for owning up to it. Yes, she has some responsibility too. But her mistake is small compared to his. HE's the one who's married. HE's the one with the responsibility not to cheat on his wife. She deserves a parking ticket. HE deserves a public flogging -- by his wife.
Posted by Done that, regreted it - but he was the much worse one on April 3, 2010 at 4:49 PM · Report this
54
God is not real.

He's made up for desperate losers like yourself and this guy.

Get a grip.
Posted by joemomma on April 26, 2010 at 2:40 PM · Report this

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